Chapter 28 I hurt with how much I need you. Those words have been burned into my brain all evening. All through Mexican food and a large margarita I had to take the edge off it. Newsflash: It didn't work. I hurt with how much I need you. I'm starting to feel it's the same for me with him. "You seemed like you had fun today," Vander whispers as we shut the door to Hazel's bedroom. We got home late. Like an hour ago. Hazel was so wiped, she passed out in the car. Vander carried her inside and helped me change her into her pajamas and tuck her into bed. I'm a little drunk from the one margarita I drank-yes, I'm a total lightweight-and a lot overwhelmed. I'm finding it harder and harder to remember all the reasons why Vander isn't the guy. Why he's someone I need to run from, not toward. "I did. Dinner was great. Thank you again." He gives me a sideways grin as he takes my hand and leads me back downstairs. My room is right there. Right across the hall from Hazel's, and I should go in there and go to bed, but I'm not. I'm allowing Vander to guide me wherever he wants. I'm saying yes. Even if it's just for tonight. "I think it's safe to say I'd buy you and Hazel dinner every night if you'd let me." "Complicated." "It is. I guess. I don't know. I'm kind of over that." "Meaning?" I raise my eyebrows at him as we continue past the second floor back down to the first. "Meaning my world feels different when you're in it. It feels different when I'm around you. I like it better. It's the life I'd like to have." Fuck. Holy freaking fucking hell. "Vander-" "Do you not?" "I do," I admit. "That's what scares me. You're a walking red flag, and I'm the girl who doesn't want to be vulnerable to a man ever again. Especially one who's already broken my heart." It's not even that simple. It's far more complicated than that. Because truth be told, I think I'm the red flag. It's not the single mother piece. It's the psycho father who will kill if necessary thing. Life was oddly easier and less complicated when I was dancing in a club, working as a CAN, and getting through school than it is living here and working with Vander. Probably because he does things like this. The moment my feet reach the bottom step, he picks me up bride-style and carries me into his library. "What are we doing?" "I thought you might like another drink in here." I laugh, but the sound cuts off fast. "You're serious?" "Get undressed but do it slowly. I want to watch as I light a fire and pour some wine for us." "I'm not sure I should have more alcohol." "You're here with me, Liora. It's too late to be afraid of what alcohol will do to your inhibitions." He's kind of right. I'm not going to say no. Not to anything he wants to do because I already know it's what I'll want too. I've been taking every piece I can get while simultaneously trying to talk myself out of falling for him again. It's back to that duel, and I think my heart is starting to lose ground on the battle. It's going to get broken again. I know it. I feel it coming. But this is just too good not to indulge in. "My stripping days are hopefully done." "I'm the only man you'll ever strip for again." "Christ, this is going to hurt when it ends," I murmur under my breath. "What was that?" I shake my head, and Vander lets it go as he goes over to the hearth and loads it with wood and a starter log. I think that's my cue to get undressed, and I do. Slowly, the way he asked. I take off my sweater and boots-now that I'm no longer a sexy tiger-kicking both aside. The sofa is one of those soft, brown leather ones. Like you'd see in an old English library or something. It's cold yet cozy. The fire lights with a roar, and he spins in his crouch, watching me as I peel off my undershirt and jeans, leaving me in only my bra and thong. Wordlessly, he rises and goes over to the bar in the corner. He doesn't go for the wine even though there's a small refrigerator in here. Instead he goes for brandy, and I smile at that even as I'm hit with a beautiful pang. With memories of a night that changed every color I'm comprised of. "Where'd you get that?" I ask, the same as I did that night, reaching behind my back to unhook my bra now that he's looking at me again. His lips twitch, clearly remembering. "My parents' liquor cabinet. It's the good stuff." "Won't they know it's missing?" "Nah. They hardly ever drink it." "I never got that. Why buy expensive booze if you're not going to drink it?" He smirks at me. "I think it's an old person thing." "Must be. I've never had it before. Is it strong?" "Don't worry, Angel. I'll take care of you." I forgot he'd said that to me that night, and a twisting of emotions knots through me. It was the night he told me he loved me for the first time. The night he took my virginity. We snuck out as we often did. His father owned a lot of buildings in town, but some of them were vacant. Our favorite was the old mattress warehouse on the outskirts of town. A few of the leftover mattresses were still in there, and we'd made our own little cozy paradise in there more than once. "Can I taste it?" He walks over to me holding two crystal tumblers, one in each hand. He sets them down on a nearby side table and cups my jaw. "You're so beautiful," he whispers, exactly as he did that night. "You take my breath away." He lifts a glass and takes a sip, and with the liquid still in his mouth, he bends to kiss me. My fingers graze his lightly stubbled cheek, and I take the alcohol he feeds me as he kisses me. My fingers rake up through the long, blond strands that tickle his forehead, and I brush them back as I swallow. "Mmm. It's good." I lick my lips and sit back on the couch, crossing my legs at the knee and staring into the fire. The alcohol is warm and strong and sweet as it burns its way down into my belly. "You like it?" I smile up at him. And this is the part where everything goes sideways. With my breath held in my lungs, I whisper, "I like you." Same as I did that night. And this is the part where... He drops to his knees in front of me and uncrosses my legs, splaying my thighs wide so he can crawl