Chapter 21 Guilt and dread twisted in my stomach as I dropped Rosie off at preschool Friday morning. When the teacher came out to get her, I waved to my daughter, feeling like a fraud. I hadn't told Casey what I was doing this morning. I'd decided not to mention anything until I understood what was going on. I didn't want to alarm him, and this felt like something I had to do without any outside voices complicating the matter. Also, Casey was under a lot of work stress lately, and this would only compound that. Keeping business as usual on the homefront seemed like the best idea. My stomach churned as I pulled up in front of Dorian's rental property in a residential neighborhood, tucked away at the end of a cul-de-sac. The beautiful two-story brick house was huge. Not sure why this surprised me. It made perfect sense. I'd planned to sit in my car and find my bearings for a few minutes, but I didn't have the chance. Before I could even take my seatbelt off, the front door opened and Dorian appeared. He held a hand up in a wave, then slipped his hands in his pockets, seeming anxious. The beauty of the house paled next to the man standing at the doorway. I got out of my car and walked toward the door. I stopped a few feet away, keeping my distance. I looked up at the house. "This place is nice." Though as lovely as it was, it was a drop in the bucket compared to the Vanderbilt mansion. "Thanks. It was the only thing I could find that didn't require a minimum stay." He moved aside. "Come in." The inside was even more impressive than the flawless exterior. The entry opened to a huge living room with a large wraparound couch the color of sand. Everything coordinated perfectly, and large windows let in an abundance of light. This place was meant for a large, wholesome family, not some mysterious meeting between ex-lovers. Dorian had a roaring fire going. "Let's sit," he said, leading me to the couch in front of the fireplace. The flames crackled. It was a scene way too intense for eight fifteen in the morning. "You're nervous," he said. "I can't help it." I licked my lips. "I don't understand any of this." He sat across from me on the far end of the couch, rubbing his palms along his thighs. "Believe me. I'm nervous, too. Can I get you some coffee?" I shook my head. "No, thank you." He nodded and exhaled. "I don't even know where to begin." "Why don't you start with why you showed up at my doorstep after five years? Why did you wait so long if you have things to say to me?" "I didn't have much of a choice." "I don't understand." "You're not supposed to understand, but do you know anything at all?" "What am I supposed to know about?" "Have you googled me?" "Only very recently. Like literally a week ago. That's part of why it was such a shock to see you. I came across an article about you having gone missing, and I was afraid to keep searching because I thought you were..." My voice trembled. Shit. Why am I crying? He's fine. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." He moved to sit next to me and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry to have worried you like that." He sighed. "You'd never searched my name before that?" Sniffling, I shook my head. "Not even once. I chose to erase you from my life like you did me. It wasn't going to make anything easier to keep tabs on you. It would've been painful to see your face." My confusion worsened by the second. "Why? What would I have found if I'd kept searching?" "Just some things that wouldn't have made sense without me explaining-like the real reason I went missing, why I eventually walked away from my father's company. Nothing you would've found told the full story, though. You would've probably just been more confused." "I did know you put the mansion up for sale." "A while back, yeah. How did you know that?" "I drove by on my way out of Orion Coast. One final goodbye. Saw the realtor sign. I was shocked but figured you had your reasons." He stared at me a few moments. "What?" I asked. "You're so fucking beautiful. It hurts to look at you, Rosebud." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I knew it was gonna be tough seeing you. But it's even harder than I thought." I cleared my throat, hardly able to breathe. "This is hard for me, too." "I know it is. Thank you for putting aside your fears and coming. It means a lot to me." My body stiffened as my protective instinct kicked in. "Well, I don't have all morning. I've got to be back at the school by eleven, so..." "So I should cut to the chase." He licked his lips. "Yeah." Dorian took a deep breath. "Nothing is what it seemed, Primrose. When I ended things with you, it wasn't because I wanted to. It was because I had to." He paused. "Your life was on the line. You just didn't know it." My stomach dropped. "What are you talking about?" "I need to back up a bit. Please bear with me because...it's a lot to take in." Shifting in my seat, I nodded. "I have to start by going back to the time right after my father and Christina died. Something about their deaths never sat right with me. It was a feeling I had even before I moved to California from Boston. My father had been working on a number of inventions at the time of his death that, for various reasons, could've been motivation for someone to kill him." My eyes widened. "Soon after I came home to Orion Coast, I hired a team of investigators to look into what really happened at that private villa where my father and Christina had been staying. The local authorities had deemed it an accident, but I wasn't convinced." "How come you didn't mention any of this to me at the time?" "I didn't want to