Chapter 27 Jules slid my mug across my kitchen island, black coffee steaming in the drab of my apartment. I stared into it like maybe, if I looked hard enough, I'd find the version of myself that knew what the hell she was doing. No such luck, unfortunately. "He ended it," I said quietly, my voice still raw even after a week. "Told me he'd be there for the twins, but that was it. Said he was done." Jules' brows knit together, but she didn't say anything, just left the floor open for me to keep going like she was expecting it all to tumble out. "It wasn't, like, screaming," I added, wincing a little. "Wasn't like any of the times I argued with Ryan. It wasn't messy. But he walked out." I let out a slow breath, watching the way it curled the steam rising from my mug. "He can be their dad. That's fine, he should be. But I'm done, too." The corners of Jules' lips tugged down. "Okay. But hear me out, why?" I blinked at her. "What do you mean, why? I told you what happened, what Ryan said. She couldn't even look at her own kid⁠-" "Yeah, okay, but why exactly are you still trusting Ryan?" she asked, standing up straight and crossing her arms. "I'm sorry, Si, but I might actually be on Matt's side here." I opened my mouth. Thought better of it. Closed it. "Seriously," she went on. "You told me all the ways Ryan hurt you. He cheated on you for a year, with your best-friend-at-the-time-which, thank you to him by the way, without that I wouldn't be here now-but still. He tried to pin the inheritance mess on Matt, which Matt was right about. So why does Ryan suddenly get credibility now? You've upset Matt in the past by believing Ryan over him, so you chose to do it again?" "I-" I started, then stopped, wringing my left wrist with my right hand like it could somehow soothe me. "I don't know. What would Ryan even gain from lying about something like this? He's had reason to lie before, but I can't see the reason now." Jules levelled me with one of her looks. "You're asking me what Ryan would gain by sabotaging one of the only good things Matt has in his life?" "That's not⁠-" "Yes, it is," she cut in. "You said yourself that Ryan was pissed you showed up to the wedding, that he argued with Matt over it, that he was a dick to you when you were leaving Tulum. And now he pops in, drops a bomb, and suddenly you're done with Matt forever? He didn't need a plan, Sienna, he just had to whip up a quick story and watch it burn." I pressed my lips into a line. "And let's not pretend this is about protecting you," Jules added, leaning forward onto the counter again. "He's never had your best interest in mind. So why would he start now?" I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't have an answer for any of it. "Fuck," I choked, heart pounding hard, the weight of it all starting to catch up with me. My elbows hit the counter, my face falling forward into my hands. "I-fuck, Jules, what the hell am I supposed to do here? Believe him instead? Backtrack, fall over backward apologizing? It's not like he offered me an explanation⁠-" "Si. Babe," she huffed, a little bit of her patience slipping. "He probably didn't offer you one because you wouldn't have believed him anyway. You let Ryan get too into your head." "I know." The backs of my eyes burned, hormones taking over, emotions running at full force every time I had them because of the two little gremlins growing inside of me. "I know. I know." I sank back against the cushioned barstool, wrapping my arms around myself like they could hold me together. "I love him," I croaked. "I think I've loved him since Tulum. And I don't-I-What do I do?" "You trust⁠-" "But love doesn't mean trust." I wiped under my eyes, hating the dampness I found. "I don't know if I'll ever have both, not with him. Not after what happened at the beginning." "Do you think he hasn't been trying?" "No, he has. That's the worst part," I said, voice cracking. "He's been showing up and saying the right things and being there for every single thing I need him to be there for, and I still can't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't feel secure." "Because of Ryan." Jules' finger stabbed into the linoleum on top of the counter. "Not Matt. Yeah, Matt fucked up early on, but the reason you don't feel like you can trust him to be the man he claims he is, is because of Ryan." God, she was right. She was so right. "Yeah," I whispered. "I-I want to go back. I want to fix it. But I don't even know if it is even a thing to fix anymore." For a long second, Jules didn't speak, just watched me with her lips pressed into a thin line. Then, gently, as if she was trying not to startle a spooked animal, she said, "I'm not going to tell you what to do." I swallowed, my throat closing in. "But if I were you? I'd reach out. Not to fight, not to punish him or whatever the hell else your hormonal pregnant brain wants to do. Just open the door," she sighed. "Ask him what really happened with Zach's mom and give him the space to tell the truth. If you want to trust him, that's got to be where it starts now." I nodded. Right. Okay. That made sense. Even with everything a mess and the anger still simmering in my system. I just had to do it.