6 golden rod that holds up the spray faucet . He goes over to it and starts the water . The twins love that it looks like rain . " It's warm ," he says . I reach up to test the water . I nod and he presses the latch for the tub to fill . I pour some of the bubble soap in . " Come so I can help you out of your clothes , " I say and pour some of the bubble bath soap that might have just saved our lives into the big cereal bowl . " Would you like some help ? " Knightly offers . 1 look down at my kids and a part of me wants me to tell him to fuck off , but I can't . He didn't hesitate to come for us . Granted he's the reason why we were in that situation . I ' m hoping he can give me some answers . " Sure . " I agree . I help Ayrie out of her clothes and place her in the tub . The bottom is rough with some kind of stone . He helps Aizen . My son doesn't say anything as he moves the bubbles around . I fold their clothes while they play in the water . " It's not slippery like ours , " Azien says . " It's safer ," Knightly tells him . " It's not as fun , " Ayrie rolls her eyes at him and he seems to have taken that personally . He sits back to scratch the back of his neck . " You're a cereal , " she splashes Aizen . Aizen Pebbles , " " You're a cereal ," he splashes her back . " Crispy Ayrie , " They both burst into giggles . I look over at Knightly to see he's completely enthralled with them . He looks scared , as if he blinked for too long they might disappear . I've been there . Every time I slow down to look at them , a part of me has been scared that he'd show up and take them from me . I've convinced myself that I was doing the right thing , that he was some kind of monster . But I never took the chance to actually look . I don't know what's going on , but he's not what I thought he would be . It's still too early to cry wolf . " It's weird , huh ? " I break the silence . He glances at me but his eyes go back to them immediately . " They're so small ," he whispers . " The first time I took them a bath , I was so scared . They still had their little belly button things , " I feel my face heat up . " I was so stressed out , I wasn't able to breastfeed them for too long and it took me a bit to find the right formula . Keeping them clean was a struggle ," " How did you do this all alone ? " he looks up at me frightened . " I didn't really have a choice and it wasn't all bad . They're extra cute when they're super tiny , " I laugh . " All I wanted to do was hold them . All day and all night . It was so hard to 23 put them down . And they smell so good . " However , I am so happy that they can tell me when something hurts now and when they don't like something . That's hard to figure out when they don't stop crying and you ' re just a selfish twenty four year old way in over your head , " 7 Likes 17 17