Chapter 1 I know life is unfair, but this is fucking absurd. -Audric's secret thoughts AUDRIC Twelve Years Ago "Thanks for the ride," my best friend, Laney, called out. Her best friend, Creole Williams, didn't do more than flip me off. I sneered at her in reaction. Fucking Creole Williams. She was the worst person on the planet. We fought like cats and dogs, and swear to God, if she gave me the chance, I'd rip her clothes off and fuck her brains out. She was the hottest person I'd ever seen. Long legs-goddamn, they were the bane of my existence. Tanned, soft skin-I only knew her skin was soft because I had to help her into my truck today. Thank god for big tires and my summer job. Beautiful, crazy blonde hair that was so wild and curly that it would never be tamed. But my most favorite thing about her was her Caribbean-blue eyes. They always felt like they were spitting fire and usually aimed toward me. "You're welcome, Lane," I said. "You're also welcome, Creole." Creole didn't bother turning around and giving me any acknowledgment. Not that I expected any. She'd hated me for the last six months now, and I had no idea why. One day we'd been the Three Musketeers, and the next, Lane was the only one that would talk to me. I knew it had something to do with a party that we'd been at after a football game during last season, but I had no idea what I'd done that made her hate me so much. The drive home was uneventful, but my brain was filled with thoughts of Creole, and what I could've possibly done to make her not want anything to do with me anymore. I'd even asked Laney multiple times, but she was just as confused as I was. Neither one of us knew what had happened that day, and likely, we never would since she was such a private person. I guess we should be thankful she was at least talking to Laney still. I pulled into the driveway and groaned when I saw my dad still wasn't home. He worked forty-eight hours on, ninety-six hours off for the Dallas Fire Department as a paramedic and firefighter. Oh, and he lived across the street now in my grandmother's house. He should've been home this morning right after I left for school, but if he wasn't there yet, that meant that he was probably still at the firehouse. Fuck. I looked across the street at my mom's house and groaned. I hated going over there. Even worse, sometimes I felt like when I went over there, my mom hated me as much as she now hated my dad. Probably, she had a right to. When my dad moved out, I'd moved out right along with him. Because no way was I staying at my mom's place all alone. I might get lost in all the shit and never be found again. My mom was a hoarder. It all started a couple of years ago when my little sister died during a robbery at the supermarket. When the dust had settled after my sister's funeral, Mom had decided never to leave the house again. Along with all of the shit that entered the house. I didn't think I'd ever seen her throw a single thing away since she'd rage-cleaned my sister's room the day before she'd died. Drawing a deep breath into my lungs, I got out of my truck that was in my grandma's driveway and walked across the street while shoving my keys into my pocket. The house was quiet when I made it inside. I looked around, my face turned down in a frown. "Mom?" I called. My mom and dad had split three months ago. Dad had found another woman that he fell in love with, and instead of forcing himself to stay and make a marriage between him and my mom work when it couldn't, he'd left. He hadn't gotten with the other woman yet, though. He was giving it time, being respectful. Not rubbing it in. He planned on waiting a year before he made his move on the woman that he fell in love with. Which I completely respected. My parents hadn't ever had a great married life. I could remember from my earliest memories, my mom and dad fighting like cats and dogs. Once I was older and could understand why they were fighting, I never could figure out why they were still together. Dad was a great dad-that was why I lived with him instead of my mother. I loved him, and he loved me. He came to all my games-even if he had to bring the entire firehouse with him when he was at work on those days. Meanwhile, Mom never bothered. She would make sure that all my papers were signed for athletics and school, but damned if her ass would ever leave the house. She was agoraphobic. She hadn't always been that way. However, one day she left the house for groceries, and the next she never did it again. My dad allowed it to continue, and before either of us knew it, she was so far gone that she couldn't even step outside to check the mail. Hell, when I was in a car accident when I was sixteen and a brand-new driver, she still hadn't come. Dad had responded to the call, and he'd held my hand while the rest of his crew had cut me out of the truck that had been slammed into a power pole by a semi-truck that hadn't seen me pulling out. I'd been in the hospital for two weeks with a broken femur, and she hadn't come up there once. "Mom?" I called again. That's when I heard the small whimper. I sighed. Mom probably heard me open the door and not close it, and now she was worried that the outside world might get in. Fucking shit. I slammed the door closed and walked through the house, my lip curling as I saw all the piled dishes in the sink. With Dad and me gone, not here to clean up after her, the house reeked. "Mom?" I called again. Another whimper. I followed the soft sounds and stalled out when I got into the hallway and