Chapter 27 It had been two months since the night I'd called Dorian. The back-and-forth debate I'd endured for a week before making that decision had nearly killed me, and I'd needed to put myself out of my misery. The only way I knew to do that was to force myself to choose. My decision, though, had brought me very little peace. I'd thought about Dorian every hour of every day since. I'd hoped that setting him free would somehow squelch the longing inside of me, but it had only made it worse. The hurt in his voice when I'd called him still haunted me. So did his words-that I was pretending not to love him. That was the truth. After I told Dorian I was going forward with the wedding, I'd decided to keep everything that had happened to myself and not upset Casey. And I couldn't bear the thought of going through it all again. Did I love Casey? Yes. But I loved him for different reasons than I loved Dorian. Reasons that weren't as authentically pure and unconditional. I'd never dreamed I would be the one to ultimately hurt Dorian after I'd felt so hurt by him for so many years. But my hurting him was ultimately what ended us. You did it for Rosie, I kept telling myself. It was mid-morning, and I had an hour before it was time to get Rosie from preschool. This was always the time of day when I was tempted to search Dorian's name online or even pick up the phone and call to see how he was doing. But nothing good could come from reopening wounds still in the process of healing. So I resisted. The doorbell rang, and I opened the door to find a delivery man holding a small package. "I'm gonna need your signature for this, ma'am." "Sure." I signed his electronic pad and took the box. When I saw the name on the return label, my stomach dropped. Dorian Vanderbilt. I took the box to the kitchen before rummaging through my junk drawer for scissors. My hands shook. After carefully slicing through the tape, I opened the package. Inside was a small box. When I lifted the cover, I nearly fell back at the sight of a sparkling engagement ring. What? Why? Has he lost his mind? The diamond had to be at least four carats. There was a note inside. Primrose, after my father passed away, his and Christina's personal belongings that had been with them at the time of their deaths were shipped to me in Boston. One of the items was Christina's engagement ring. I'd kept it in a safe deposit box at my bank. Recently, I went back to Boston and cleared everything out. As you're Christina's next of kin, I believe you should keep this ring. I hope you're doing well. -Dorian Now that I looked more closely at the ring, I did recognize it as Aunt Christina's. She didn't always wear it, but I had seen it a couple of times. My heart pounded. What the hell had I been thinking? That he was sending me a proposal in the mail? Begging me to change my mind? I stared at the ring for several minutes, the sun in my kitchen sparkling off what I was sure was a flawless diamond-absolutely beautiful yet so bittersweet because this had been on Christina's hand when she died. This was my opportunity to have what might've been her most cherished item. It was an honor. I reread the note a few times. So formal. No salutation at the end. He'd just signed it Dorian. I understood completely, even if I hated that after everything we'd been through, this was the only type of communication we had left. I walked the box out to the recycle bin and almost discarded it before I noticed one other item inside with the tissue paper. My chest constricted at the sight of it. A single red rosebud. Oh, my heart. My Dorian. *** A week later, I was scrolling social media, once again fighting the urge to search Dorian's name online. Over the past week, I'd caved and searched more times than I could count. He didn't have social media accounts that I could find. That made it easier for me. But his friend Candace did have social media. And if I checked her page daily, as I tended to do on my phone at night, one of these days I was going to see something that would upset me. I'd first browsed Candace's page with genuine curiosity. Once Dorian had told me she was doing well and had two kids now, I had to see it for myself. I'd felt so much joy as I scrolled through the photos of her and Chandler playing with their beautiful kids. But months later, I knew my daily checking had everything to do with getting a glimpse of Dorian. To torture myself? Maybe. But also to see if he was okay, and to maybe catch a smile on his face so I didn't have to feel so terrible about my decision. But today I got more than I'd bargained for. Candace had posted a photo taken at what I recognized as the pool area at Dorian's mansion. Chandler lifted their beautiful little boy into the air from the water, but the background is what caught my attention. I used my thumb and index finger to zoom in on what looked to be Dorian sitting in one of the lounge chairs with a woman leaning against his chest. It was a little blurry, yet she seemed beautiful. No surprise there. She also seemed to have an amazing figure. My heart sank. Why did I have to have this reaction? I wanted Dorian to move on, didn't I? That's what I'd told myself. But in all reality, most