Chapter 29 It took me a week after my conversation with Casey to make a firm decision. Once I'd committed, though, I had to break the news to my daughter. On our way home from preschool, I announced, "Mommy has to go away for a little while, okay?" From the rearview mirror, I could see the look of concern on her sweet face. "Where are you going?" "California." "Why?" "I used to live there, and I have to go back for a visit. It's just for a week, and Grandma's gonna take good care of you while Daddy works." "Can I go with you?" That broke my heart. "No, sweetie. You have preschool, and Mommy has some things she needs to do by herself." "Are you coming back?" That question, along with the fear in her eyes, nearly made me cry. How could she think for one second that I would leave her? "Of course. I told you, I'm only going for a week." I didn't blame her one bit for being apprehensive. I was by her side every minute of every day except for when she was at school, and this would be my first time away from her. Mom guilt consumed me, even if I knew this trip was absolutely necessary. You'll be a better person for her someday if you live with no regrets. "When are you leaving?" she asked. "In two days." "Are you going in an airplane?" "Yes." "Is it scary?" "Not really." Nothing compared to my nerves about arriving at Dorian's door unannounced. "Can we go in an airplane together sometime? You, me, and Daddy?" You, me, and Daddy. Every word that came out of her mouth hurt me more than the last. "Maybe. I can talk to Daddy about it." "Can we fly to see Mickey Mouse?" "Maybe someday." We were headed to Lucy's house after school today for a playdate. I pulled into the driveway and gathered our things. When I got my daughter out of the car, I hugged her tightly and murmured, "I'm sorry." That afternoon, while Rosie was playing with Lucy's son, Sebastian, I told Lucy everything I'd been putting off. I had no idea how she was going to react. Once I unloaded it all, Lucy seemed shocked. "I don't even know what to say, Primrose. I usually have an opinion, but you've floored me here." "I know," I assured her. "You're not expected to have the perfect reaction or give me advice at this point. That would be unfair to expect. This situation is really difficult to unpack, and I'm just happy you listened to it all." "What are you gonna do with the wedding dress?" She chuckled. "I know that's the least of your problems, but for some reason it's the first question I have. Maybe I'm still in shock." "The store said they'd buy it back-for a fraction of what I paid." I rolled my eyes. "That's better than nothing. They have that rack of mistake dresses they sell for a discount." "You don't think there's any hope for you and Casey? It doesn't sound like he's giving up." "I don't think marriage is in the cards for us, no matter what happens." "Fair enough." She sighed and fell quiet for a bit. "What are you thinking?" I asked. She had to be judging me. How could she not? "I'm not sure you want to know." "I do. Please just tell me what you think." "Okay." She breathed. "Well, for starters... I feel bad for Casey." Relief washed over me. "You should feel bad for Casey," I agreed. "He's the hero of this story, and I'm the villain." "Don't say that. You can't help how you feel. The right answer is always to be true to yourself." She looked over at Rosie playing in the corner. "You'd give her the same advice if she were older and in your situation." "Pretty sure my mother gave me that advice, too." She tilted her head in confusion. "Your mother?" I told her about the rosebud at the gravesite. "Wow." She smiled. "See? That's amazing. You needed that." "I sure did. It was the sign I asked her for." "Okay..." She rubbed her palms together. "So what's the plan?" "Which plan?" I asked. "When you get to California." Nervous butterflies came alive in my belly. "I have no idea." "Are you calling him first?" "I don't think so." "Why not?" "Something is telling me to just wing it." I thought for a moment. "Because I'm afraid he'll discourage me now that he's involved with someone. But I think he needs to see me either way. We need to look each other in the eyes and figure this out once and for all." "Okay." She scratched her chin. "But that sounds risky to me." "I don't want him setting up a scene for me or trying to protect my feelings, you know? I want to see things as they are. Even if it hurts. No better way to do that than just show up. If what we had is still there, nothing should stand in the way. And if he's moved on, I need to know that, too. Need to see it for myself." "Well, I'll be crossing my fingers that you get the outcome you desire." "What is the desired outcome in this mess?" I countered. "A custody arrangement? A long-distance relationship? I don't even know what the future would look like. I just know I need to see Dorian and tell him I made a mistake." She smiled sadly. "I appreciate your support and the fact that you're being so understanding, given how I sprung everything on you today." "A true friend is not going to judge you for how you feel," she said. "All the way through the wedding planning, I've sensed that something wasn't right. Now it finally makes sense. The fact that you'd been thinking of him right before he showed up proves you two have some kind of soul connection. It was almost like you could sense him." I nodded and looked over at the kids playing. Was I delusional to think Dorian would meet me with open arms? He had a girlfriend now. I looked at the time and stood. "I'd better get going. I have to start getting ready." "Where does Casey's mother think you're going?" "She thinks I'm going out there to meet up with old college friends. Sort of like a mental-health break. Casey hasn't told her the truth, and neither have I. But as long as I'm being up front with Casey, I won't worry so much about holding things back from anyone else." "Totally. And hey, it's not a complete lie. You were in college when you met Dorian. So he could be considered a college friend." "Nice try." I chuckled. *** A couple of days later, the moment I'd been dreading finally arrived. I was dropping Rosie off at preschool, knowing I wouldn't be here to get her this afternoon. "Grandma will pick you up after school, okay?" "You're gonna be on the plane?" "I'll be headed to the airport at that time to get ready to board the plane. But remember, I'll be back in seven days, okay?" When Rosie started to cry, my eyes filled with tears. I held her tightly. "I love you so much, baby. Please don't be sad." "I don't want you to go." "I know. But I'll call you every day. I promise." Mother of the Year. She sniffled. "Okay." "Be a good girl for Grandma and Daddy. I promise to bring you back something, okay?" "A toy?" "Maybe. Is that what you want?" A smile spread across her face as she nodded. "Then I'll find you a cool toy that has something to do with California." I wanted the toy to be the last thing she remembered, so she'd be left with a happy thought. I gave her a quick kiss before waving her off, praying I wasn't making a mistake. In a romance-themed observation show, several participants undergo a series of interactions and conflicts filled with love, misunderstandings, and power struggles. In the end, one couple rises to over...