Chapter Nineteen +25 BONUS -Elara's POV I couldn't shake the quilt that had planted itself in my chest since the night with the rogue . Damien had leapt in front of me , his wolf ripping into the beast without a moment's hesitation , and all I'd done was follow Julian out I'd convinced myself it was the right move - keeping Damien at a distance , not letting him believe I still cared . But I couldn't shake the image of his bloody matted fur , his gray eyes staring into mine as he struggled to save me . It dined on me , a silent pang that I couldn't repress no matter what I did - I'd spent that evening holed up in my room , pacing the frayed wooden floor , trying to understand what it all meant . The hostel was typically filled with chatter and laughter , but tonight , it was too quiet too still . Then , a muffled shout pierced the silence , and the sound of hurried footsteps echoed up the stairwell . My stomach twisted . Something was wrong I found a sweater dashed out of my room , my bare feet padding the cold floor , and went downstairs The scene that met me took my breath away " Move it as I saw Sabrina with Damian . Her head lay on his chest , her face pale and marred with blood , her shawl slipping down one shoulder . It struck me like a punch in the stomach . All the tentative warmth I'd begun to feel for him the flash of gratitude , the softening of old wounds evaporated in a snap I caught my breath , and I felt a familiar sting behind my eyes . Of course . Of course , it was Sabrina . I froze , gaping ; the memories of my former life rushing back . The smug look on Sabrina's face when she accused me of poisoning my child . She wrapped her arms over Damien while he betrayed me in the knottiest way . - The fact that she'd been so willing to stand by and let him condemn me to death . Seeing her here now , curled so comfortably in his arms , made me feel dumb dumb for thinking , for even a second , that maybe things would be different this time . That he might've changed . That we could've had some opportunity to ease the friction between us My chest constricted , and my jaw clenched to keep the tears from spilling over . He must have heard me standing there because his head lifted , grey eyes meeting mine across the dim room . For a fraction of a second , guilt passed before his eyes , just a little and unblinking , like he'd been caught in an act he shouldn't . It only made me angrier Why should he feel guilty ? He owed me nothing . I owed him nothing . We meant nothing to each other now or at least that's what I kept telling myself Take her in , " I said , my voices slicing through the crisp night air . It sounded gharper than I'd meant , shot through with bitterness I couldn't conceal . I didn't care . Let him hear it . Tell him that I was not fazed by this by them - a He didn't move right away . He stood frozen in place , staring at me , Sabrina still lifeless in his arms . The silence lingered , thick and sufling , until he finally said . " Elara , don't misunderstand . I only tried to help- " Before he could finish , I cut him off , the words tumbling out in a rush . " It's none of my business , Damien , " I don't know why you're even telling me this I sounded cold and dismissive , but my heart was racing inside . Why would he need to explain himself ? What did he think I was interested in anymore ? His face changed , some inscrutable emotion flitting over his features . " Oh , " he said gently , as if to himself . " Yes I am nothing to you " His voice was softer , coloured with a strange combination of resignation and hurt that I wasn't anticipating . Before I could assimilate this , he turned and walked away with Sabrina in his arms to her dorm room . I watched him walk away and into the door , his wide frame consumed by the shadows . Confusion gnawed at me . What did he mean by that ? Why did he sound so deflated ? Istrould've walked away then I should have retreate Waited for the ache in my chest to fade . But I didn't Instead , I drifted dangerously close , my feet operating on their own I to my room , locked the door , and buried myself under the covers . # 25 BONUS side of the building where I wasn't visible and peeked through a crack in the curtains of Sabrina's room slipped to the s I don't know why I did it curiosity , perhaps , or some perverse need to validate what I already knew . Whatever it was , I instantly regretted the urge to look . Damien kneeled beside her bed , his hands delicate as he tucked in the blanket around her . Sabrina's eyes suddenly opened , and she said something I couldn't catch . He swept a strand of hair from her face , his touch was so careful , so tender it turned my stomach . Jealously cut through me , followed by a wave of sadness so profound it almost stole the breath from my lungs . 1 hated that I felt this way . I hated the fact that after all that , after all the pain he'd put me through , there was still some part of me that hurt at the sight of him with her My hands balled into fists beside me , nails pressing into my palms as I watched I said to myself that it did not matter . It meant he could do anything he wanted with her . He'd done it before betrayed me most unforgivably with her so why should this be a surprise ? But the more time I spent just standing there , the less easy it was to convince myself that I didn't care . My heart was filled with frustration and despair , and I hated myself for it Then it happened . Damien sat up , getting ready to rise , when Sabrina grabbed him , her fingers snaking around his forearm . She tugged him closer , angling her face toward his , and their lips were millimetres apart breath caught , the way the surprise widened his eyes . close enough to see the way her Tume stood still , and I only heard the beating of my pulse in my ears . They were going to kiss . There it was , right there in front of me , some cruel echo of the past I don't know why I did that . Maybe it was the jealousy bubbling up , or the anger I'd repressed for so many years finally escaping Perhaps it was the part of me that still couldn't leave him behind , no matter how desperately I tried . I could not help myself , whatever it was . My voice exploded from me , ragged and quaking , splintering the stillness of night . " What are you doing ? "