---- What else could we do? Every kid wanted to be adopted. Every single one of us had been left behind. Every one of us was desperate for love. But love was in short supply-something we all had to claw our way toward. One day, we'd be fighting for the director's attention. Next, we'd be scrambling to impress some hopeful adoptive parents. And after that? We'd be trying to squeeze a little kindness out of whatever volunteer happened to show up. Maybe no one would ever understand the pain I had been through as a kid. Joel said I was the kind of person who fought to survive, and he was right. Even when they stripped me naked, pinned me down in the snow until my skin turned blue and purple, I never once thought about dying. And even after the Swishers took me in, even after all of Jenny's tantrums and schemes turned them into a family that didn't care about me, I still held on. ---- Joel was my childhood sweetheart. We'd been together for over a decade. But even when he left me for Jenny just before our wedding, dying never once crossed my mind. However, Conrad's betrayal broke me. I never should have let him into my heart. I fell apart when I realized I wasn't the one he loved, that everything between us had been a lie. For the first time, death seemed like the easiest escape. Yet, Joel didn't need to know any of this.