burden you with it, especially since I was never sure there was any validity to my concerns. I didn't want to scare you. I never imagined what the investigation would spiral into. Every day that you and I lived at the mansion, though, the investigators I hired were working tirelessly to get to the bottom of what really happened to my dad and Christina." A sinking feeling grew in my stomach. "What did they find?" He sighed. "It was worse than anything I could have imagined. Vanderbilt Technologies had been working on a new type of solar panel that would've garnered a huge government contract. It would've been the most lucrative product they'd ever created. For a long time, Remington was credited as the sole creator. But in reality, the technology was originally designed by a man named Alfred Mills. Unbeknownst to anyone until years later, Mills had pitched the idea for the panel to my father in the hopes of partnering with Vanderbilt to get it patented and sold. But unfortunately, my father wasn't as honorable a business partner as I'd always assumed him to be." "Remington was crooked?" Dorian nodded. "My father modified Mills's design somewhat and filed the patent solely under his own name, leaving Mills off of it. Mills filed a lawsuit, but it was eventually thrown out due to lack of evidence. He was never able to prove he was the original designer. I'd known about that but had always assumed Mills was lying." "But Remington was the liar..." He nodded. "Right before my father and Christina died, Vanderbilt was about to launch the stolen solar panel product. Their deaths stalled the release and distribution, and the potential buyers, including the government, lost confidence with Remington gone. One of the first things I was tasked with when I took over was getting the solar panel release back on track. Little did I know that Mills and the people working for him were planning my demise as well. I wondered if Mills might have been behind the carbon monoxide incident, but it wasn't until I started noticing that I was being followed that I realized my suspicions were right. The guys I'd hired to look into things discovered that people had been taking photos of the house. Photos of us." He paused. "Photos of you." Holy shit. "That's when you started to pull away." Dorian looked into my eyes and nodded. "I was terrified. I knew I needed to get you away from all of it. I would've never forgiven myself if something happened to you. But I also knew how loyal and dedicated you were. I knew if I told you what was going on, you wouldn't leave my side. I couldn't risk you getting hurt. The company I'd hired to investigate was based in London, which was why I went out there before I broke up with you. During my trip, they presented me with all the evidence they'd gathered. It became clear that I needed to develop a safety plan. So I lied to you to get you away from me, though that was the last thing I ever wanted. I didn't want to scare you or drag you into it. I wanted you to live your life, even if it killed me to let you go." My heart had never felt heavier, and my mind swirled. Yet there was still so much he hadn't yet explained. "What happened after we broke up?" "I kept tabs on you, to make sure you were okay while you were living at Janelle's. I had someone looking out for your safety that entire time. You just didn't know it. And when I found out you were leaving California, I was relieved, even though I was already pretty sure that after moving out of the mansion and out of my life, you were no longer a target. Once you left California, I felt more at peace with planning my eventual disappearance." My head hurt. "Where have you been all this time, Dorian?" "First, I flew to Turkey. That's where we staged the boat incident to make it look like Benjamin and I were lost at sea." "How were you able to manage that?" He scrubbed his hand over his face. "There's nothing the right amount of money can't buy. I paid these guys to smuggle us on their yacht into Greece. That's where I was before returning to California recently. I had a few trusted confidantes at the company who knew my whereabouts. For a while, I was still running Vanderbilt as best I could remotely." "What happened to allow you to come out of hiding?" "A couple of things. One, in the midst of numerous production delays on our end, a bigger and better solar panel product was developed by a competitor, which essentially took away demand for Vanderbilt's. But the biggest thing was, while we were finally able to gather enough evidence to prove Mills was responsible for the carbon monoxide attack, before he could be arrested, Mills died." My eyes went wide. "He was murdered?" "No. He died of natural causes, believe it or not, about six months ago." "So...back up. The carbon monoxide. How did Mills make that happen?" Dorian shook his head. "Sorry. I got ahead of myself. Mills hired a mole who befriended my father. That guy, Philip Steele, was on the trip with them. He was actually the person who invited them to Hawaii. Steele was the one who manipulated the vent at the place where they were staying, and he eventually took a plea deal after confessing what he'd done. But because Mills is dead now, there's no further action to take. It wasn't until his death that I felt safe enough to come back to the States. There's no indication of an active threat now, but even so, I'd had enough. A few months ago, I sold my shares of Vanderbilt to a new owner. I'm no longer a part of the company, aside from doing some remote consulting work for them." I felt numb, unable to fully process everything. "I can't believe this..." "Primrose, I've thought about you every day. I never wanted to let you go, never wanted to go down the nightmarish path I've been navigating these past several years. It killed me that you thought I chose to end what we had. