Chapter 30 The flight to California was bumpy-probably foreshadowing the week that lay ahead of me. The plane had been delayed, getting me here in the evening instead of the afternoon. Not telling Dorian I was coming had seemed like a good idea until I landed. Now my nerves had really started to kick in. The airport was crowded, but somehow I felt alone, lost in the world at the moment. In some ways, I didn't recognize the person I was anymore. It felt like I was on the outside, watching myself and wanting to warn the woman to be careful. The only thing keeping me from booking another flight and running straight back to Ohio was the memory of Dorian's eyes as he'd told me he loved me the last time we were together. After I got into the car waiting for me and confirmed my destination with the driver, he looked at me in the rearview mirror and asked, "What do you have going on in Orion Coast?" "Oh, you know..." I took a breath. "Just a little getaway." If only it were that simple. "That's a pretty fancy area. Where are you staying?" I stupidly hadn't booked a hotel, figuring I'd sort all of that out after seeing Dorian's reaction. Maybe Benjamin would be kind enough to let me stay in the guest house if Dorian didn't feel comfortable with me sleeping at the mansion. I cleared my throat. "With a friend." I couldn't get my legs to stop bouncing. The only other time I could remember being this nervous was the other night when I'd told the best man I'd ever known that I wasn't going to marry him. As the car drove along the Pacific Coast Highway, I tried to calm myself, gazing out the window at the gorgeous California landscape-dangerous cliffs that reminded me of this very situation. Please be easy on me, California. When the driver finally pulled up at the mansion, my heart pounded in my ears. "Fancy place," he noted. "Yes. It's nice, isn't it?" I said, gazing up at the house. He got out and retrieved my suitcase from the trunk. "Well, have a good visit." "Thank you," I said. "I appreciate you getting me here safely." As the car drove away, I took a deep breath. The mansion looked exactly the same from the outside. But something told me the inside might be unrecognizable. I couldn't tell you how long I stood outside before I finally garnered the courage to approach the front entrance. Time stood still as I pondered whether to knock. Then I heard it: music coming from the pool area. Rather than wait at the door, I walked around to the bushes that surrounded the patio. While you couldn't access it, you could see what was going on if you looked through a certain spot. The music was indeed coming from here. I recognized the song as an old one: Frank Sinatra's "The Summer Wind." Remington had loved Sinatra. I finally garnered the courage to peek through. Dorian and a woman who looked like the person from the photos on Candace's Instagram were slow dancing. The beautiful glow from the lights of the pool cast a rainbow over them. My insides twisted as I stood there, taking it all in. Every doubt I'd ever felt bombarded me at warp speed. I should've turned around immediately, but instead I quietly observed the living aftermath of my decisions. I could see the man I loved falling in love with someone else before my eyes in real time. This moment set to music was a nightmare come true. Was it fair to disrupt his life when I'd sent him away? Just because I had reservations about marrying Casey, just because I still loved Dorian-did that give me the right to interrupt what might have been the only stability he'd had in years? I felt like a fool for ever thinking I could insert myself back into his life. When Dorian turned, his hand at the small of her back, I could see his eyes were closed. He looked at peace as they swayed. You can't do this. You have to leave. I turned and walked back toward the driveway. Suddenly a light flashed on. Security light. Oh no! Picking up my pace, I ran right into someone as I fled the house. "I'm sorry. I was just-" "Primrose?" I looked up at his face. His old, familiar face. My voice trembled. "Benjamin..." "What are you-" Panicked, I whispered, "I can't let him see me." "Come into the guest house." I followed him, and he ushered me inside. After the door closed behind us, I took a deep breath. Benjamin's phone chimed. "Hang on," he said. "Dorian's texting me." Fuck. "What does it say?" I asked frantically. "He said he noticed the light go on outside. But I'm typing back that I checked it out and it was probably a false alarm caused by an animal." My chest rose and fell. "He won't come here?" "He rarely does. You're safe." Benjamin waited for a moment. "All good. He bought it." I sat down on his couch, my back sinking into the pillows, and closed my eyes. "I just need to calm down for a moment, okay?" "Take your time. Can I get you anything? A glass of water?" "That would be great." Benjamin went to the kitchen and poured me some water before joining me on the couch. After taking a long gulp, I said, "I nearly had a heart attack when those lights came on." He nodded and let me decompress in silence for a minute. Then he said, "I think now is a fair time for me to ask what's going on and why you'd be here if you didn't want to be seen." I finished the last of my water. "I made a horrible mistake in thinking I could come here, Benjamin. I suspected Dorian had moved on, but I didn't realize how bad it would be." "I need you to back up a bit, okay?" "Sorry." I shook my head. "I'm getting ahead of myself." "Take your time, Primrose. I'm not going anywhere." "Thank you." I rubbed my palms on my pants. "I called off my wedding to Casey." He took a breath in. "I see." "Marrying him wasn't what I wanted in my heart of hearts. It took me a while to reach that conclusion, but it was inevitable. I'd felt that way even before Dorian came to town. I was still in love with him and never got over the heartbreak. It affected my ability to fully give myself to Casey, despite what a wonderful man he is." "You're leaving Casey altogether?" I nodded. "He's determined to save our relationship somehow. But he knows about Dorian." "He knows you're here?" "He told me to come here and sort out my feelings. He broke up with me to give me that freedom. I'm here for a week." "You came here to get Dorian back, then..." I shook my head. "I don't know what I expected, Benjamin. I needed to see Dorian while I had nothing holding me back and to apologize for not being brave enough to accept my feelings for what they were when he was in Ohio." "What made you run like that from the main house tonight? Second thoughts?" Looking down, I played with some lint on the sofa. "I saw him with her." "Ah." He closed his