Was he hurting too ? She understood . His whole life , he'd be shackled to her - she was a burden he could never shake off . How could that not hurt ? The woman he truly loved was right there , so close , yet because of her , he couldn't claim that love openly . How could that not be painful ? His conscience and the urge to break free must have been tearing him apart, over and over . How could that not hurt ? So , Theodore , why not let me go ? Emma returned home alone . On the table in front of her sat ten watch boxes , lined up in a neat , mocking row . She stared at the boxes for a long time , lost in thought . For a moment , she wanted nothing more than to hurl every single one at the wall , to watch them shatter . But she didn't . Giving in to impulse would solve nothing . Once her emotions had finally settled , she pulled out her phone and opened a secondhand luxury goods app . It didn't take long to find a reputable buyer in the city - she arranged for them to come by the next morning at ten . Ten o'clock , right when Fallon , the housekeeper , would be out grocery shopping . With that taken care of , she opened her laptop and threw herself into researching visa applications . Ms. Brown's group was heading out in just a month . The countdown to her departure had truly begun . Sitting at her desk , Emma lost herself in a sea of open tabs and forum threads . Her heart surged with anticipation and anxiety ; the world had never felt so quiet , so charged with possibility . Before she knew it , the night had slipped away . She was so absorbed that she didn't even notice Theodore had come home . 1/3 11:49 Chapter 17 It wasn't until his voice came from the doorway- " What are you up to? "- that she snapped out of it , hastily shutting her laptop . Theodore was back , as calm and gentle as ever , as if nothing had happened . He walked over to her , his voice soft and easy . " Watching something ? What could possibly be so interesting you're still up at this hour ? " He was just making conversation for conversation's sake . Her hand pressed down hard on the laptop , covering the screen - she hadn't had time to close the web pages . " It's a show you wouldn't like . " " How would you know if I haven't seen it ? " He reached out , trying to lift the lid of her laptop . No. She couldn't let him see what she'd been searching . She held on tight , refusing to let go . He must have thought she was still angry , because he stopped trying and crouched down beside her , searching her face . " Still upset ? " " No. " Her feelings were a storm - disappointment , despair , anger - but curiously , not anger . Anger would mean she still cared , that he could talk her down , that she still held out hope for their marriage . But she didn't . Not anymore . Five years . It really was enough . " Emma , there's nothing going on between me and Cici . We're just old friends from college . She came back from overseas , and a group of us got together to welcome her home . What happened at the mall today was just a misunderstanding , nothing more . Please , believe me . " His patience and gentleness had returned , as if rehearsed . When she didn't respond , he added , " We were supposed to have dinner with your parents tonight , too , but that didn't happen . Should we reschedule for another day ? " She shook her head . She didn't want to go home for dinner . Her parents , her brother - the only thing they'd say was that , with her limp , marrying Theodore was a blessing she should never take for granted . " You don't want to ? We haven't visited your family in over a month . Don't you miss them ? " 2/3 11:49 Chapter 17 His voice grew softer and softer . She gazed into his eyes and saw nothing behind the gentleness . Gentleness - it was as if it were programmed into him , an automatic response . " Theodore ," she said quietly , " aren't you tired ? " He looked startled , as if he didn't understand . She gave a bitter smile . " You care for someone else , but you still force yourself to look after me every day . Aren't you exhausted ? " Chapter 18 Theodore's eyes flashed . " I haven't- "