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. But at the time, I didn't see another choice. I couldn't let them use you as collateral to get to me." "I wish you had told me the truth." "You say that, but that wouldn't have been the right choice if it meant you could've been harmed." He paused. "Would you have left me if I told you everything?" "Absolutely not." He nodded. "I knew that. Even when I was overseas and presumed missing, I didn't trust that I was fully safe because I was still investigating the man responsible for my father's death. I never quite knew whom I could trust. But when Mills died, I got my life back." Closing my eyes, I took a moment to let everything register. "Holy shit." I shook my head. "I'm sorry for being rude to you when you showed up at my house on Wednesday. I obviously had no idea that-" "Don't you dare apologize, Rosebud. I'm the one who's sorry for the pain I put you through. After everything was lost, the most I could hope for was an opportunity to finally explain everything. Thank you so much for giving that to me today." A part of me wanted to pull him close and tell him how much I'd missed him. But I had to remind myself that despite hearing the truth, I was no longer the woman I'd been when he left me. Nothing about my life was the same. "That was really the short of it," he said. "There's so much more I could tell you about my time away. I mostly lived modestly in Greece to stay under the radar. I used an alias and tried to immerse myself in the culture, tried to find some enjoyment in life, even when things felt like they were falling apart." The door opened behind us, causing me to jump. Dorian stood, and I turned to find an old familiar face smiling back at me. "Primrose..." "Benjamin?" I got up from the couch and ran to him. "What are you doing here?" I asked as we embraced. "That's the other thing," Dorian said from behind me. "Benjamin's been with me this whole time." I looked between them. "He has?" "Back when everything was first coming to light, I confided in him. Benjamin knew everything from the beginning. When I told him of my plans to flee and disappear for a while, he wouldn't let me go it alone. He's been my partner in crime ever since." I covered my mouth. "Wow." Benjamin patted my back. "I felt terrible lying to you the last time we saw each other, the day you moved out. I knew I'd likely not see you for a very long time, but I couldn't tell you anything for your own safety. Patsy was in the dark, too. I hope you'll forgive me." I reached out to hug him again. "I'm just glad to know Dorian wasn't alone. And that both of you are okay." Benjamin turned to Dorian. "I also have to apologize. It wasn't my intent to come back so soon and interrupt your conversation. I went to the market but realized I left my wallet here." "I'm glad you came back." I smiled. "It's so good to see you." "Oh, I wasn't gonna leave town without seeing you. I just wanted you and Dorian to have privacy today so he could talk to you before I intruded." "It warms my heart that you two have been together all this time." "I had to look out for him." He winked. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get out of your hair." He turned to me. "Don't worry. I won't leave town until you and I have had a proper catch-up, Primrose." "You better not." After he left, I turned to face Dorian again. Benjamin's presence had allowed for a brief reprieve from the tension. Now that he was gone, it returned in full force. "He's amazing," I said. "That he is," Dorian agreed. "I don't know what I would've done without him." "I always wondered why he'd never reached out to me. I mean, I know why I didn't reach out to him..." "Because you didn't want to find out I'd moved on?" I nodded. "Yeah. I always felt guilty about not initiating contact with him, but I also thought Benjamin would check on me eventually. When he never did, I assumed it was because he knew something and didn't want to hurt me. So I never pushed it." "He certainly knew some things. Just not what you likely envisioned. I'm sorry you were led to believe he didn't care-that I didn't care." We returned to our seats and continued our conversation. Dorian had done enough digging into my life to know I was with Casey and had a child, but he didn't know the circumstances in which I'd met my fiancé or gotten pregnant. I spent a good deal of time catching him up on how my current situation had come to be. I shied away from going into too much detail about my feelings for Casey, though. Not sure if that was because I didn't want Dorian to sense my hesitancy about the wedding, or because I didn't want to assume Dorian was ready to talk about Casey. "I'm proud of you, Rosebud," he finally said. "Why?" "You're a good mother. It wasn't a situation you asked for, but you rolled with it. It seems like you've dedicated your life to your daughter." "Why wouldn't I? That's what you're supposed to do, right?" His stare was piercing. "Are you happy?" "I'm happy being a mom." "What about everything else?" "Are you asking if I'm happy in my relationship?" "Yes," he answered immediately. I swallowed. "I love Casey. He's an amazing father and a hard worker." "You're in love with him?" "I just said I loved him." His gaze was unwavering. "I asked if you're in love with him." "What's the difference?" "You can love people for many different reasons." He paused and held out his palms. "I swear to