smelled something weird. Coppery something. I sniffed again. "Mom?" The whimper was closer, but not any louder. I turned the corner into my bedroom and stilled. There was red splatter all over the walls. "What..." That's when I saw her. Her legs and arms were on the bed, but her head... "Oh, god. Mom," I croaked. I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. She looked back at me, her head hanging backward off my bed, and stared at me through her one seeing eye. The rest of it... Her face... Half her face... Her hand reached for a gun that I hadn't seen until now. Her eye was pleading with me. Get the gun... Get the gun... I walked over, pulled the gun away from her hand, and ignored the way my feet squelched in the carpet that was covered in blood. Once I was sure that she couldn't reach the gun anymore, I left the room and dialed 9-1-1. I was sick to my stomach, and though I stayed in the room, I couldn't look at the bed behind me. Not that I'd ever forget what it looked like. Half my mom's face was just...gone. I could see her jaw...from the inside. I... "9-1-1. What's your emergency?" the dispatcher said quickly and efficiently. "Um, this is Audric Ingram, my address is 33445 Pleasant Green Road. My mom shot herself in the face, and she's still alive," I said, my words tasting like sawdust on my tongue. A whimper from behind me. I closed my eyes tight as the 911 operator continued to ask questions. What's her name. Date of birth. Is the gun still in her reach. What was my dad's name. That one also felt like a punch to the gut. "My dad's name is Carter Ingram," I said quietly. "He's a firefighter and paramedic for Dallas Fire Department." I heard the sirens within minutes and listened to the dispatcher practically beg me to turn around and help my mother. I couldn't do it, though. No way was I looking at her again. I just couldn't... The door to the house burst open, and I knew that my father had finally arrived. "Audric!" my dad bellowed. I hurried to him, hanging up on the dispatcher. Dad rounded the corner of the hall that would lead to the bedrooms, and I slammed into him. He caught me around the shoulders and pulled me into a hug the way only dads could. "What happened?" he rasped. I broke down and cried, spewing every horrid detail. CREOLE I sat, silent, as I stared at the chaos across the street. Something had happened to Audric Ingram's mom. My one-time best friend was hurting, and I couldn't stop myself from walking outside and moving toward him. Every ingrained instinct urged me on, telling me that I could forgive him a little bit. For now. Six months ago, he'd left me on a bed in the middle of a party while the quarterback of our high school football team had taken my virginity...against my will. He had walked in on the deed, and he'd laughed at the scene and closed the door. Laughed. He had seen the tears in my eyes, and he'd laughed. I couldn't ever get over him leaving me there. What I could do, however, was make sure that he was all right. I could go over there and see what was happening. Even though I had a feeling it had to do with Audric's mom. I'd seen both Audric and his dad talking out on the lawn, so I knew that they were both okay. Audric's mom was a raging bitch, though. I wasn't too upset that it was her that was hurt. If there was anyone on this planet that deserved to die, it would be her. And that wasn't just my anger at Audric talking. I didn't want him to have to suffer or anything. However, Audric's mom, Ellis, had done the unthinkable and had hidden in a corner instead of saving Audric's little sister, Paisley, from a robbery. Paisley and Ellis had been at the grocery store when two armed, masked robbers had walked into the building and demanded everyone empty their drawers and their pockets. Ellis had run and hid, leaving Paisley all alone in the middle of a supermarket, scared out of her mind and paralyzed with fear. Things had gone horribly wrong when a man had tried to intervene and had ended up getting shot for his attempts to help. The bullet had entered the man's body, exited his body, and then found a home in Paisley's chest. The worst thing was, Audric's dad had run that call, too. Poor Carter. He had the worst luck. I wrung my hands together as I made my way out of the house down the street. I veered into Audric's grandmother's yard and walked straight toward them. His dad saw me coming and gave me a grateful smile. "I have to go now, kiddo. Looks like you have a friend to keep you company, though." A friend. That was laugh-out-loud funny. If he only knew what his son had done... Audric's dad placed his hand on my shoulder before he left, and I barely contained a flinch. Touching of any kind now scared the crap out of me. But touch from men of any age where they had some height to them made my skin crawl. I'd need to go get in the shower after this and wash off. I still wouldn't feel clean-likely I never would-but at least it'd give me the illusion that I was clean. Audric turned woodenly and saw me standing there, his eyes narrowing. "What are you doing here?" I chewed on the inside of my lip and kicked the grass underneath my foot before saying, "Just thought you could use some company." I knew what it was like having to deal with your own thoughts. It wasn't fun, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So that's where I stayed, standing by his side with at least six feet of distance between us, not speaking a word. Audric didn't say anything, either, but I was there. That had to count for something, right?