between them. "I more than like you." Don't do it. Don't say it. I won't survive it. Not twice. I shake my head, begging, pleading. There was a time when I wanted Vander's love to be my dying breath. Now I wonder if love is something I'll ever be allowed to have again. "It's true, though." He says it as a whisper. A secret. I swallow, and it's as heavy as lead. "Will you make me remember and forget all at once?" He reaches behind his head to take off his shirt then leans forward until we're skin to skin. The glass tips back and he takes another sip of alcohol so he can kiss me with it. I swallow it down, drinking him in. "Baby, tonight you're not just going to see stars. You're going to memorize constellations." I grab the back of his head and kiss him a little harder than I intend but not caring enough to stop or slow down. Roughly, his hand grips my jaw, and he pushes me back. "I want to play a bit. Do you think you can handle it?" My answer is automatic. "Yes." Because that's what I want. I want to be so lost in him that I belong to no one else. Because tomorrow when I wake up, it'll be Sunday and that's fine. I'll take Hazel to a puppet show, and maybe if I'm really feeling ambitious, to paint pottery. But Monday we're back at work, and life starts all over. Once again I'll be the broke single mom with a deadly secret, mooching off her rich boss, and I can't handle it. Not yet anyway. I want tonight. Selfish or not, I want it. I want the memories, new and old. I just want him. He starts kissing me again, soft and sweet and a little teasing. Far from intense as his hands find the thin material at my hips and slide it down my legs. My breath catches, and not from the cool leather against my hot skin. "Open for me," he breathes into me and pulls back to hold my panties to my mouth. My heart picks up with anticipation and nerves. Slowly, I open for him, and I know what it is. I'm giving myself over to him. Relinquishing my control but not my power. He slips my wet panties into my mouth, and immediately, I taste myself. It makes me wetter, and with my panties gone and my thighs spread, he sees it. "Good, little angel," he murmurs, staring down at me before glancing back up at my eyes as he slips two fingers straight inside of me. I shift and squirm a little, already breathless. "You're going to think I'm crazy and obsessed." I smirk and moan as he starts pumping in and out of me. "No more than I already do." "What?" He smiles and pulls the panties from my mouth. "No more than I already do." The panties fall to my chest, a promise for later. "I put a few things in here this afternoon before we went out with this very scene in my head. It was wishful thinking, but now that I have you here..." He lets that trail off as he pulls his fingers from me and stands. "Stay exactly like that, or I'll punish you." Oh hell. "I can't decide what I'm supposed to do. Behave or misbehave." He grins. "You'll please me either way." He turns and walks across the room to a small wooden chest sitting on a bookshelf. He opens it, and I watch with an equal mixture of apprehension and awe as he pulls items that look like freaking sex toys out of it. Is he kidding with this? He put sex toys in here with this scene in his head? What on earth do I do about that? "Vander?" He glances down at the toys in his hand, and I study him as the flames from the fire dance across his chest, tattooed arms, and the side of his face. "Stone and I went to a sex shop a couple of years ago. I bought some things I wanted to use one day. Things I was curious about. I never found someone I wanted to use them on." He laughs and lifts his chin. "Then again, you're the first woman I've brought to my house." "You went sexy toy shopping with Stone?" He shrugs. "You should see what he bought." He cocks an eyebrow. "No thanks." And with him looking at me, I wiggle on the couch. Because the idea of sex toys and a punishment while he calls me his little angel has me more turned on than I've ever been in my life. A wicked grin curls up his lips, and he kneels in front of me again and sets the toys on the sofa, but just out of my sightline unless I turn my head. Only I can't do that because I can't look away from him. His hands come up and over my head, and with it, a black blindfold is placed across my eyes. I gasp, and my panties are put back in my mouth. "You can't see, and you can't speak. So I'm not going to bind your wrists because I want you to be able to stop me if you need to." Something cold and wet is poured down the valley of my breasts that instantly recognize as brandy by the smell. "Ah!" "Don't move." sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ ƒindNoᴠᴇl.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality. I squirm, and he slaps my pussy. "I said don't move." The liquid slides down the center of me and pools in my belly button. More is added, and it meets with the small pool before it overflows and continues south. It tickles and shocks but is one of the most erotic things to ever happen to me all at once. Just as the brandy meets my pussy, my clit, he drinks it, licking and sucking and slurping it up along with me. "Delicious. Here. Taste." He sucks, deep and hard on my pussy, and a moment later, his mouth is back on mine, filled with brandy that I drink down, which is no easy feat given the panties wadded in my mouth. Some of it drips down my chin and jaw, and he uses his tongue to clean me. "Good, isn't it?" I nod. "You're being such a good little angel for me. But now I want to test you." He runs his finger up and down my slit. "Oh god," I garble and rock into him just as a buzzing starts, vibrating into the leather. He runs a possessive hand up and down my body, touching every curve and swell I'm comprised of. "Pussy or ass?" Holy crap. "Pussy?" He rubs whatever vibrating thing that is against my clit and opening, making me squirm and writhe. "Or ass?" He dips the toy inside my pussy, getting it wet before he brings it further south and presses against the tight ring of muscle. I jolt at the feel of it. "Hmm. Look at that. I think both."