Chapter 11 I understood Arnolds implication . After that day , I never reached out to him again . Then it was March 29th , my birthday . I called him and said in an utterly calm voice , Im so tired , Arnold . He keenly noticed the despair buried beneath my calm facade . Where are you , Mona ? If I could go back in time , Id wish that our paths had never crossed . With this , I stepped on the gas . I guessed my prayer worked . I was indeed given a chance to choose again . This time , I totally forgot about Shaun . I forgot how we kissed passionately next to a wall of roses , how he walked for so long while carrying me on his back , and how he gently called me Moon . I forgot about his indifference and harm . He became the unwanted film footage , vanishing from my life for good . Honestly . I didnt know how I felt . It was a mixture of emptiness and vague pain . Chapter 11 . Overcome with a feeling of loss , I broke free from Arnolds embrace . He was even more uneasy . You blame me , right , Mona ? I deliberately pulled a long face to spook him . Η You bet I am . How could you keep something this important from me for three entire years ? He smiled bitterly . Im sorry . I know I shouldnt have . Ive loved you for years , and I never had a chance . I admit that when I knew about your amnesia , the selfish side of me got the upper hand . Im so greedy . I took advantage when you were the most vulnerable . He stumbled backward , leaning against the door . As he lowered his head , his long eyelashes threw shadows on his face , making him seem both lonely and dejected . Mona … He clenched his fists so hard that his knuckles were turning pale . Im so selfish . The white coat he was wearing somehow made him even more fragile . I surrendered right away . Chapter 1 Thats not what I meant . Dont be sad anymore , OK ? I hugged him , buried my face in the crook of his neck , and kissed his chin . I did this to cheer him up . But , somehow , things began to get out of hand . He picked me up easily and pressed me against the door , calling my name again and again . Part of his white coat was pulled down and hung loosely on his shoulder . His black short sleeved shirt and his arm with bulging blue veins were exposed in the air as he gripped my butt tightly . On the surface , he was an honorable doctor with a sacred duty . Deep down , he was a man with bare , pure lust . I blushed , and my legs gave way . Holding me in his arms , he walked to the couch as I wrapped my arms around his neck . Nothing could part us , not even the end of the world . It wasnt until I was beaten and on the verge of passing out that he finally stopped with satisfaction .