you, Primrose, I'm not here to stir up trouble. I'm just curious. Because I know how you felt about me. I also know the pain I caused you. For you to have fallen in love with someone else a year later seems..." "I didn't fall in love with Casey a year later. I accidentally got pregnant a year later. I've learned to love him over time in the years since Rosie was born." Dorian nodded. "I understand. Thank you. It's none of my business. I just want to know you're happy and fulfilled." My cheeks flushed. "I feel like I'm on the hotseat." "I don't mean to pressure you." "I never imagined I'd be sitting across from you again." "I know. It's surreal. As much as I've imagined this moment, it still feels like an out-of-body experience. Of course, my biggest wish when everything resolved was that somehow I could work things out and come back to you. But since I discovered your situation, I've been working to accept that the happily ever after I wanted isn't gonna happen." He stared into the fire. "I debated not coming at all. I don't want to disrupt your life. But ultimately, I couldn't stand the idea of you believing I'd fallen out of love with you." "I'm not the same person anymore," I confessed. "Really? Or are you just saying that because it's the safest thing to hide behind?" He turned to look at me. "And don't get me wrong, I wouldn't blame you for that." After several seconds of quiet, he hit me with another question that was hard to answer. "What's going on with your art?" "I haven't painted for me in years," I admitted. "I have a business, though. I paint for kids. Faces. Animals. Caricatures. It does well." "That's cool. But why aren't you painting for you anymore?" How could I admit that every ounce of true creativity had been sucked out of me the day he ended things? That would be like pouring salt in his wounds. "I lost my way, I guess." "That's sad to hear. I'm sorry if I had anything to do with it." He knew. I couldn't deny it. So I said nothing. When I checked my phone, it was five minutes past the time I should've left to get Rosie. I jumped up. "I have to go." A look of panic bloomed on his face. "Already?" "I don't have much free time these days." He followed me toward the door. "I'd like to talk more." I looked away, unsure whether that was a good idea. "Rosebud, look at me." He reached his hand out and gently lifted my chin. That simple touch nearly undid me. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me to," he said, removing his hand. "I promise I'm not here to make trouble for you. I just need closure. I need to know there's nothing left unsaid between us. And more than anything, I need to know you're truly okay and happy." I nodded. Even though I hated keeping secrets from my family, I wasn't ready to let him leave town just yet. "I can come back on Monday at the same time, so we can finish talking," I said before I could think better of it. Dorian let out a relieved breath. "That would be amazing, but only if you want to. I don't want you to feel obligated." I opened the door. "I have to go." "Yeah. Of course. You shouldn't be late to get her." Stalling for one more moment, I realized this doorway separated my old life from my new one, both equally precious to me for different reasons. "Bye, Dorian." He followed me out to my car and stood at the edge of the driveway as I backed out. I offered a wave, and he returned it, a slight but sad smile on his face. As I drove off, I wondered how I could possibly get through the next few days without giving myself away to Casey. Surely he'd know something was wrong. I wondered if I should tell him what was going on, but it still didn't seem like the appropriate time. There was more I needed to learn, not only about Dorian's life, but about my own feelings on the matter, before communicating anything to Casey. Nothing I'd known before today was real. It was going to take me more than a day to absorb the truth. My mind raced as I drove, and just like the day Dorian had shown up at my door, I didn't know how I'd gotten from point A to point B when I arrived at the preschool. When Rosie's teacher opened the car door, I put on my best smile to greet my daughter. Rosie grinned proudly as she handed me a picture. It was mostly scribbles with some cotton balls and glitter glued to it. To her, this was just like any other day, while my world had been turned upside down yet again. "So pretty, honey," I managed. The teacher buckled Rosie in. "Have a great weekend, Primrose." Weekend? Gosh, I barely knew what day it was. "You, too, Sharon," I told her. When she closed the door, a pang of guilt returned. This little girl assumed I'd been home while she was at school. Meanwhile I'd snuck off to see a man who wasn't her father. I'd done nothing wrong, yet I couldn't help feeling deceitful. So naturally, I did what any guilty mom would do: I took Rosie for a treat. "Do you want an ice cream cone from McDonald's?" Rosie bounced up and down. "Yay! Yay! Yay!" I chuckled. "Okay, then." I passed the turn that would normally take us to our house and drove instead to the drive-thru. After getting her a cone and myself an iced coffee, we went home. Back at the house, I cleaned sticky ice cream off of my daughter at the kitchen sink and then set her up at the small table in the living room with a coloring book and some crayons. I promised to join her in a few minutes-right after I escaped to the bathroom and sobbed like never before. In a romance-themed observation show, several participants undergo a series of interactions and conflicts filled with love, misunderstandings, and power struggles. In the end, one couple rises to over...