“Mr. Death King, Mr. Gong-Ja, I’m sorry, but please let me say one thing.” “Surprisingly, you have the right to say not just one word, but a thousand words to me, Miss Chemist. That is, assuming the other person is willing to listen. And I’m not bragging, but I’m actually a pretty generous person.” Original content can be found at N0veI.Fiɾe.net The Chemist examined me for thirty seconds before she said, “Mr. Gong-Ja, you’re screwed. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I really mean it. You’re not just screwed but really, really screwed.” “Then that makes me a pickled radish[1]...” I tilted my head, and the Chemist did too. We shared a moment that transcended human cognitive ability. As if nothing had happened, the Chemist continued. “How are you even alive in this state? I could write a thesis on your condition right now. Watch this.” “Do you see how easily your arm bends? It can be done very smoothly. Let’s see if it works the other way around.” “Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!” “Yeah, your bones are crushed. You know how, when you eat a packet of instant noodles raw, the crumbs stay at the bottom of the packet? You’re in the same state as those crumbs, and that includes your jawbone and skull.” “I surrender! I surrender! I get it, so just stop bending it! I’m going to die!” I screamed. “You’re talking like you’re still alive. You’re already a walking corpse...” The Chemist sighed. “Alright, I’ll treat you first. But my Skill has a stronger rebound the more severe the injury. I’ll do my best to help with potions, but the pain will still be unbearable.” “If the pain just now was Level 1, what level of pain comes with this treatment?” “You basically got beaten by a slime just now, so don’t whine.” I see. I’m going to die. Mine has been a life of no shame.[2] “Mr. Gong-Ja, you have two options.” “Deciding between life and death has always been difficult for me,” I answered. “Would you like to be treated all at once? Or would you prefer to have your limbs, intestines, head, shoulders, feet, knees, and toes treated separately?” “Please explain the difference.” “Well, I guess you have to choose between enduring pain that is beyond death all at once or experiencing pain that can kill you multiple times...” she trailed off. “So it’s a choice between two deaths.” Even if I braced death, I was still going to die. Admiral Yi Sun-Shin would also be at a loss with such a choice.[3] This was certainly not a speech to give to soldiers. Even the most patriotic soldiers would flee, screaming, “Joseon is hell!” “So... what will you choose?” the Chemist asked. “I’m sorry. That doesn’t really clear things up.” “Well, getting hit once is better,” I said, using my years of experience. “Just give me a quick treatment.” The Chemist pulled a glass cylinder out of her pocket. A thick, red liquid resembling Korean hangover soup sloshed inside the bottle. She said, “All right. Lie down now.” I got no answer back. I felt an uneasy premonition and blinked— When I opened my eyes, I saw a pair of violet eyes staring at me. The Tower Master looked down at me expressionlessly and muttered, “This is a bit of a problem.” “You shouldn’t be here yet.” “Please go back,” she said. “What are you talking about? Wait a moment. Where am I?” “Ack!” I sat up straight. The back of my neck was damp. “Just now, it felt like I really experienced the afterlife...” I heard a familiar voice. The Gray Spider was lying on the bed next to me, leaning against the headboard. It seemed she had also received treatment. Her body was wrapped in bandages, and she was sucking on an unknown red liquid through a straw. “Hey, the healer you brought is amazing. I normally have to recuperate for a year after sustaining this kind of injury, but she reduced it to a week. I’d hire her for my Magic Tower.” “Uh, well. The Chemist is a bit overpowered. Wait a minute, a week? It’s already been a week?” “After your chicken-like scream, it has been 173 hours, 31 minutes, and 26 seconds, so I think it’s safe to round it up to a week.” [Shiny is relieved to see the hero’s safe return.] The holy sword on the bed trembled. This couldn’t be real. I just closed my eyes for a moment. I couldn’t believe a week had passed in such a short amount of time. “How are you?” I asked. “What? Are you asking about my life? It’s a mess.” “No, that’s not what I meant. I remember defeating and capturing you, but that’s it.” I had defeated the Gray Spider, but my moment of glory was short-lived. My injuries were too severe, and I had to leave the battlefield. I had only managed to contact my world and called the Chemist, who treated me that day. ...Treatment? Was it really a treatment? Maybe it was a newly developed assassination technique. I shook my head. “Regardless of our duel, the war hasn’t concluded.” The Magic Tower had lost their leader, the elder, so it was safe to assume that the Anti-Magic-Tower Alliance had gained the upper hand. However, the Spiders still refused to surrender and barricaded themselves inside their five towers. The Anti-Magic-Tower Alliance naturally pressed their advantage and surrounded the towers. That was the beginning of a tedious and exhausting siege, so I wanted to know how it ended. The Gray Spider shrugged. “I know what you’re thinking, but nothing has been decided yet. My people would be panicking because I was captured, but surrender has nothing to do with that. Unless they’re absolutely sure that they’ll be defeated, they’ll never surrender.” “Even if I threaten to take your life?” The Gray Spider chuckled. “Some will waver. But you won’t do that, will you?” “Well, that’s true. You’re not going to escape and try to start a