---- Why does fate have to be so cruel? Why did Shawn have to be born into that family? If he weren't... would we still be together now? No. It's better this way. I'm dying. If we were still together, I'd only drag him into pain. Better that he forgets me. May 13th My body is failing. The pain is endless-I begged the healer to give mea pain pump. June 1st I've decided to sell my corneas before I die. June 30th Emily came to visit today. She said I kept calling a name in my sleep. ---- She tried to listen carefully but couldn't catch it. She asked if it was someone I had secretly loved. I didn't answer. But deep down, I wanted to correct her- It wasn't someone I loved in secret. It was someone with whom I once shared a bond that felt eternal. July 1st Ican feel it- My time is almost up. I really want to see Shawn, just once. But... forget it. I'm just skin and bones now. I don't want to scare him. And if he hasn't forgotten me, it would only tear him apart. ---- Then again... how could he not have forgotten me? I said such cruel, heartless things. He probably cast me out of his world long ago. But it's okay. Let me pretend, just once more, that maybe... he still remembers me. July 2nd Goodbye, world. I'm going to find Mom and Dad. To my dear friends-please don't cry. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm finally saying goodbye... to the pain. Shawn set the phone down. His trembling hand rose slowly to cover his tear- drenched, bloodshot eyes.