of what I'd told myself these past few months had been disingenuous. I was the only one who knew that every moment I'd spent away from Dorian since he came to Ohio had been agonizing. And I wasn't doing all that great a job being discreet about my online research, either. This past week, Casey had asked me more than once what I was doing on the computer while he sat on the other side of the living room watching TV. I'd blown it off and said I was just scrolling. I was about to leave Instagram when I noticed that the photo I'd been looking at was actually the first in a slideshow of multiple photos. The temptation was real. Adrenaline coursed through me as I debated whether to slide my finger across to the left to look at the other images. My finger hovered until I finally bit the bullet and swiped. The second image was Candace applying sunscreen to her little girl. The third was Dorian and Chandler holding up their beers. I lingered on that one because it was the first time I'd gotten a good look at Dorian's face since I last saw him. He looked so beautiful with his black hair slicked back from the water. How I missed a lazy day at the pool with him. My heart beat faster with every second. Had I made the right choice in keeping my family together? I wasn't sure. But my love for Dorian had never been up for debate. I'd always love him. A part of me had still loved him even when I thought he'd intentionally ended us. I braced myself and finally swiped to the last photo. My heart sank, because it was exactly what I'd dreaded: a close-up and clearer version of Dorian's new girlfriend, sitting on his lap with her arm around him. As the blood rose to my face, I whispered to myself, "This is what you wanted. You need him to move on so you can move on with your life. This is good. You should be happy for him." All lies. Consumed by jealousy, I didn't realize my finger was still on the image until a giant heart appeared on the screen. Oh no. Shit. Shit. Shit! I'd accidentally liked the photo. I immediately unliked it. But the damage had been done. People got notifications whenever someone liked one of their photos, even if the liker retracted it. It was too late to take back my mistake. Candace didn't have very many followers. It seemed to be just close family and friends, even if her photos were public. So she wouldn't likely miss the notification. Fuck! But it was time to pick Rosie up. So I swallowed my humiliation and put my phone away. Dread knotted in my stomach the entire way to the preschool. It lightened a bit as I saw my smiling daughter running toward the car. Get back to reality, Primrose. The teacher opened the door and got her settled in the backseat. "You look like you had a good day, honey." My daughter squealed in delight. "We got to pet the animals!" "We had the animal man come today," her teacher explained. "He brought all sorts of critters with him. The kids loved it." "Which one was your favorite?" I asked her. "The iguana. Can we get one, Mommy?" "Maybe someday." As we drove off, I tried my best to focus on the road and clear my mind so I could be present for my daughter for the rest of the afternoon. When we got home, I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sat with her as we chatted more about the animals she'd encountered at school. After, since the weather was decent today, I took her outside so she could play on the swing set Casey had recently assembled in the yard. I pulled up two chairs-one for sitting and one to kick my legs up on. My nerves activated again as I opened Instagram. This time, there was a new message request from Candace. My stomach dropped. Oh no. This was my biggest nightmare. She had to know I was stalking Dorian. And if there was any doubt about it, I'd liked the one photo of him and his new girl to prove it. I cringed. Though I wished I could put off reading her message until after Rosie went to bed tonight, curiosity was killing me. So I clicked on it. Because we weren't following each other, I had the option to accept the message or not. Once I accepted, though, she'd see that I'd read it. So, I opted to read it first and then decide whether to accept. Hey, Primrose. I hope it's okay that I'm messaging you. I saw that you'd liked one of my photos. I then clicked over to your account to make sure it was you. You look beautiful, and your daughter is absolutely adorable. It's so great to see you after all this time. Dorian told me a bit about his trip to Ohio. He said you got emotional when he told you about my remission. That really touched me. I've wanted to reach out to you for a long time now but didn't want to overstep. I know the situation between you and Dorian is complicated. I just wanted to say hello and let you know I was thinking of you. I also followed you. I hope that's okay. If you ever want to talk, I won't say anything to the guys. I had to stop for a moment to process that. She'd also given me her phone number and encouraged me to call her. What good could possibly come from that? However, I did appreciate her saying she wouldn't discuss any conversations we had with Chandler or Dorian. I believed her, even if that might've been dumb. Candace had always struck me as a real