At least, this Ishikawa Yue, on the surface, doesn’t seem as disgusting and repulsive to her, instead possessing an indescribable aura of strength that captivates her. Let go a little, like Sister Jinjin said, don’t be constrained by some conventional views of chastity and propriety, be intimate with him, indulge his desires, enjoy his company, satisfy his defilement, can’t he also trade many benefits for herself? But nothing is ever that simple. When a spider ensnares a butterfly, it’s not just to admire the butterfly’s beauty. Everything is about exchange, but the depth of the exchange surpasses the naive and absurd fantasies of a little girl like "I sleep with a man, and the man gives me love." The profound yet cold societal rules will never be taught in fairy tales for young girls. Actually, sometimes when you think about it, the world’s rules are all such dirty transactions. It’s just that some of them are dressed up on the surface, passably bearable, and relatively decent when viewed at a glance, but in essence, there’s no difference. Just like when Coach Xu called her to come over, isn’t it just to "keep him company drinking"? She wasn’t willing at all, but for the "mission," for the benefit of the team, didn’t she come anyway? If we were in Coach Xu’s generation when they were young, she might have already been deemed "shamelessly promiscuous," but nowadays, even teenage girl players sometimes drink a little with the leaders, even in sports circles, it’s simply not a big deal anymore. Transaction, rules, control. There’s no difference. Except that this man has a stronger grip on her, more chips, and can give her more solid and substantial trade capital, accompanied by the violence and coercion that terrifies her, what he demands must certainly be more. What she gained in exchange was a moment of safety, a moment of forbearance, living each day in a dreamy and numb blur. Under the sunlight, she can freely pursue her celebrity dreams; the national team’s training list will be released next month, and rumors say she’s almost certainly on it; the shooting for the second phase of "Super Competition" will start next week, and there are always many young fans crowding around her even in the studio; after the "Still Together" interview, even though the provincial team keeps delaying and limiting her appearances, her interview schedule is already booked until the end of the year; besides the sponsorship bonuses from the team, Wanqing Company specifically requested her to shoot a series of photos for a set of "Qin" casual wear for girls, and aside from what the team can take, she will earn fifteen thousand RMB, which is equivalent to almost half a year’s stipend for an athlete; He Xi University accepted her application, allowing her to take correspondence courses, and post-retirement, they’d calculate her credits, so she could receive a college diploma in the future... But, is the price of all this ultimately worth it or not? Or, until today, she can only fearfully speculate about what the cost of all this will be? How exactly will Ishikawa Yue "use" her? Play with me! Come take me! I’d rather you repeatedly rape and defile me! Her consciousness gradually grew confused and soft. At times, she would be startled awake by heart-wrenching pain. Ever since that night when Chuan Yue raped her, she found herself trapped in a game of restraint and frenzy. It was often difficult to fall asleep at night, and the only way she could ensure she fell asleep... was actually through... masturbation. Imagining all sorts of absurd scenarios, she would caress and explore her own body, and only in the lingering aftermath of climax would she barely find rest. Sometimes, in her fantasies, it would be a celebrity, sometimes a character from a novel, sometimes even a superhero from a movie, occasionally Jiang Ziyuan, or even at her lowest, Coach Xu, and at the most grotesque times, a villain from a dark, imagined cartoon. Yet, in all these imagined scenes of intimacy, the one constant was that they were all extremely romantic, gentle, and loving, without brutality, coercion, restraint, or humiliation; she used to fantasize about scenes of assault due to media influence when she masturbated, but that had completely vanished now... Yet, inexplicably, as climax approached with her fingertips, all of them would morph into the face of Ishikawa Yue, and she would be filled with extreme repulsion, humiliation, and shame. Ironically, this repulsion, humiliation, and shame are what causes her to imagine collapsing into Ishikawa Yue’s arms to fall asleep. This content belongs to NoveI(F)ire.net She had experienced masturbation before, but now, she increasingly feared this mental dependency. Unbelievably, after being raped and defiled by Ishikawa Yue, she became more addicted to the pleasure that masturbation brought her. Perhaps it’s the indelible psychological trauma caused by Chuan Yue’s assault? Maybe there is an uncontrollable fear and desire deep inside her for Chuan Yue to come to her body once again? Or perhaps it’s a sense of despair: since her body has already been played with, defiled, raped, soiled by Chuan Yue, what shame is there in giving herself a little pleasure through masturbation? What’s the big deal about masturbation? Perhaps she no longer has control over her own body, can’t give it to Jiang Ziyuan, can’t give it to her boyfriend, can’t give it to her future husband, but at least under the covers, she can give herself immense pleasure and sleep, so why not? Of course, on the rare occasion, there were nights when she would caress herself without desire. Touching her own body as if tenderly loving and cherishing another person, another pure young girl, another who has not fallen into darkness, an athlete who still only dreamt purely of her Olympic dreams on the platform... as if she still possessed the power to wield her youth, flaunt her capital, savor romance, and yearn for love.