Chapter 27 You'd think after spending thirteen days stuck on an island, I'd savor the feel of a bed and fresh linen, but even with the blankets piled high on my lap and the warm saline solution pumping into my veins through the IV, this hospital room is too white, too sterile, and too cold for my liking. I can't shake the chill. The doctor has already come and gone, telling me everything looks fine except for mild dehydration and that I'll need to stay overnight for observation. But otherwise, I'm good to go. Physically, anyway. Mentally, I'm still stuck on that island. With Henry. Sure, it wasn't easy, but the air was warm, the sun bright, and at the end of each day, I knew what to expect. Now, I don't know if I'll ever feel the comfort of Henry's arms or hear the soft lull of him singing me to sleep again, and everything about not knowing last night might have been the last night makes me uneasy. And to make matters worse, I haven't seen him since the tarmac. It's been hours, but my mind keeps replaying every glance, every word, every touch we shared over the last two weeks, and it silently cries out in desperation to know if any of it will ever happen again. My family-Mom, Dad, Beau, and June-are crowded around my bed, trying to fill the silence with laughter and questions and June's occasional hormone-fueled emotional outbursts, and Justin is around here somewhere in the gift shop or something-though, if I'm honest, I lost track-but my head is someplace else. Specifically, in an island fog of unanswered questions about Henry freaking Callahan. My grandparents went home under the assurance that I'd call and see them soon, the excitement of the search and rescue and seeing me again an overwhelming thing for their well-worn nervous systems, and if I can manage it soon, I'm hoping to convince everyone else to leave too. Normally, I'd love this level of attention, but right now, I just feel overwhelmed. "So, what's next?" Beau asks, breaking my train of thought. "Do they just let you out tomorrow or what?" "Pretty much," I say, taking a sip of water. "Just some fluids and observation and a couple of hot meals. Nothing major." "I swear, this all feels like I just woke up from a nightmare." Mom sniffles and hugs Addy closer to her chest. "I'm just so happy you're here, Avery. So happy you're okay. I can't even imagine what could've happened. What if-" "I'm fine, Mom," I cut her off before she can get herself worked up all over again. "See?" I wiggle my fingers for effect, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, besides the fact that I'm in serious need of a fresh mani." My hands are rough, my cuticles dry, and my polish chipped. My nail tech, Marty, will be horrified when he gets a look at these daggers. Unfortunately, my joke goes over like a batch of botched filler. My mom's bottom lip trembles, and June starts to get all teary-eyed again. "She's right, Avery." June grabs my hand, a fresh wave of tears streaming down her cheeks. "We thought we lost you. I thought I lost you!" "Relax, June," I say, trying to sound breezy. "I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." "Relax?" she exclaims. "You were missing for two weeks, Avery! Two weeks! I thought I was going to have to name my kid after you or something!" I snort. "I mean, Avery is a great name for a baby..." June narrows her eyes at me, but her lips twitch like she's trying not to smile. "You're impossible." I shrug, leaning back against the pillows. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to cry or wail or complain. I just want to feel warm. My gaze drifts to Beau, and before I can stop myself, I ask the only question truly burning me. "Have you seen Henry? Is he doing okay?" "He's on another floor because Mom bribed the nurses to give you this room since it had the best view," he answers. My head jerks to my mom petulantly. "And you didn't bribe them to give Henry a good room too?" She frowns. "Of course I did. They only had one room with a good view on each floor." I shake my head lightly, trying to seem nonchalant, but my chest is much tighter than I let on. I wish she would have kept us together. Is he alone? I know it shouldn't matter, but it does. Henry doesn't have family anymore. Just Ronnie and Maverick and Beau-but one of them is in my room with me. My throat feels dry, and I swallow hard against the uncomfortable sensation. "Is...is anyone with him?" I ask, my voice quieter than I intend. Beau shrugs. "Yeah, Ronnie and Maverick and Ashley. Ron says they're still doing evaluations, but so far, so good." "Good," I manage to squeak out. "I'm glad someone is with him, at least." Even if one of those someones is his dumb girlfriend. June laughs. "Honestly, I'm surprised there weren't more girlfriends waiting for him on the tarmac. You know Henry and women. As soon as news of your plane disappearing hit the papers, I figured they'd be crawling out of the woodwork like roaches." Beau chuckles. "Ah, but the news of his survival is fresh. There's still time." "Henry is such a nice young man," Mom says, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "I hope one day he'll decide to settle down." "Doubtful," Beau snorts. "He's always been a bit of a lone wolf when it comes to long-term relationships. He only turned semi-monogamous when he realized