girls' girl. I didn't take her to be a liar. Yet I couldn't accept the message yet. Would it be a good idea to engage? That was a slippery slope. If I never accepted the message, she could assume I never saw it. That might be one way to leave well enough alone, if I could curb my curiosity. What Dorian was up to these days wasn't any of my business. Talking to her would tempt me to ask about him, and then I'd become privy to information I had no right to have-unless, of course, it was coming from Dorian himself. *** A couple of days went by, and I hadn't responded to Candace's message. The more time that passed, the more I told myself it was better to let sleeping dogs lie. It wouldn't be good to obtain information I had no right to know. Probably I should take it one step further and stop checking her damn page altogether. Monday when Rosie was at school, though, I had an abrupt change of heart. Or maybe I just stopped kidding myself. Either way, I accepted the message. Ultimately, that's what I wanted. And now that she could see I'd viewed it, I needed to respond. Hey, Candace! It's so good to hear from you. I have to admit, I'm a bit embarrassed for being caught stalking your page. But if it gave me the opportunity to say hello, it was worth it. Your kids are gorgeous, and needless to say, I'm very happy to see you looking so vibrant and healthy. My Rosie is a handful but also a joy. I'm happy we're both getting to experience motherhood. It's truly a gift. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. I decided to leave it at that and not say anything about a phone call. I closed the app feeling relieved about putting the whole thing behind me. But after making a quick snack, I checked my messages again and saw that Candace responded. It's great to hear from you! Let me know when you have time to chat. If you're around in the next hour, my kids are out getting an early breakfast with Chandler. Might be a good time to talk. She'd left her number again and clearly didn't want to drop the phone-call thing. I looked at the time on the message, and she'd sent it five minutes ago. Wouldn't it be rude not to call her? If I was going to do this, better to get it over with and not miss the window. I took a deep breath and dialed. After a couple of rings, she picked up. "Primrose?" "Yes! Hi. Wasn't sure you'd know it was me." "Well, I don't have too many people other than Chandler calling me at this time. I'm glad you called." "This is a good time for me, too. My daughter is in school for another couple of hours." "Aren't these little breaks when they're out of the house like gold?" "The only time I can think straight and get stuff done." I exhaled. "I know." She paused. "I hope I wasn't being too forward in asking you to call me. I feel more comfortable talking than typing everything out, especially since Chandler sometimes uses my phone to scroll on social media. He doesn't have his own account." "Ah. Well, I don't want you to have to hide anything from him." "Oh, I know. I love my husband, but I don't trust that he wouldn't run to Dorian and tell him everything. I want you to be able to talk to me honestly, if you want to, without having to worry about that." I smiled. It made me happy that we were on the same page. "I appreciate that," I said. "At the same time, I feel like I shouldn't be talking about Dorian behind his back, especially to one of his friends." "You don't have to say anything you don't want to," Candace assured me. "I just wanted to say hello and acknowledge that I've thought of you, too, all these years. When I found out the real reason Dorian broke up with you, I felt horrible that you were out there somewhere with a broken heart, not knowing the full story." "Yeah," I breathed. "Needless to say, the truth was a shock, but I'm grateful he came to find me to explain everything." Then I changed the subject, asking about her health. We spent the next several minutes discussing her remission and her fears of recurrence, especially now that she had children. She seemed to be in a good headspace overall, though-much better than mine, if I were being honest. "So..." she said the moment there was a lull in our conversation. "I couldn't help but notice that you liked and then unliked the photo of Dorian and Liv. I'm sure it wasn't easy to see that." She had a name. Liv. "I don't know how to feel," I told her. "I do want him to be happy." "She's an acquaintance of mine. That's how they met." I felt unjustifiably betrayed by that news. "Really..." "Yeah. I invited them over at the same time one day. I suspected she'd be a good fit for him, but I had my reservations because I knew he wasn't over you, despite knowing you were moving forward with your wedding." