Chapter 5 Kent watched the council workers leave, the woman turning to watch them go. His grip on the desk was so tight he was surprised that it didn't crack in his hands. It took every ounce of his willpower not to go to her, to sweep her up in his arms. She smelled amazing, like vanilla and cloves. Pax, his wolf, was going crazy in his mind, howling over their mate. As the door closed, Kent finally released the desk, willing himself to stay in one spot. She turned, her long brown hair swaying around her. Her eyes were a light hazel. She was small and almost dainty, which he found odd for the supposedly best advisor from the council. She looked at him for a moment before closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. Kent frowned. What was going on in her head, he wondered. She didn't seem pleased about finding her mate, anymore than he was about this. Her forehead was creased, the corners of her mouth ticking down in a frown. Her cheeks were reddened and he suddenly felt a wave of sympathy for. Goddess knows she wasn't planning on this anymore than he was. He turned, opening the small cabinet behind his desk. Inside were several bottles of liquor. Kent wasn't a big drinker anymore, but he still liked to have some on hand for visitors. Now certainly seemed like a good moment for a drink. He poured two tumblers before turning around. She was still standing in the same spot, two steps inside the door, watching him warily. "Bourbon?" He did his best to temper his voice, chiding himself for yelling when she first walked in. She stared at him for a moment in surprise before nodding and slowly approaching the desk. She gingerly took the glass from him before sinking in the armchair closest to his desk. He pulled open his desk drawer, feeling a slight jolt at the sight of Lily's picture. It was always there, but for some reason, a wave of guilt washed over him as he looked at it this time. He grabbed the bottle and slammed the drawer shut harder than he meant, causing his mate to jump in her seat. "Sorry," he said quietly. He held up the bottle. "Aspirin? If your wolf is anything like mine, your head is going to split open any second." She laughed softly and it sounded like music to his ears. "Goddess, yes." She took the bottle from him and dumped two pills into her hand before passing it back to him. He also took two pills and swallowed them with a swig of bourbon, enjoying the burn as it slid down his throat. He studied her for a moment as she ran her fingers around the rim of her glass, chewing on her bottom lip. "You don't want a mate," she said after a moment of silence, looking up at him. He sighed, leaning back in his chair. He took another drink before responding. "It's not that. It's just..." He looked away, staring at the door as though Lily might walk through it again. How many times had he done that? Hoping it had all been a nightmare? That she might come back? "I had a mate once," he said finally. If this news surprised her, she didn't show it. For a moment a dark look passed over her face. "Me too," she whispered. He sat up straight, his eyes widening. "We are each other's second chances?" This is a blessing, Pax cried in his mind. The Moon Goddess has blessed us double. If the Goddess wanted to bless us, she wouldn't have taken Lily to start with, Kent snapped back. That was not the Goddess's doing, Pax repeated for what might have been the millionth time since Lily's death. Second chances are a rare blessing. The Goddess has deemed us worthy. When he focused away from Pax to his new mate, he saw the haze in her eyes that said she was also having a conversation with her wolf. He waited a moment until her gaze focused back on him. "Is your wolf arguing with you too?" He couldn't help but smirk at the thought. "Yes," she sighed. "She seems to think this is a blessing." "Right," he scoffed, "like they just forget how difficult it was the first time." "Exactly." She took a big swig of her drink and shook her head. "You can reject me though. I survived one rejection. I'll survive another. I'm sure you understand." Kent was pretty sure he forgot to breathe for a moment. Reject her? He swallowed as he tried to process his thoughts. Who would reject her? She was clearly beautiful and was a well known warrior for the Council. He would think anyone would be lucky to have such a strong mate. Did she think he had rejected Lily? How ludicrous? Lily had been the biggest blessing in his life. "I didn't reject my mate," he managed to say after a moment. "She died." His new mate froze, her eyes widening. "W-when?" she stammered. Kent swallowed, staring down at his glass for a moment. "A little over four years ago." He swirled the drink in his glass before forcing himself to look up at her. "It's not that I don't want a second chance, it's just that losing her was so hard. I loved her." He stopped, blinking quickly before continuing. "She was the best thing that ever happened to me and losing her nearly destroyed me. I don't think I can go through that again. I've resigned myself to being alone. It's better that way for me." He fisted his hands to hide the tremor that ran through them. She chewed her lip for a moment as she considered him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I had no idea." He hesitated a moment before asking the question tumbling around in his head. "What happened with your previous mate?" She took another drink and then looked up. "He rejected me. He was older than me. He had a chosen mate. They had a family." He felt his