Chapter 9 I clutched the corner of my clothes , opened my mouth , stared blankly , but unable to say a single word . [ ] Dad held me , letting out quiet sobs . " Daddy knows he was wrong . Can you forgive Daddy ? " ] I stared at him blankly . This time I didn't nod . I remembered how I'd desperately tried to explain before that I didn't steal anything . If I had admitted to it , would Dad have forgiven me ? ] He would only think I was shameful . [ ] He wouldn't forgive . ] ] Dad didn't force me anymore . [ ] He wiped away his tears and said to me , " It's getting late . Let's sleep. " Just like before , he carried me upstairs and tucked me in the blanket corners . ] But in the past when Mom saw I couldn't sleep , she would tell me little stories . [ ] Dad wouldn't . The next day , strong winds picked up . Dad took me and my brothers to the amusement park . [ ] My body felt like it would be blown away by the wind again . [ ] The carousel I used to want to ride so badly- I had no interest in it now . Dad asked me , and I could only shake my head . ] ] " What if Daddy holds you while we ride ? Would you like that ? " I shook my head too . Watching other children giggle and laugh . ] I tried to smile but couldn't I realized I was different from those other children now . [ ] Before , I used to want Dad and my brothers to be like other families ' parents . On rainy days , they would hold their children in their arms so they wouldn't get wet . [ ] In winter , they would put ugly raincoats over the children's jackets . Not like my brothers , who would just leave me behind ] Now . I didn't want anything anymore . No toys , no snacks , no food . ] ] Even Mom - I didn't want her either . But they then began to give me everything ? || Ithought it was strange . Strange in a way I couldn't understand no matter how hard I tried . I threw up again , vomiting lots of yellow liquid . [ ] Dad held my listless body and drove my brothers to a faraway place . From far away , I could see Mom wearing sunglasses . ] ] There were many people around . But the moment I saw Mom , I came alive . [ ] I jumped down and threw myself into Mom's arms . Tears fell from under her sunglasses , landing on my face. I pounded on Mom desperately . " You didn't want me anymore … " ] ] I screamed , and many people around us pulling suitcases stopped to look at me . ] " You didn't want me ! " / I finally made a sound , though my voice was ugly , like an ugly duckling shrieking [ ] Mom cried tears of joy and picked me up " Little crybaby , still such a crybaby . " ] " Mommy was wrong . I knew I was wrong " || She kept cooing to me softly . Finally , when I seemed better , she walked a few steps forward to talk to Dad . ] " Christopher , if you hadn't forced me to stay by your side . I wouldn't have left her behind . For Claire's health , I hope you'll never come looking for me again . " ] " Even if you don't bring her , I'll come get her . " " Because you don't deserve to have Claire . " ] Dad looked sad . " Vivian . You know everything ? " My three brothers cried and called for Mom . [ ] But Mom walked away without looking back . || She only took me with her . ] Throughout the journey I slept and woke , woke and slept , always clutching Mom's clothes and refusing to let go . Every time I opened my eyes , I checked if Mom was still there . I fell asleep again , but Mom wasn't there . ] I fear . [] I cried in fear . The next moment Mom came from behind . I rushed to hug her . " Is Mommy not going to want me again ? " Mom smiled softly , very beautifully . " Do you know why you're called Claire ? " ] " Claire means " bright and clear . ' I named you hoping you'd be brilliant and pure . How could I not want you ? " " But my brothers said they'd rather I not be their sister . " Mom's eyes lowered . [ ] " It's all Mommy's fault . I should have taken you with me . " " But Daddy wouldn't have let us go . " " Claire , you can talk Mommy is so happy . " ] I held Mom tight , smelling her familiar scent , finally feeling safe enough to sleep again . [ ] It felt like I was catching up on all the sleep I'd missed these past two years . [ This time there were no nightmares .