Chapter 9 Anger still coiled in Colt's gut, trying to consume him. Heating the air he breathed. Making him want to simultaneously hit something and yell. His father was here, in Amber Ridge, after over twenty-six years away. Why? Memories of the worst moments of his life flashed in his head. Of his father's violence when he'd been high on whatever drug he was taking. Toward him. Toward his mother. But also the danger his father had put them in when he pissed off the wrong people. When he took money that wasn't his. He tightened his fingers around the wheel and drove faster. Jesse and Indie had wanted answers. He hadn't been able to give them any. Not right then. He'd barely been able to talk. Instead, he'd watched his father walk away while using every scrap of self-restraint he had to not go after him. Then apologized to Indie before leaving her with Jesse. His father was the one secret he'd kept from Indie. She knew the basics-that he'd left when Colt was eight. That he hadn't kept in touch. She didn't know why he'd left. That his mother had changed the locks. Cut him off from any family money. Hired Ben. Why he hadn't told her, he wasn't sure. Maybe because after his father left, he and his mother never spoke about the man, not even to each other. Or maybe a part of him was ashamed of the scum he'd come from. He pulled up in front of his mother's house to see a van with Secure Safe Systems printed on the side. His eyes narrowed at the men installing new locks on the front door. And suddenly his anger shifted from his father to his mother. She knew. She'd known for days that his father was in town, and she hadn't said anything. He climbed out of the Audi and stormed inside. He checked the kitchen and living room. Upstairs, he checked his mother's bedroom. Nothing. Where was she? Then he looked out the window. She was trimming her hydrangeas. He shouldn't be surprised. The garden was where she retreated when things got hard. It was where both of them had spent almost the entire first eight years of his life while his parents were still married and Gordon lived with them. His mother turned her head when he stepped outside. "Colt, you're home." That was it? She wasn't going to mention the new locks on the doors or the new security system being installed? Or hell, the fact that she'd seen his father, a man who'd tormented them both for years? She turned back to her hydrangeas. "Shouldn't you be at the park? I'm sure there's so much work to do there." "What are the security guys doing out front?" He wanted her to tell him herself. "Oh, just upgrading a few things. It was time." Frustration squeezed his insides. Then he saw it...his mother's pistol. She'd clearly tried to hide it behind a potted plant, but he saw the grip poking out. "You weren't planning to tell me, were you?" "Tell you what?" His jaw clenched as he tried to holster his anger. "That you saw him." He didn't need to say the name. She knew. She paused, the muscles in her back visibly tensing before she slowly straightened and turned. "How did you know?" "Well, first Indie saw him, and she told me that you spotted him in the grocery store." His mother's brows flickered. "Indie doesn't even know what your father looks like." "You're right. But I do. So I knew exactly who I was looking at when he walked out of The Tea House this morning." Her mother's chest rose, fear and panic swirling in her gray eyes. "You saw him?" "I did. And I wanted to kill him, Mom. I wanted to murder him right then and there." She paled. "You didn't-" "No. But I could have. You should have told me." She swallowed. "I didn't want to alarm you." "Alarm me? You don't think it was pretty damn alarming to run into him while I was walking with my wife to get coffee?" His mother's mouth opened and closed. "It's not a big deal. He's returned a couple of times over the years, and I always call Ben to shadow me and scare him away." Colt gaped at her. "He's come back before?" "Yes. But like I said, Ben makes him leave." "Goddammit, Mom. This is information I need to have!" "Why? You were working a dangerous job, and you're my son. Your only responsibility is to make sure you come home to me alive. Why would I make you worry about this too?" "Because he's my father and he used to hurt us, so I should be here to protect you." "No." She stood and stepped forward, a new hardness on her face. "That's my job. You're my son, and my entire job is to protect you." "That's not-" "Don't tell me it's not true." She closed the rest of the space between them. "You are my child. And I let you see far too much, far too young. I will never forgive myself for the time those men broke into our house, looking for your father, and the danger it put you in. Not to mention your father's drug-induced rages. The