Chapter 4 Chapter 4 : What's your game now ? Sometimes it feels like fate is just a mischievous kid , toying with the destinies of everyone down on Earth just for fun . Just when I thought Hayden and I would be happy forever , he disappeared . Just when I had slowly come to accept that he was gone , he came back . Just when I believed we could spend the rest of our lives together like before , he fell in love with someone else . And just when I thought I had a lifetime to slowly win him back , I found out I only have three months left . When I first got the news , my mind just went blank . Breast cancer . I asked the doctor , " Can't you just remove it ? Will I still be able to breastfeed a baby someday ? " The doctor's eyes filled with pity . " You could always try , " she said , her voice full of sympathy . Only later did I learn that I'd had it for a long time . The doctor said breast cancer is closely linked to emotional stress , and it belatedly dawned on me that it must have started around the time I learned Hayden had died . For those two years , I was like a stone - I couldn't feel warmth , hunger , or even pain . So , in the early stages , I had no idea I was sick at all . It wasn't until Hayden came back that I felt like I'd come back to life . My senses returned to the world , and with them , the pain . But by then , it was too late . In the end , I chose not to have the surgery . It wasn't about breastfeeding - in my current condition , even if I got pregnant , I wouldn't survive long enough to give birth , let alone nurse a child . I just don't want to spend my last days lying in a hospital bed . If I'm going to die anyway , I want this last stretch of time to be happy . And I want to see him happy , too . Honestly , even if he hadn't brought it up last night , I was going to . I'll be gone in three months . I don't want him to get his old memories back anymore . The pain of losing the one you love ... I've been through it once , and that's enough . I don't want him to ever have to feel that again . 1/4 Chapter 4 Things are fine now . He's healthy , handsome , and has someone he loves , just like before the accident . The only difference is that the person in his heart has changed . But what does that matter ? He gets to grow old with the person he loves . For him , the happiness and joy he was always meant to have are still exactly the same . Three days later , my custom wig was ready . I sat in front of the mirror , letting the stylist adjust it for me . She was right ; the style with the heavy , straight - cut bangs really wasn't for me . My face is small , and the illness had made it even thinner . With this thick fringe plopped on top , it looked less like a wig and more like a black helmet . The stylist kept a strained smile on her face , trying to flatter me . " You're so pretty , you can pull off any wig . " I smiled back . I knew the economy was tough and business was slow . The wig was custom - made to my measurements , so they'd be out a lot of money if I backed out now . I paid without a fuss and went home wearing a wig that didn't suit me at all . Mrs. Hughes was in the living room watching TV . She was the first to see my new look , her jaw dropping . " Aubrey , you changed your hair ? " I nodded with a smile . " Yeah . New hair , new me . " Just then , Mr. Hughes came out of his study , his reading glasses still on his face . He overheard us and offered some comfort . " It looks great . A change of pace is good . " Mrs. Hughes chimed in , nodding . " It is lovely . " They glanced at each other , a shared , unspoken recognition passing between them , but they didn't say a word about it in front of me . Of course , I knew . They both recognized it - it was Isabelle Pearson's hairstyle . I spent the afternoon in my bedroom , flipping through old photos of Hayden and me , one by one . On the beach , under the blazing sun , I was goofing off , sticking my tongue out at the camera without a care in the world . He watched me with a gentle smile , using his body to shield me from the scorching sunlight . On a mountaintop , I cupped my hands around my mouth , my voice echoing through the valley : " HAYDEN HUGHES IS A BIG DUMMY- " 2/4 Chapter 4 He copied me , shouting back at the valley : " YEP , AND I'M THAT BIG DUMMY- " We ended up collapsing into a fit of laughter . In the desert , I'd changed into a bohemian festival dress . The wind billowed the sheer fabric around me , making me look like a butterfly about to take flight . After snapping the picture , Hayden immediately wrapped me up tightly in his jacket , his brow furrowed . " Did girls in old nomadic tribes really wear stuff this revealing ? And their boyfriends were okay with it ? " I laughed at how silly he was , telling him they didn't have " boyfriends " back then . He pushed me down onto the sand and kissed me , and we both ended up with a mouthful of sand , spitting for ages trying to get it all out .. At dusk , Mrs. Webb came to call me down for dinner . I gathered all the photos , put them away , and locked them in the drawer in the farthest corner of the room . He'd told me he never wanted to see those photos again . When I got downstairs , I was surprised to see Hayden was there . But his face was dark , and he was clearly in a foul mood . He looked up and saw me , his eyes scanning my new hairstyle before he let out a sudden , mocking laugh . " Is this your latest trick ? " He meant I'd deliberately copied Isabelle's hair to make his parents pity me , so they'd call him back home . Basically , that I was playing the victim . Mrs. Hughes jumped in . " Mrs. Webb made your old favorite tonight , steamed sea bass . I'm the one who called you home for dinner . It has nothing to do with Aubrey . " " Mom , I don't eat sea bass anymore . " " Why ? It used to be your ... " " Isabelle and I raised a small trout once , but it died . We couldn't save it . After that , Isabelle and I decided we'd never eat trout or sea bass again . " Oh , right . Isabelle's dad was a fisherman . That fish was a memory that belonged to them . Mr. Hughes's face soured . " It's just a fish . Sea bass is meant to be eaten ." Hayden shook his head . " It's not the same . " * Clack , Mr. Hughes slammed his chopsticks down on the table . " What's not the same ? Mrs. Webb watched 3/4 Chapter 4 you grow up . She went out of her way to pick this fish today . The family is finally sitting down for a meal together . You'll eat it whether you like it or not . " Mrs. Webb tried to mediate . " Hayden , you've barely been home since you came back . Your father and mother miss you terribly , and Aubrey ... Just have a little with them . Just a few bites is fine . " Hayden shot back , " You know exactly who - and what - is keeping me away from this house , Mom , Dad . " Mr. Hughes's anger hadn't faded . " Aubrey is your wife ! For the three years you were gone , she took care of us F1 " Dad ! You've said this a hundred times . I know , and I'm grateful to her . But that's not a reason for you to force me to give up Isabelle and be with her . " Mrs. Hughes tried to soften the mood , her voice gentle . " Hayden , it was truly hard on Aubrey , taking care of us ... " " Mrs. Webb has been taking care of you for over thirty years , " he retorted coldly . " Should I marry her , too ? " Mrs. Hughes froze , her eyes welling up . She lowered her head and wiped away tears . Mr. Hughes let out a series of heavy sighs and closed his eyes in pain . Mrs. Webb looked heartbroken . " Hayden , how could you say something like that ... ? " The atmosphere in the living room dropped to freezing . Standing on the wooden staircase , I put on a bright , wide smile . " Mrs. Webb , what did you make today ? It smells amazing ." Hearing my voice , Mrs. Webb quickly put on a smile and waved me over . " I made steamed sea bass ! And Hayden just got home . Come on , Aubrey , come sit . The whole family can have a nice meal together . " " Mrs. Webb , " I said , " let's take the sea bass away . " Mrs. Webb blinked . " Huh ? " I walked down the stairs and sat in my usual spot . " I've been feeling a little under the weather the last couple of days , and the fishy smell is a bit much for me . I'm so sorry , Mrs. Webb . I hate that you went to all that trouble for nothing . " Mrs. Webb looked to Mr. and Mrs. Hughes . Mrs. Hughes gave a sad , resigned nod , giving her approval . To my right , Hayden seemed surprised by my behavior . He watched me , his eyes searching . That look seemed to say : * What's your game now ? *