This was a transaction, one she was coerced into participating in. This body of hers was not just used to please Mr. Lu, for his lascivious enjoyment. He so meticulously enhanced her "worth" because, should he choose, he could completely coerce her into being used and toyed with by anyone else. Whether it be a rich kid, a leader, a noble, a boss... or even those who sneaked into her dorm that day, whether they were filthy migrant workers or vile hooligans... This body she cherished immensely, the one she once considered the most precious and solely hers, is now firmly controlled by the "cultured and elegant" "kind gentleman" Director Shi, with no chance of having autonomy again. She can only let him set the price, let him sell it, let him humiliate it, and use it liberally. Sometimes, she truly wishes he only desires to sexually play with her body. If he wants to play, then let him play, if he wants to humiliate, then let him humiliate. If it happens once, why fear the next time? With each session, she could at least numb herself in the indulgence and demand of this man for her body... She doesn’t want to admit it but must face it... Even if humiliated to madness, pained to despair, psychologically drowning in shame, the physical pain of her defilement remains real... Yet, the distorted sexual acts have brought about malformed excitement and pleasure. For a girl only sixteen, she can no longer discern whether this is the suffering and joy that all girls inevitably must experience. She’d rather it be this way, she’d rather Lu Jincheng want to play with her, want to mess with her, want to enjoy her youthful body. If that’s the case, she has already accepted the fate of being Lu Jincheng’s little sex slave, little toy, little pet, because in such a case, it would only be a secret between her and Lu Jincheng. Virginity is lost, chastity has been taken, purity has vanished. What’s left... what is there to hold onto? He delights in raping her, she can let him play, play over and over, thoroughly play, wantonly play, torturously play... Isn’t that all there is? She might taste that forbidden pleasure, and even acquire some things she wishes to gain... including a sense of security born from the shadows. For more chapters visit novel✶fire.net At the very least, this Lu Jincheng, outwardly, doesn’t look so disgusting and repulsive. Instead, he possesses that unexplainable aura that seems to belong only to the strong, bewildering her. Letting go a bit, as Sister Jinjin advised, don’t be confined by worldly views about chastity and being a heroine. With him, indulge in sex, provide him with lecherous fun, make love with him, give him the desecration; doesn’t he still offer her many benefits in exchange? But it’s never that simple. The spider webs up the butterfly, never just to admire its beauty. Everything is an exchange, but the depth of the exchange goes beyond the juvenile absurd fantasy of "I sleep with a man, he loves me," to a profound yet indifferent worldly rule—never told to young girls in fairy tales. Sometimes, upon reflection, all world rules are dirty transactions. Some add a layer of pretense that is momentarily tolerable and relatively decent, but the essence is no different. Like how Coach Xu called her to "entertain" drinks? She went unwillingly, but for the "task," for the team’s benefit, didn’t she go? If it were in Coach Xu’s youth, she would have likely been deemed "depraved beyond belief." Yet now, a female team member, even a teenage girl, occasionally entertaining drinks with a leader is no big deal, even in sports circles. Transactions, rules, dominance. No difference. Just that man, possessing a stronger control, more bargaining chips over her, equipped with terrifying violence and coercion—the things he seeks must be greater. Temporarily, she exchanged for safety, for forbearance, for days spent seemingly in a dreamy stupor. Under the sun, she can freely pursue her celebrity dreams; the national team training list is said to be finalized next month, with rumors that she is practically guaranteed a place; the shooting of "Super Competition" begins its second phase next week, and even in the studio lots of young boys and girls crowd around her; post "Still in Rendezvous" interview, even the provincial team has endlessly delayed and limited her appearances, her interview schedule extending till year-end; aside from the team’s sponsorship bonus, Wanqing Company has specifically requested her to independently shoot a series of "Qin" casual wear photos, earning her fifteen thousand RMB, equivalent to her half a year’s athletic stipend; He Xi University accepted her application allowing her to study via correspondence and calculate credits post-retirement, enabling her to earn a university degree... But, is the price for all this truly worth it or not? Or rather, until today, she can only fearfully guess, what exactly will the price of all this entail? How, exactly, will Lu Jincheng "use" her? Play me! Come and have me! I’d rather you come and rape me, screw me over and over! Her consciousness gradually disoriented, softened. Sometimes, it would be awakened by penetrating pain. Since the night she was raped by Mr. Lu, she actually fell into a game between restraint and madness. Nights often proved difficult to get any sleep, and the only way to guarantee sleep... was masturbation. Fantasizing various absurd scenes as she explored her body, caressing herself, and then she could barely fall asleep amidst post-orgasmic lingering. In her fantasies, sometimes it was a celebrity, sometimes a character from a book, sometimes even a superhero from a movie, sometimes Jiang Ziyuan, or Coach Xu, and in the worst scenarios, some evil animated villain she concocted—all romantic, gentle, and considerate in their love for her, devoid of abuse, coercion, bondage, or humiliation; she knew that before, influenced by media, she fantasized rape scenes when she masturbated; now those were completely gone... Yet, unknowingly, as climax approached at her fingertips, each would morph into Lu Jincheng’s face, encountering utter rejection, humiliation, and shame. It is precisely this rejection, humiliation, and shame that can let her fantasize about falling asleep in Lu Jincheng’s arms. She previously experienced masturbation too, but now, she increasingly fears this addiction. Unbelievable, after being raped and defiled by Lu Jincheng, she’s growing more obsessed with the pleasure masturbation brings. Maybe, it’s because Mr. Lu’s rape inflicted an indelible psychological wound? Or, an irresistible fear and desire for Mr. Lu to again claim her body? Or perhaps, it’s a sense of self-abandonment: since this body has been played, tainted, raped, defiled by Mr. Lu, masturbation, self-provide snippets of happiness, what shame could there be? What’s masturbation? Her body, perhaps she no longer holds dominion, cannot offer it to Jiang Ziyuan, a boyfriend, or future husband; but at least alone in the sheets, she can inflict upon herself thrilling waves of pleasure, bring about sleep, what’s not allowed? Of course, there are exceedingly rare nights where she touches herself devoid of lust. Stroking her body as if she tenderly cherished another person, another pure girl, another one not lost in darkness—a young girl still simply dreaming of Olympic aspirations atop the platform... as if she still possesses that right, can freely express youth, flaunt value, savor romance, dream of love.