second duel, are you?” “I really, really want to, but... never mind. No matter how dirty and cowardly you are, a duel is a duel and a test is a test. Unless you try to kill me, I’ll quietly stay here as a prisoner. I’m already sealed with multiple layers of magic, so it’s difficult to escape anyway,” the Gray Spider muttered. Surprisingly, she seemed calm about her defeat. I clapped. “Ah, are you trying to impress the Guardian?” “Do you really have a death wish?” “Strong denial is actually strong agree—” “Strong denial is strong denial, you bastard,” the Gray Spider snapped. She lifted her bandaged leg to strike my waist, causing me to scream because of my unhealed ribs. Similarly, the Gray Spider’s unhealed leg bones shattered again. It was a beautiful cycle of life. I gasped for breath, wrapping my arm around my waist, while the Gray Spider clutched her leg and whimpered. Our groans echoed in the hospital room. We had no time to blame each other for our foolishness. The only thing on our minds was pure, intense pain. When one was in that much pain, they couldn’t speak. The Guardian looked at us in disbelief. —Are you two idiots by any chance? “The Sword Emperor says that he has loved you for 15,110 years...” I groaned. —Do you really have a death wish?! “Oh, true soulmates.” I put aside the pain. After all, this is My Life, by Kim Gong-Ja... [Shiny looks at the hero with concern because he is too much like himself today.] It’s because I ache all over right now. Please understand. The elder managed to say, “Anyway, the war isn’t over yet. It’s not over until someone actually raises the white flag.” “Excuse me, but isn’t it already over? You were captured, and your people are surrounded. What more can they do than to admit defeat?” “Well... hmm.” The Gray Spider narrowed her eyes and glanced in my direction. “I suppose it should be done by now.” There was something ominous about her eyes. “What do you mean?” I asked. "My Magic Tower has influence over dozens of worlds. You little brat, even though we’ve gathered a large army for the first time in a while, that’s not our full strength. While the witches holed up in the towers are the main force, we have others known as attack units.” “While the main force is stalling here, the attack units are probably attacking your world.” “Until a week ago, we had no idea where your world was because you were hiding underground like a cautious mole, but a week ago, you summoned a healer. That’s when my people pinpointed your world’s coordinates while you were unconscious!” The Gray Spider grinned triumphantly, as if she had landed a decisive blow. “Ah, Sword Emperor Junior. You’re definitely strong. I admit it, but remember this: in war, strength alone isn’t enough to win.” The Gray Spider clicked her tongue and shook her fist side to side. She probably meant to point at me with her index finger, but the bandages made her hands resemble a gauntlet, hence the message wasn’t properly conveyed. “You took me as a prisoner, but we took your world hostage. If you were just another ordinary psychopath like the other Hunters on the fiftieth floor, you’d say, ‘So what?’ But you’re kind. You’re crazy but kind.” “I can’t believe it.” “That’s right, Death King. Your kindness is holding you back.” “I can’t believe you would come up with such a stupid plan.” “Hm?” The Gray Spider tilted her head. “Anyway, consider this a good lesson. I’m not a demon, after all. You’re young and have a bright future ahead of you. As a gesture to show that I accept my defeat in our duel, I’ll call it a draw. One win, one loss. It will be a valuable experience.” “Yes, I have a feeling something wonderful is about to happen.” She frowned. “What? Don’t bluff. Let’s see if you can stay so calm when you see the people of your world begging for their lives.” The next day, a loud thud echoed outside. Dozens of commanding Spiders with whopping amounts of mana lay unconscious on the ground. Their subordinates, about six hundred of them, were tied up outside the building. Uburka stood tall with his arms crossed. “Ugor, some flies were bothering me, so I had to beat them up more than usual. I wanted to resolve the misunderstanding through conversation, but they wouldn’t listen. I had no choice but to use force.” “Such is life. How are you, Daddy?” “Oh.” I waved my hand while munching on potato chips in the hospital bed. The Gray Spider on the bed next to me had her mouth wide open. “Except for the pain that makes me feel like I might die, I’m fine.” “Nothing out of the ordinary, then.” “True. Is everything okay in Babylon?” Uburka stroked his chin. “Nothing major, ugor. Just small things. Other than that, all kinds of bums from all over the universe have been flocking to Babylon.” “No matter how newbie our world is, word must have spread by now. Those who are smart enough to learn won’t dare cross Babylon anymore.” “Hm.” I put down the potato chip bag, looking back at the Gray Spider. “That’s what he says. Anyway, I think you learned a good lesson. I’m not a demon. You’re an elder, after all, so I’ll give you some leeway since you put up a good fight. I’ll call it one win for me and one loss for you.” With a bright smile, I added, “What a great experience!” The Gray Spider slowly wrapped her hands around her head, as if she were cursing the universe. She muttered, “Someone beat this brat for me...” “Cheer up. Life is beautiful, isn’t it?” 1. It’s a Korean dad joke. The raw is 너무한데요(That’s too harsh.) And 무 is also radish in Korean. ☜ 2. A parody of a quote from Osamu Dazai’s work No Longer Human. ☜ 3. Gong-Ja is using Admiral Yi Sun-Shin’s famous quote, “Those who seek death shall live. Those who seek life shall die.” ☜