he was the only one left without a girlfriend." Their words sting more than I'd like to admit. Henry might be a lot of things-restless, unpredictable, a little reckless-but for the past two weeks, he's been my everything. I don't like feeling like an outsider in this conversation, and I don't like feeling like someone knows him better than I do. At all. I gave myself to him. Completely. Something I've never done with anyone else, and even with the uncertainty of all this, I don't regret it. But I don't know where we stand. I don't even know if he wants to stand anywhere with me at all or if it's a long-lost memory stuck on the island we aren't on anymore. "You know," June says, breaking into my thoughts. "It's kind of funny Henry and Avery were stranded together." "Why?" I ask, sitting up a little straighter. There's an edge to my voice I don't mean to add, but it sure sounds like the very thing I'm crying over internally is about to be the butt of a joke. "Because he's like the male version of you, you know?" June says. "I mean, I didn't even know much about your boyfriend Justin. Hell, today was the first time I actually met him, even though I'm pretty sure you've been dating for, like, two months." "A boyfriend who apparently wanted to propose," Beau chimes in. "Ju...he wasn't going to propose," I argue, but even as I say it, I have to work to remember his name. Justin, Avery. Your boyfriend's name is Justin, for fuck's sake. "I don't have the best eyesight these days, but the boy got down on one knee, sweetheart," Dad says, crossing his arms. "He needed to tie his shoe," I lie. "He was wearing loafers," Dad counters. "Which is clearly a fashion offense punishable by jail and not the sort of thing a man I'd consider betrothal to would ever do," I say, pointedly rolling my eyes and glancing down at my father's favorite Gucci leather loafers that he's currently wearing. They're from ten seasons ago, and the leather is so worn it looks like he attempted to hike Mount Everest in them. "Nice deflection," my dad muses, and I roll my eyes again. Though, I know he's not wrong. None of them are. Justin was about to propose, and while stringing guys along while they jump to fulfill my every whim isn't new, it also isn't right. I need to cut him loose as soon as possible. As if on cue, the door swings open, and Justin walks in with a massive bouquet of flowers. Red and white and pink roses bundled together in an arrangement so large, he has to bend at the hip to show his face. Several sets of wide, amused eyes turn in my direction, beaming against my embarrassment like a spotlight. Not only was this fucker about to propose before, but I'm starting to grow concerned he's going to do it again if I don't act quickly. "Avery, baby," Justin says, his voice soft and emotional as he sets the bouquet on the table beside me. "How are you feeling?" "I'm good," I say awkwardly, glancing at the flowers. They're beautiful, but all I feel at the sight of them is a sharp pang of discomfort. This feels wrong. He is wrong-like a chapter I should've closed before it even got started. "But we need to talk." "Talk. Yes, of course. Let's talk," Justin says, sitting in the chair beside my bed. His eyes are full of genuine concern, which is truly appreciated, but if I could scratch his eyes out to make it stop without making a scene, I would. "You really scared me, Avery." I open my mouth to say something-anything to ease the tension-but before I can, Beau's smothered laugh and my mom's responding chide remind me I'm not alone. Not even close. My mom, my dad, June, Beau, Addy-the whole fucking Brady Bunch is here, watching my every move. Thank God my grandparents left, or there'd be an even bigger audience to this shitshow. "Hey, guys," I say, gritting a smile to make the request feel less abrasive. "Could you...buzz off for a little bit? Justin and I need a moment." I just catch Justin's misguided smile out of the corner of my eye before my dad nods, rustling the herd with a wide sweep of his arms. "Of course. Come on, come on, guys. Let's give Avery a minute to decompress." "I don't want to go," June says then, fighting the gentle pull of Beau and my parents and bursting through to come to my bedside. I smile and cup my best friend's panicked cheek, knowing if our roles were reversed, I'd be a basket case in the exact same way. "Oh, Juni. I'm okay. Promise." "I just want to stay here with you tonight. Know for sure." I nod. "I know you do. But you need rest. I can see it in the god-awful circles under your eyes, sweetie. And so do I. Go home, take a bubble bath, send Beau out to get me a new phone..." I eye my brother, and he nods his compliance without complaint. If I can get a phone, maybe I can figure out a way to get in touch with Henry. "And take care of my best friend the way she'd expect me to take care of myself. Okay?" She finally nods, leaning forward to kiss my forehead before shoving off the bed and melding immediately into Beau's waiting arm. "I'll be back first thing in the morning." I shrug. "I'd expect nothing less." A blissful silence befalls the room as my family shuffles out, and Justin shifts to lean a hip into my bed in the spot June just vacated. He's still smiling, oblivious to the fact that his presence feels like a weight pressing down on