chest tighten and a sense of unease. "Is there more to that story?" "No," she said forcefully but he knew it was a lie. Mates could tell when the other was lying, but he didn't even need that ability to know she was lying. "I like being alone," she continued in that same forceful tone. "I enjoy my life and I have the career I always wanted. I have no desire to be someone's mate and sit at home popping out pups." It was like a punch to the gut. She didn't want a mate. She didn't want him. He finished his drink and stared at the empty glass for a moment. That was fine. He was used to being alone. "So you want to reject this bond?" He looked back up at her as Pax howled in his head. "I..." She stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. Her eyes clouded for a moment before she focused on him. "What do you want?" That threw him off. He had been sure of her answer a moment ago. What did he want? For a moment he could see Lily's black hair, dancing in the wind, laughing at some long forgotten joke. That's what he wanted. He didn't want to go through caring and loving someone else just for them to die, like every important person in his life seemed to do. He didn't want to be haunted by memories of people who had left this world forever. But he knew that wasn't what she meant. She meant this bond. Her smell filled his senses as he looked at her. Fated mates were a gift from the Moon Goddess. Rejecting a mate was akin to rejecting the Goddess herself. Many who lost or rejected a mate died. Second chance mates were almost unheard of. Those who received a second chance were considered truly blessed and deemed worthy by the Goddess. Kent had never heard of anyone rejecting a second chance. "I don't know," he finally answered. "I'm not sure I'm ready for a new mate but I also don't want to reject a gift from the Goddess. Losing my first mate was hard enough. If you are meant to be my second chance, I don't think I should just throw that away." She took a drink of her bourbon and stared across the room. He bit his bottom lip as he waited for her to look back at him. "What do you want?" he asked once she met his gaze. She frowned at him and looked back down at the glass in her hands. "I don't know." She looked back up at him. "I'm not sure I want a mate. It's not you." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I just don't think I can go through having a mate again." "What happened?" He genuinely wanted to know. She shook her head. "I already told you." "You told me a watered down version," he corrected, leaning down slightly to catch her gaze. "It..." She chewed her lip for a moment. "I don't like talking about it. I was very young and foolish and I thought the mate bond was a fairytale. Turns out... it's not." He felt a surge of pain through the bond and he knew it was hers. Whatever happened with her last mate had clearly hurt her a lot. "I'm sorry," he said after a moment of silence, not sure what else to say. "What do we do?" she whispered. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think clearly. He did not sign up for this mess when he asked for a new advisor. As if he didn't have enough to deal with the rogue issue, now he was expected to deal with the potential rejection of a new mate. He needed to focus on his main priority, which was protecting his pack. A strong alpha makes a strong pack. "Here's what I know for sure," he said, looking back up at her. "If we reject this bond right now, it will weaken both of us dramatically. My pack is being attacked on a regular basis. If I'm weak, then my pack is weak. If you are weak, then you can't help me or my pack. I'm not saying we need to accept this bond right now, but I don't think we should reject it right now either." She stared at him for a moment before heaving a sigh. "Well, shit." "You see my point?" He drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair. "Yes." She leaned forward to set the tumbler on his desk. "You have a good point and I know you're right, but I don't want to feel like I have to be in a bond that I don't want." "I would never try to make you a part of a bond you don't want," he said quickly, but it still felt like a punch to the gut. She clearly did not want a mate to the point where she wouldn't even entertain the idea. "Goddess," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "This damn wolf is going to make my head explode." He couldn't help but smile. "I know the feeling. What is your wolf's name?" "Rose. Yours?" "Pax." He leaned forward to take her empty glass and then stood to put both back on top of the cabinet. "We have another issue," he said as he turned back to her. "I did very abruptly kick four guys out of here. They're going to ask what is going on." She frowned. "I think they'll figure it out. You weren't very subtle about demanding they leave. I trust Leo and Wesley but I don't want anyone else with the Council to find out. I could lose my job if they find out I am mated to an alpha. If you trust your beta and gamma, I am ok with them knowing as long as they agree to not tell anyone else." He chewed his lip for a moment. "I trust them with my life. I have no issue telling them. I just think..." He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "You don't know them. They'll be pushy. They've been suggesting I take a chosen mate for about a year now. When they find out I've got a second chance mate, they won't let up." She shrugged. "I can handle that." Kent couldn't help but chuckle. "You have no idea what you're agreeing to."