Chapter 42 "Tell me something you've never told anyone else," I whisper as the sun shines through his open window, my words muffled because of the way I lie against Ryker's chest. It's cloudy and breezier this morning than it normally is, but I barely notice because of how peaceful it's been, spending the morning tucked against Ryker's side. Ryker smiles, his fingers absentmindedly playing with my hair as he thinks about my question. I'm still sore from having sex with him last night. Or maybe it was the sex in the shower earlier. Either way, this slow morning has been the perfect way to recover after finally being together again. "I already told you the deepest thing I've never told anyone else...that I don't like myself. What else do you want to know about me?" He keeps his tone light, but it still manages to slice through my heart. I hate that he feels this way about himself. I think about all the insults and jabs I've thrown his way this summer and I can't help but blame myself and wonder if part of the reason he doesn't like himself is because of the things I said to him in anger and denial. "Tell me a TV show you like that you'd never admit to watching or a snack you love that other people might not like." I run my hand over his chest, wanting any excuse to touch him. It still doesn't feel real that he's here, that at least for now...he's mine. "My favorite late-night snack is Flamin' Hot Cheetos. But it has to be the baked kind. I even love them with cottage cheese." I push myself off his chest so I can look at him, scrunching my nose. "Really? That combination can't be good." He smiles and there's something about it that goes right to my heart. It's sleepy and sexy and a little lopsided. It might be my favorite smile of his. "Don't knock it until you try it." "I'm not trying it. I can tell you that right now." He shakes his head and pretends that what I've said actually hurts him. "Fine, be a hater if you want to be. Your loss. Your turn now. Tell me something you've never told anyone else." I think over his question. I should've been more prepared to answer it since I'm the one who asked in the first place. The truth is, there's a lot I've never told anyone. It's not like I have many people in my life I can share secrets with. I always liked it that way. Now, I realize my lack of friendships and relationships might be sad. "I lost my mom too. When I was a young, barely a teenager. I think she was the only person who ever loved me. Sometimes, I'm terrified I'm unlovable. And the only love I'll ever know was that of a mother's...and even that was taken from me." I don't know why I say this out loud to Ryker, but it feels right. It's something that's been on my mind more and more this summer, and for some reason, it's something I want him to know, no matter how vulnerable that truth might be. "Cami." He sounds shocked but I'm not sure why. My words are true. It's not like I'm a lovable person. Or maybe the surprise comes from finding out about Mom. I don't think I've ever told him about her. It didn't feel right to pile my grief on top of his. I shake my head. I don't really need him to say anything. All I wanted was to be able to tell him that. I pull my gaze from his, needing to look away from the intensity in his eyes. He places his finger under my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. He clears his throat, his eyes pinned on mine. His focus is so intent on me that it feels like I'm the only person in the world. "You're not unlovable," he rasps, his voice thick and heavy. I try not to shiver from the sound of it...or from the actual words that he says. It feels like my heart could beat right out of my chest as I whisper my next words. "Do you mean that?" The question leaves my lips before I can think better of it. I don't know if I want to know his answer. I know everything between us is new, and we're nowhere close to declarations of love, but I can't help but want to know that at least he doesn't believe me to be unlovable. Maybe if he believes it, I will too. His thumb traces over my bottom lip. "Of course I do. I've never meant anything more." I smile, leaning in to kiss him. I don't know how long we kiss, but I love that nothing feels hurried. We kiss like we have all the time in the world, and I can't help but hope that's the case. Eventually, I pull away and rest my chin against his chest. "I'm hungry so I'm going to go grab us some breakfast. What do you want?" Ryker smiles before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I can go get us food." I shake my head. "No, I'll get it. Just tell me what you want." "Whatever you want." He smiles and it's just one of those moments where I realize that I'm going to think about this man for the rest of my life. I'm going to remember the way he looked in bed, completely naked with hair tousled from my fingers, and a smile that reaches into my chest and grabs me by the heart. I lean in and give him one more kiss against the lips before I slide out of bed. Before I leave his room, I reach into his dresser and grab one of his T-shirts to wear. It's an old Pembroke one that goes almost to my knees when I pull it on. I like wearing something of his. Smelling like him. It feels right. "Be right back," I tell Ryker, opening his door and stepping outside. I walk down the hallway, unable to wipe the smile off my face. I don't think I've ever been this happy. I knew Ryker and I had chemistry, but being with him now feels different than the night we first met. It feels like more, and while it's scary and something completely new to me, it's something I don't want to run from. I want to keep exploring what's happening between us. I'm still smiling as I walk into the kitchen, and I'm met with the last sight I expected to see. My feet abruptly stop and my stomach drops. Sitting at the counter are two familiar faces. Ryker's dad. And mine. "Camille," Dad gets out, his voice void of any emotion. He stares at me down his nose, disappointment written all over his face as he takes in what I'm wearing. "Care to explain why you've been ignoring my calls?" I let out the smallest breath of relief. If he's only lecturing me on the missed calls, that means he doesn't know what's happened between me and Ryker. I don't know why both our fathers are here unannounced, but that's something I can figure out and handle. I just can't have them know how unprofessional things have become here. "Sorry," I mutter, not knowing what else to say. I'm still too wrapped up in Ryker to think of anything else. "Sorry?" Dad laughs before shaking his head. "Sorry isn't an explanation." S~ᴇaʀᴄh the Find_Nøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality. "I was sick," I begin, telling a half-truth. I was really sick. It just didn't last three days. Dad watches me for a moment, his eyes narrowed slightly as I can pretty much see the gears in his head turning. Does he believe me? Maybe. Is he still pissed? Absolutely. I keep quiet, knowing that's the best thing to do right now. I have no idea why the two of them are standing here, and I really want to ask, but I'm also trying to figure out how I play it off so they don't suspect anything is going on between Ryker and me. My heart pounds as I try to come up with a way to spin this. It's my job to spin things, to tell half-truths and polish up lies. I can do it this time too. I just have to think. "Wait, baby!" Ryker calls from down the hallway, his voice closer than his room. I close my eyes, a pit settling deep in my stomach at what's about to happen. I can't even open them when I hear Ryker's footsteps get closer. Dread spreads throughout my entire body because this wasn't supposed to happen. Things are about to take a turn for the worse, and I have no one to blame but myself. I was careless. I knew better. What was I thinking?