my chest and the bomb I'm about to drop to relieve it. "I just want to make sure you're okay," he says. "After everything you've been through...it's the least I can do." "You don't have to stay," I say finally, my voice softer than I intend. None of this is his fault, and that makes it harder than it should be. "I want to..." Justin's brows knit together, seemingly clueing in to my stiff shoulders and gritty frown. "Unless you don't want me here?" I swallow hard. This is the moment. I could let him stay, maintain this facade just to feel less alone knowing Henry is somewhere in this hospital with his girlfriend Ashley, but it would be a lie. And I'm so tired of lying to myself, even if it's easier. "Justin," I start, my voice firm. I take a deep breath, steeling myself to hurt a nice person's feelings. "You're a great guy. Really. And I've appreciated you being here for me. But there is no future for us." His face falls, and for a moment, I hate myself for being so concise. "What do you mean?" he asks, his voice low. "I mean us," I say. "I...I don't think we're right for each other. And it's not fair to you for me to keep pretending otherwise." He's quiet, his jaw tightening as he processes my words. "But I thought we had something, Avery. I'm in lo-" "No," I cut him off, holding up my hand. "Don't go there, Justin. Please, do not go there." "But I do, Avery!" he exclaims, shoving off the bed to stand to his full six-foot-three height. "I lov-" "You think you do," I cut him off again. "But you don't really know me. And honestly, I don't really know you." Let's face it, I fucking forgot about you while I was on that island. "We were only dating for a very short time before everything happened, and I'm grateful that you're here and I'm sorry for all of the stress I've put you through, but we're not right together." "How can you say that?" he questions. "How do you even know if you don't try?" "Justin, I just know, okay?" I retort. "I just know." I know how it feels when it's right. "I can't believe this," Justin mutters, running a hand through his hair. "I thought...I really thought this was going somewhere." I shake my head, staring down at my hands as I knot my fingers together. "The truth is, Justin...no relationship with any man, for me, has ever been going anywhere." Being stranded on an island with Henry is just what made me realize why... His brow draws together as he tries to make sense of it all-what I'm saying, how he's feeling, maybe even how everything he thought we had was a lie. "Are you saying..." I nod. "Are you saying you're a lesbian?" "Ye-wait. What?" "You said it's never been going anywhere with any man." I'm not proud of it, but I almost go with it, just to spare his feelings. In the end, though, I think it really is time that I grow up enough to hold myself responsible for my choices, good or bad. "No. I...I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I'm just not the right fit for you, Justin. I...have a lot of personal growth to do, some of which started in the last thirteen days, and it's taught me a few things I can't ignore. I would love to stay friends, if you think that's something you'd be okay with, but romantically, this is the end of the line." He sighs, settling his hands on his hips and looking thoughtfully away before turning back to me. "I guess I should have seen this coming... I was just hoping it wasn't." I nod and shrug. Not to make light of the situation but to put on the punctuation all the same. There isn't anything that could happen in this room to change my mind because of everything that happened somewhere else. "I'm sorry." Because truthfully, I am sorry. Sure, I love attention and adoration, but I don't love the idea that this guy was pining for me-fearing that I was dead-while I was stranded on an island. That doesn't make me feel good. And that says a lot because, usually, just about every type of attention makes Avery Banks feel good. "It's okay. I'll...I'll just have to get back to you on the being-friends thing. I'm not sure I'm ready for that." "Of course. I understand." "Well..." He shrugs. "Goodbye, I guess." "Goodbye, Justin." Ironically, now that I've cut him loose, I'm having a lot less trouble remembering his name. He doesn't say anything after that, instead searching my eyes for one long moment. Eventually, he leans forward to press a kiss to my cheek and walks out of my room, and I take the first full breath I've had since the helicopter landed at the Coast Guard station. The door clicks shut behind him, and just like that, all my guilt over Henry is gone. In its place, an intense yearning I can't quite shake. The room feels bigger now, colder. I sit back on the bed, staring at the door like I'm expecting someone to walk through it. But no one does. My thoughts scour memories of Henry, pausing on his crooked smile and the way his eyes softened when he looked at me on the island. To the way he made me feel like I wasn't just beautiful, but...enough. I close my eyes, leaning back against the pillows. Life on the island was hard, but it was simple. With Henry, everything felt clear. Here, in this hospital room, surrounded by the mess of reality, I'm not sure of anything anymore. Except for one thing: I miss him. And it doesn't feel like there's a damn thing I can do about it.