This was a deal, and she was coerced into participating. Her body was not just for Chuan Yue’s pleasure, to satisfy his lust. His meticulous efforts to increase her "worth" meant that he could, at will, force her to be used and toyed with by anyone else. Any wealthy heirs, leaders, powerful figures, bosses... even those who sneaked into her dorm that day, who knows if they were dirty workers or despicable thugs... This body she cherished so much, which she once thought was most precious and belonged only to her, was now firmly controlled by this "courteous" and "kind gentleman," Director Shi. She would never hold power again, as he set the price, sold her, degraded her, and wielded her at his whim. Tʜe sourcᴇ of thɪs content ɪs NovelHub(.)net Sometimes, she truly wished he just wanted to use her body for pleasure. If that was the case, play with it, insult it; there was one time, wouldn’t there be a next time? Time and again, she could at least numb herself in this man’s indulgence and demands on her body... She didn’t want to admit it, but must face it... even if humiliated to madness, pain to despair, with unbearable psychological shame, and the tangible pain of her body being broken... yet this distorted intimacy brought a twisted thrill and pleasure. For a sixteen-year-old girl, she couldn’t distinguish if this was the pain and joy all girls must endure. It would be better this way, if only Ishikawa Yue wanted to play with her, wanted to use her, wanted to enjoy her youthful body. If that were so, she had already fully accepted the fate of being Ishikawa Yue’s little sex slave, little toy, little pet. Because then, everything was just her little secret with Ishikawa Yue. Virginity was lost, chastity was taken, purity had vanished, and what was left... what else could she hold onto? If he enjoyed defiling her, she could let him, repeatedly, without hesitation, recklessly, tortuously... it was all just like that; perhaps she could also savor that forbidden joy and even gain something she desired... including the misplaced sense of security born in shadows. At least, on the surface, Ishikawa Yue didn’t seem so disgusting and repulsive; instead, there was an indescribable allure of a strong person confusing her. Like Sister Jinjin said, let loose a bit, don’t be constrained by the views of a virtuous heroine concerned with chastity; having intimacy with him and offering him pleasure wasn’t he also able to exchange for her many benefits? But nothing would be that simple. The spider ensnares the butterfly, not just to appreciate its beauty. Everything was an exchange, but the depth of this exchange surpassed the naive and absurd dreams of a little girl thinking, "I sleep with men, and men give me love." The profound yet indifferent worldly rules were tales never told in fairy tales for young girls. Sometimes, upon reflection, the world’s rules were nothing more than these dirty transactions. Some were just dressed up to seem tolerable, a bit more elegant, but the essence wasn’t all that different. Like when Coach Xu called her, wasn’t it to "accompany drinks"? She didn’t want to, but for the "task," for the benefit of the team, hadn’t she come anyway? If it had been during Coach Xu’s youth, she might have already been deemed "indecently wanton," but now, for a female team member, even a teenage girl to occasionally have a drink with the leaders wasn’t considered a big deal, even in the sports world. Transactions, rules, dominion. No difference really. Except that man had more control over her, more bargaining chips; what he could offer in trade was more abundant and secure, paired with his terrifying force and coercion; he would demand more. She had exchanged for a momentary safety, momentary forbearance, living as if in a dreamlike, dazed numbness. In the daylight, she could freely pursue her star dreams; the national team training list was coming out next month, and rumors had it she was already on it; the second season of "Super Competition" would start filming next week, and even in the studio, many young fans crowded around her; after the "Still Meet Again" interview, though the provincial team had repeatedly postponed, limiting her appearances, her interview schedule was packed until year’s end; besides the team’s sponsorship bonuses, Wanqing Company specifically requested her to independently do a photoshoot for a set of "Qin" girl’s casual wear, which would earn her fifteen thousand RMB, equivalent to half a year’s athlete stipend; He Xi University accepted her application, permitting correspondence study, allowing her a pathway to earn a degree after retiring... But whether all these costs were worth it or not? Or rather, until today, she could only fearfully guess what all these costs would eventually lead to? How exactly would Ishikawa Yue "use" her? Use me! Take me! I’d rather you repeatedly ravished and used me! Her consciousness would gradually blur and soften, sometimes waking up to piercing pain. Ever since that night when Chuan Yue raped her, she had been caught in a game between restraint and madness. Nighttime often found her unable to sleep, and the only way to ensure slumber... turned out to be... masturbation. Imagining all sorts of absurd scenarios, she would touch and explore her body, then enter sleep in the echoes of climax. Sometimes, in her fantasies, it was some celebrity, sometimes a character from a novel, or even a superhero from a movie. Sometimes it was Jiang Ziyuan, even Coach Xu, and at the most nauseating times, some evil overlord conjured only in cartoons. Yet, in all these imagined intimate scenes, one constant was their romance, kindness, and tender affection towards her, devoid of cruelty, coercion, or bondage; she once fantasized about rape scenes influenced by media during masturbation, but not anymore... However, inexplicably, as climax approached at her fingertips, they all morphed into Ishikawa Yue’s face, bringing an overwhelming sense of rejection, humiliation, and shame. Yet, it was this very rejection, humiliation, and shame that allowed her to envision herself nestled in Ishikawa Yue’s embrace to fall asleep. She had previously experienced self-stimulation, but now, increasingly feared this addiction of the mind. Unbelievably, after being forced and violated by Ishikawa Yue, she found herself more and more enamored with the pleasure brought by masturbation. Perhaps Chuan Yue’s rape had inflicted indelible psychological trauma upon her? Perhaps she harbored an uncontrollable dread and longing deep inside for Chuan Yue to once again trespass her body? Or maybe it was a form of self-abandonment: since her body had been played, humiliated, violated, and sullied by Chuan Yue, what shame was there in finding some pleasure through self-stimulation? What was masturbation compared to it? Even if she might never have the dominion over her body to offer it to Jiang Ziyuan, her boyfriend, or future husband, at least under the covers, she could bring herself intense pleasure and a deep slumber. What was so wrong with that? Of course, on a few rare nights, she would touch her body without lust. She would stroke it as if she were caressing another person, another pure girl, another girl not yet fallen into darkness, an athlete still cherishing her Olympic dreams on the platform... as if she still held the power to revel in youth, flaunt her assets, savor romance, and yearn for intimacy.