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "It looks like it worked out." "They've been dating ever since, and I know she's crazy about him. But..." She hesitated. "What?" I urged, sitting at the edge of my seat. "I've struggled with feeling like maybe I made the wrong decision in introducing them. I don't want her to get hurt." "I'm getting married..." I said defensively. "I know that." She went silent. I got the impression she was digging for my true feelings on the matter, trying to see if there was still doubt on my end. She wouldn't have had to dig very far to figure it out. I was grateful she couldn't see my face. She'd probably see right through me. "I'm not going to do anything to disrupt his life again," I eventually said. "Not intentionally. But you're still breathing, right?" She chuckled. "I think you're always going to be in his heart. Anyone else comes second." Her candor made me sweat. "I can't do anything about feelings Dorian still has for me. I'm not sure what you want me to say..." "I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything. I'm just being honest about how I see the situation. I understand if you'd prefer not to know anything." "I would prefer not to know. Because it's hard for me." My voice shook. "It was hard for me to see him with her." I shut my eyes, realizing I'd admitted more than I intended. "I'm sure..." She sighed. "And I won't continue to bring this up. It's just... I think he's forcing himself to move on, and while that could be construed as a good thing, it also has the potential for disaster." "How serious are they?" "She told me she's falling in love with him. But he hasn't mentioned the L word to her. And while she hasn't moved in officially, she's at the mansion a lot of the time. I could see this getting serious." That felt like a punch to the gut. Liv was living my former life. "If there's any chance of you pulling a runaway bride, I wanted you to know that if you wait too long, things are gonna be a lot more complicated," Candace said. "I promise I'm not trying to stir up trouble. I just want to protect my friends. I still consider you one of them. To be clear, I'm not on anyone's side here. I wouldn't have dreamed of getting involved if I hadn't seen that you liked and unliked the photo of them. That made me wonder if you haven't fully gotten over him." I'd never get over him. She sighed. "I'm not gonna interfere anymore, and I'm not gonna tell anyone we had this conversation. What you do with this information is totally up to you." "Thank you for reaching out to me, Candace," I said after a long pause. "I appreciate it." "I hope I haven't overstepped." "No. I respect you for sharing what you think is important for me to know." "I also hope I haven't scared you off and that you'll want to keep in touch. I swear, we don't have to talk about Dorian next time." "It's all good," I said, though if I knew what was good for me, I wouldn't initiate any additional communication with her, even if that made me sad. There was no real way to separate Candace from Dorian. "Well, I'm sure you have things to do," she said. "So I'll let you go." "It was good talking to you, Candace." "You, too, Primrose. Truly." After we hung up, I sat in a daze, the weight of the conversation heavy on my shoulders. I'd hoped to come out of that phone call feeling better, but it had only made me feel worse. Dorian was getting serious with that woman. What if he was falling in love? And more than that, why was I so invested if I wanted him to be happy? Why did this feel so utterly devastating? Did I expect to move on and marry Casey while Dorian pined for me alone at the mansion in perpetuity? Of course not. That would be the most selfish thing imaginable. I'd made my decision. I'd ended things with Dorian. And I had to come to terms with it. The door opened. I jumped and turned to find Casey entering. I sprang to my feet. "What are you doing home?" "I decided to take the rest of the day off." He dropped his bag. "Surprise!" "You never do that." I flashed my best fake smile. "I know. It just hit me today how much I miss out on because of work. I got ahead on my to-do list and told Jim I needed the afternoon off. I want to surprise Rosie at pickup." Running a shaky hand through my hair, I forced another smile. "She's gonna love that." "Just her?" He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. "I was hoping you'd be happy, too." "Of course I am." I stiffened. "What do you want to do after we pick her up?" "I was thinking we could get sandwiches from the deli and take them to the park. After, we can hit the zoo. We don't use those season passes nearly enough." "That sounds like an amazing plan." Casey kissed me again. Immediately, I noticed his erection. He whispered in my ear, "You think we can get a quick one in before we have to pick her up? I'm so freaking horny." My first instinct was to lie. "I just got my period." "So?" "I'm not comfortable." "Okay." He pouted. "I understand." My heart sank. Lying to get out of having sex was a first for me. But I couldn't bear to do that right now. It didn't feel right when I'd spent the morning agonizing over Dorian. I added another notch to the long line of things I felt guilty about lately. That afternoon, Casey, Rosie, and I had what by all appearances was a wholesome family outing. Inside my brain, though, was a tornado of inappropriate thoughts contaminating the entire experience. I felt like the worst mother and wife-to-be on Earth. In a romance-themed observation show, several participants undergo a series of interactions and conflicts filled with love, misunderstandings, and power struggles. In the end, one couple rises to over...