eyes. "I feared it was something like that." "They're serious?" My stomach tensed. After a brief hesitation, Benjamin nodded. "It's new, but things seem to be moving fast. I believe she's helping him get over you. I also believe he's happier than he was before he met her. But if you were gonna come here, I think you might've arrived just in the nick of time." Beads of sweat formed on my forehead. "What if I'm too late?" "I can't answer that for you, sweetheart." I chewed on my lip. "Maybe I should go home." "Don't you think he deserves to know you're here? You came all this way." "I think maybe what he really deserves is peace. My being here will only disrupt that." "I think Dorian finding out that you came here and left without seeing him would provide him anything but peace." "Well, he doesn't need to know." "Primrose..." Benjamin frowned and quite frankly looked a little sorry for me. "I wanted to believe that love conquers all, but haven't I done enough, Benjamin? And who's to say he doesn't love her now? This is my fault for not being true to my feelings when he gave me the opportunity to choose him again. I was a coward." "None of this is your fault," Benjamin assured me. "It's no one's fault. It's just the way things happened. Not to mention, you had a very good reason for not jumping back into Dorian's arms." "Does she live with him now?" I asked. "She's not officially moved in." I stared off. "They were slow dancing," I said softly. "It looked so romantic." "I'm sorry you had to see that. But you need to remember, he thinks he lost you. Anything he's doing is based on that." Benjamin refilled my water before returning to his spot on the sofa. "How about this?" he said. "You relax tonight. You're very worked up, which is completely understandable. I'll make us something to eat. Then you try to get some sleep. Tomorrow, when you have a fresh mind, we'll decide what your next step should be. But I don't think it's wise to leave just yet. You've made plans to be here for a week. You should take advantage of what I'm sure is a much-needed break, if nothing else." I took a moment to think. I'd prepared my daughter for my absence. Coming home now would only confuse her. This time away was a rare gift, and I did need to take advantage of it, even if just to clear my head in private. "You're right," I said. "I don't think I can go back without at least letting him know I came here. I'd regret it forever." He nodded. "So now we have a plan. You'll sort your head out tonight and face him tomorrow." Adrenaline pumped through me. "What if she's still here?" "I'll figure something out, even if I have to ask to speak with him privately to get him over here alone." "That makes sense." I inhaled a calming breath and let it go. "Thank you so much for your help." "Liv is a nice girl, Primrose. But make no mistake, I'm on your side. I will always be rooting for you." I felt tears behind my eyes. "The fact that you're here with me right now is a blessing." "Very well, then." He stood. "Now that you're properly hydrated, what else can I get you to drink?" "Something strong." I chuckled. "I've got just the thing. Coming right up." He bustled in the kitchen and brought me over a shot glass of what smelled like tequila. I downed it. Benjamin laughed. "How about another?" "No." I held out my palms. "This should do it. I just needed something to help me relax a bit." "I've ordered us some takeout-the fried chicken you used to like from the restaurant on the boardwalk." My stomach growled. "Thank you so much. I haven't eaten since this morning." He brought over a glass of wine for himself and kicked his feet up. "How's that beautiful little girl of yours?" "She's truly wonderful. This is the first time I've left her." "I think it's good for kids to learn how to adapt to different situations. It will be helpful for her in the long term to experience time away from you." "Thank you for trying to make me feel better, Benjamin." He smiled. "You and I have a long history. We've been through some difficult circumstances together. Just as I look at Dorian like a son, I care for you like I would my own daughter." This time, when I felt the urge to cry, I let go and my tears spilled over. "As someone who has no living parents, that means a lot." He smiled and stood. "While we're waiting for the food to arrive, I'm going to go set up the guest room for you." "Thank you again, Benjamin." Alone in the living room, I thought about how different this moment felt from what I'd imagined it could be. Instead of running into Dorian's open arms, I'd seen another woman in his arms instead. Instead of sleeping next to him in the mansion, I'd be tossing and turning all night in the guest house as I pondered whether staying was a colossal mistake. *** The following morning, Benjamin offered to go out and get coffee for me. He didn't stock any here at the guest house since he only drank tea. Given the headache I was currently experiencing, I wasn't going to argue with him. No way could I handle facing Dorian today without my morning caffeine. So Benjamin left, and I used the opportunity to call home and check on my daughter. Casey's mother answered. "Hi, Primrose. You have someone here very anxious to talk to you." "Thanks, Karen. Put her on." "It's Mommy," I could hear her tell Rosie. Then came her little voice, "Hi, Mommy." "Hi, baby. How are you?" "Good." "Good! I'm so happy to hear that." "When are you coming home?" "Seven days. You know that. I marked it on your calendar." "I know." "What are you doing today?" "Grandma is taking me to the park." "Very nice. I'm happy you're getting out. Please be good and don't go too far from her, okay?" "Okay." "I love you, Rosie." "Love you, Mommy." "Can you give the phone back to Grandma?" After a few seconds, Karen came on the line. "Hey..." "Thanks for taking her out today." "Well, the weather is going to be decent." "Great." "Are you having a good trip so far?" "Yes," I lied. "Very nice. Okay. I won't keep you." Before she could hang up, I said, "Karen?" "Yes?" "How's Casey?" I gulped. "You haven't spoken to him?" "No. Not since I arrived." "I haven't seen him. He left for work before we got up." "Okay." I paused. "I'll call him later." I couldn't imagine what was going on in Casey's mind right now. I'd just hung up the phone when the door opened. I rose to my feet to greet Benjamin, but then I almost immediately fell back on the couch. Because it wasn't Benjamin standing there. It was Dorian. In a romance-themed observation show, several participants undergo a series of interactions and conflicts filled with love, misunderstandings, and power struggles. In the end, one couple rises to over...