Chapter 7 Chapter 7 : I Want Them to Be Happy Forever I jumped , quickly turning my back to him and pretending to browse the bookshelf . Footsteps approached , and Hayden walked right toward me . My heart leaped into my throat . * Did he recognize me ? * We'd known each other for twenty - eight years and been in love for five . We knew each other inside and out . Back when he had basketball games , he could spot me in the stadium stands in a second . In a crowded tourist spot , he could pick me out of a sea of people just from my back . But he'd forgotten me . He'd even forgotten the sight of my back . Hayden didn't even notice reading , and then he o He hurried past , heading back to the table where he and Isabelle had been Isabelle rushed over . " Hayden , what are you looking for ? " " I feel like I left something . " " No , you got everything . " " No , I definitely forgot something . " " There's nothing on the table . If it's not valuable , just forget it . We can buy a new one if you need it . " " It's important , " Hayden insisted . " Something very important . I have to find it." " But you can't even remember what it is . Even if we asked security to check the cameras , we wouldn't know what to look for ... " Hayden stood in front of the table for a long time , frowning in thought . Just then , a mother and her son walked by . The little boy , maybe four or five , was running ahead with a picture book while his mom chased after him , holding a pink Peppa Pig thermos . " Honey , don't run ! Have a drink of water ... " Hayden's hand subconsciously drifted to his right shoulder . God , the moment I saw him do that , I practically fled in terror . I was still running when I got out of the library and didn't stop until I was far away . 1/5 Chapter 7 If this had happened before my diagnosis , I probably would have cried with joy . He was remembering . Even just a flicker of muscle memory would have been enough to make me weep with excitement . But now , I was terrified . I was scared he'd actually remember the pink thermos he used to carry on his right shoulder , and I was even more scared he'd suddenly remember me . After I got home , I sorted through everything that belonged to us , filling three large boxes . To keep Mr. and Mrs. Then , I took the remaining boxes straight to the funeral home . The funeral home staffer looked troubled when he heard my request . " I'm sorry , miss , it's not that I don't want to help , but ... we cremate bodies here . These are objects . It's against regulations . " I said , " But don't you help people cremate personal belongings along with the deceased ? " " Yes , we can do that . " Then please , help me . " The staffer scratched his head . " So you want to burn these things for someone who's passed away , right ? " " That's right . " " And who is the deceased ? " " Me . " The man stared at me in utter disbelief . I explained , " Sometime soon , I'll probably be cremated here , too . These are my things . I want to send them over first , so I can pick them up when I get to the other side . " The staffer muttered , " The way you say it makes it sound like we're a shipping service ... " Chapter 7 But in the end , he helped me . He asked , " How do you plan to take the ashes with you ? " Usually , after a cremation , you have to buy an urn . I said , " I'm not taking them . " He was even more stunned . " Then we'll have to dispose of them as waste . " " Mm , do whatever you want with them . " I paid and left . The staffer rubbed the back of his neck and went back to his work area , probably thinking he'd just met a total psycho . Honestly , my first plan was to just find a place to burn it all myself . Before , I was afraid he wouldn't remember . But ever since I saw that flash of muscle memory in the library- him reaching for the thermos - I've become more and more afraid that he * will * . I was turning all the memories of our years together to ash . With no clues left , the chances of him remembering would be much smaller . But we'd known each other for so long , more than twenty years . There were just too many things tied to our memories . I could never have burned them all on my own , which is why I thought of the funeral home . My time was running out , so I had to start now , erasing every last trace of myself from his life , piece by piece . It was dark by the time I got home . Standing in the room I'd lived in for over twenty years , I felt like I was in a place I didn't recognize . The bookshelf was empty , the desktop was bare , and the cabinets were cleared out . Aside from some clothes in the closet , the entire room was practically empty . Almost everything I owned was connected to him in some way . Now that those things were burned , my heart felt just as empty . The next day , I went to the hospital for my scheduled chemo session . Chemo is a real bully . I was so sick I could barely see straight , and I felt completely drained . A nurse had to help me to a chair to rest . The guy who went in after me was big and brawny , and he came out looking totally fine . He even gave me a nod . " Hey , you're here too ! " 3/5 Chapter I smiled and nodded back . " I'm about to get turned into a loot box , " he joked . " What do they call that in those games ? " I thought about the game Isabelle and Hayden played . I wasn't very good at it , but I'd picked up one term : " Wiped on drop . " Right, right , wiped on drop , " the guy said with a sigh . " You know , I'm a little bummed I won't get to see this country finally come together . " " It will someday . " The guy rubbed his bald head and laughed . " My little rascal is only six months old , can't even talk yet . But I told my wife , when the country finally does unite , she has to come to my grave and tell me . " He was smiling , but his eyes grew red around the rims when he talked about his wife and son . When he looked up again , his voice was choked with emotion , and his smile was forced . " How long you got left , kid ? " I said , " They told me three months , but I don't want to do chemo anymore . It makes your hair fall out , and I won't look good . But if I Stop , it'll probably be even shorter . " The guy said , " Don't worry , I'll probably go first anyway . What's your name ? I'll come meet you on the other side . " " Don't worry about it . You should hurry up and get reincarnated . Maybe you'll get to see the country.unite with your own eyes next time around . " " Haha , good point . " Then he added , " Kid , if there's anything you still want to eat , go eat it . Anyplace you want to go , go . Don't leave any regrets , so you can go in peace . " " Yeah . " " I already found a good man for my wife , " the guy said , a stubborn smile on his face . " He's better - looking than me , knows how to treat a woman better , and makes more money too . " I asked him , " Does your wife know . " " I didn't tell her , " he said with a grin , showing a set of white teeth . " I went to a matchmaking service myself . Told them she was my sister and that her husband was dying , and asked the matchmaker to find her some solid , reliable guys . I looked through a bunch and thought this one was the best . He's a good , down - to - earth guy . He'll definitely treat her right . " I laughed . The guy asked , " What's so funny ? " I was laughing because I thought I was the only big idiot in the world . Turns out , when people are dying , they Chapter 7 all do the same damn thing . " My wife went through a lot with me . With him , her life will be a little easier , " he said , lowering his head and roughly wiping the tears from his face . " And my little rascal ... he's so young , just six months . He doesn't even know his own dad yet . He'll grow up thinking the new guy is his real father . The most important thing is that they can be a happy family and live a good life . " Listening to him made my own heart ache . The guy forced another grin . " What about you ? Got a husband ? Kids ? " I shook my head. " Parents ? " " They're gone . " " Then you've got it better than me . No one to tie you down , " he muttered . " A widow and an orphan ... I just can't rest easy ... " " But I have someone I love very , very much , " I said . " I can't rest easy about him , either . " " So what are you gonna do ? " A bright smile spread across my face . " He has a good girl by his side now . I want them to be happy forever . " 5/5