And the saddest thing is, this is no longer her greatest fear. She struggles too, repeatedly pondering with her little head that doesn’t quite understand these matters. Lu Jincheng is always different from those rich young men who come to the base just to chase after her... He’s done too many things, too many calculations, and too much effort on her. He spent so much thought making her famous, planning her packaging in secret, is it all just to enhance the pleasure of raping her? The reason she sometimes fantasizes about whether Lu Jincheng is in some twisted way "in love" with her is simply that, no matter how she thinks about it, Chuan Yue’s actions seem too bizarre. If we exclude the part about the rape, he is like a selfless and powerful agent, using a scale that she herself can hardly understand to package the past, manage the present, and create the future for her. But those terrifying photos, that humiliating rape, and every time she recalls Lu Jincheng’s threatening yet degrading whisper in her ear on that night, "You must be obedient, absolutely obedient, you must submit, absolutely submit," she vaguely senses something. This is a transaction, and she was coerced into participating. Her body is not only to please Chuan Yue and to satisfy his lustful pleasures. With such intent and effort, raising her "price," it’s because if he chooses, he could completely coerce her to be enjoyed and manipulated by anyone else. What rich man, what leader, what authority, what boss... even if it’s just those who sneak into her dormitory, be they filthy laborers or despicable hooligans... this body she cherishes immensely, and once thought was the most precious and only belonged to her, is now firmly controlled by this "gentle and courteous," "kind gentleman" Director Shi, and she will never have the authority over it again, only allowing him to set the price, to sell, to abuse, and to use wantonly. Sometimes, she’d rather he just wanted to play with her body. Play as he might, humiliate as he wished, once there’s a first time, why fear no second? Time and again, she can at least be anesthetized in this man’s indulgence in and demand for her body... She doesn’t want to admit it, but she must face it... even in humiliation so maddening, pain so despairing, the psychological shame immeasurable and the physical pain of being broken also so real... but the twisted sex still brings a distorted stimulation and pleasure, and for her, only sixteen years old, she can no longer distinguish whether this is the inevitable agony and joy every girl must experience. She’d rather it be , rather Lu Jincheng wanted to play with her, wanted to handle her, wanted to enjoy her young body, if that were the case, she has completely accepted the fate of becoming Lu Jincheng’s little sex slave, little toy, little love pet, because everything would only be a secret between her and Lu Jincheng. Her virginity was gone, her chastity snatched away, her purity faded away, what’s left... what else can she hold on to? If he likes to violate and play with her, she can let him play, repeatedly play, freely play, viciously play, tortuously play... isn’t it all the same, perhaps she can taste the kind of forbidden joy, and gain some things she wants to gain... including a safety born from under the shadow. At least, this Lu Jincheng, from appearance, doesn’t seem disgusting and repulsive to her, on the contrary, possesses an indefinable strong essence, bewildering her. Let go some, like Sister Jinjin says, don’t be constrained by worldly views of chastity and heroines, make love to him, satisfy his lust, make merry with him, offer him sacrilege, can’t he still exchange many benefits for her? But nothing is ever that simple. The spider catches the butterfly, not just to admire its beauty. Everything is an exchange, but the depth of the exchange surpasses the naive absurd fantasies of "I sleep with the man, the man gives me love," the deep yet cold worldly rules, fairy tales will never tell the little girl. In fact, sometimes upon reflection, the rules of the world are all such dirty transactions. Just some play a bit on the surface, might seem bearable, somewhat dignified, but in essence, not much different. Like when Coach Xu called her over, wasn’t it just to "accompany with drinks"? She didn’t want to, but for the "mission," for the team’s benefit, didn’t she come? Put this in when Coach Xu’s generation was young, she’d probably be regarded as "indecently shameless," and nowadays, female team members, even teenage girls, occasionally having drinks with leaders, even in the sports circle, is hardly a big deal. Transaction, rules, control. Not much different. Only that man, has stronger control over her, more chips, and offers her with firmer and more stable trading capital, coupled with the violence and coercion that terrifies her, what he intends to take, must be more. She’s exchanged for momentary safety, momentary endurance, and momentary confusion and numbness as if living in a dream. In the sunlight, she can freely pursue her star dream; the national team training list will be released next month, with rumors she’s certainly on the list; the second phase filming of "Super Competition" will start next week, even in the studio, a lot of young boys and girls gather around her; after the "Still Meeting as Promised" interview, even though the provincial team keeps postponing, limiting her appearances, her interview plans are scheduled until the end of the year; apart from team sponsor bonuses, Wanqing Company appointed her alone for a shoot of "Qin" girl’s leisure clothing photo set, excluding what she gets from the team, she’ll be able to earn fifteen thousand RMB, which equals almost half a year of her athlete stipend; He Xi University accepted her registration, allows for distance learning, accumulating credits so post-retirement she can earn a college diploma... But, is this all worth the cost or not? Or, until today, she can only fearfully guess, what will be the cost of all this? How will Lu Jincheng "use" her? Play with me! Come work me! Better you come over and over to rape me or screw me! Consciousness gradually muddled, soft. Yet sometimes awakened by penetrating pain. Since that night being raped by Chuan Yue, she’s actually caught in a battle between restraint and frenzy. Often sleepless at night, and the only way to ensure she can sleep... is surprisingly... masturbation. Fantasizing about absurd scenarios, touching her body, exploring her body, and then in the afterglow of climax, barely able to sleep. Sometimes, the fantasy involves a certain celebrity, sometimes a character from a novel, sometimes even a superhero from a movie, occasionally it’s Jiang Ziyuan, even sometimes it’s Coach Xu, and in the most disgusting times, it’s a demonic villain only seen in evil cartoon animations, but in these fantasy sexual scenes, the only constant is they all are very romantic, amiable, tenderly loving her, without brutality, without coercion, without binding or degradation; previously, during masturbation, influenced by media, she would fantasize about rape scenes, but now it’s completely gone...