guilt lives with me every day. I will spend my life protecting you. Yes, my idea of protection might differ from yours, but I won't stop. I can't." Tears shone in his mother's eyes, making him drop his forehead into his hand before scrubbing his face. He didn't agree. But this argument was getting him nowhere. "I don't want you going out alone," he said, when he lifted his head. "I won't. Ben will be with me." "Good. Is he staying here?" "No. He knows you're here, so he's at a hotel. But he gets here early each morning. He just left for a little bit, otherwise you would have caught him on your way in." It didn't make him feel better. None of this did. His mother swallowed. "How was Indie?" Colt frowned. She wanted to talk about Indie after all that? "She's fine. She said you told her I'd been dating." "Oh...was I not supposed to mention Audrey? I'm sorry." "I didn't date Audrey." "You didn't?" "No. I helped her move. And you know that." "Oh. Okay. I'm sorry. I must have misinterpreted things." His mother tilted her head. "How about we have her over for a meal this weekend so I can apologize in person?" "Mom, I don't think-" "It's a good time? Of course it is. I'm not letting your father dictate my life. Trust me, he'll disappear soon, just like he always does. We can't put our lives on hold. So...lunch or dinner soon?" "I'll ask Indie." "Good." She patted his arm and went back to her garden as if nothing had happened. But Colt could barely see through the rage. His father was back. And while his mother might not think it was a big deal, to him it felt like the floor had been ripped from beneath his feet and he was falling, with no way of getting back up. Indie leaned her hip against the kitchen counter, her gaze flicking to her phone. It was late. She should be in bed. But all she could think about was Colt. The anger in his eyes when he'd grabbed his father. The way he'd watched his dad leave, like he was prepared to kill the man if he came back. It had been a huge ordeal, and since then, nothing. She hadn't heard from him. She nibbled her bottom lip. Should she text him? Call? All Colt had ever shared about his father was that he'd left when Colt was eight. He'd made it sound like no big deal. Like the man had left no imprint on his life. But after today, she didn't believe that at all. She lifted her phone and opened a text to Colt. She wrote something, then deleted it. Then she wrote something again. She deleted it a second time. Crap. She scrunched her eyes. Why was it so hard to message him? Because they were separated? Because they'd barely spoken in the last year? The ringing of her phone shot her eyes open. But it wasn't Colt's name on the screen. Noah. She answered the call. "Hey." "Hey, Indie. Jesse told me about the altercation outside The Tea House this morning. Are you okay?" "I'm fine. But I can't get it out of my head. Has Colt ever mentioned his father to you?" Her heart picked up speed, scared that Noah would say yes. Scared of the possibility that Colt had shared more with her brother than he had with her. "No. All I know is he left when Colt was young." So, it wasn't just her. "Have you spoken to him today?" "He was at the park, but he had his headphones on and was hammering the shit out of the overgrown branches along the trails. I left him alone." She nodded, even though her brother couldn't see her. "Indie...if you see that man again, I want you to walk in the other direction. Don't interact with him. Especially if you're alone. Okay?" All the fine hairs on her arms stood up at the prospect of meeting Colt's father alone. Even if that interaction between him and Colt hadn't taken place, she would still know the guy was bad news. There was just something about him...a darkness. "I won't." She pulled at a thread on her T-shirt. "You know, I thought he looked familiar that first time I saw him. Now I realize...he looks like Colt. But he also doesn't." "If Colt doesn't like him, he must hate that." Yeah, she wouldn't be saying that to him anytime soon. "Do you want me to come over?" Noah asked gently. She smiled, warmth filling her belly. It was so nice to have her protective big brother home. Jesse and Becket were like that too. Hell, Jesse had already texted and called to check in, but it was different with Noah. "Thanks, but I'll be okay. How's the new place?" "Full of boxes and half-eaten takeout containers. But I'm getting there." "Well, if you need help, just call. I'm cheap labor with just the cost of a pizza." "Burt's pizza?" She scoffed. "God, no. We'll make the pizza." "I thought you were about to tell me his pizzas have gotten better since I've been gone." "The opposite. Worse. Much worse. Clara found three black hairs on her last pizza." "That's kind of gross." "Not kind of, it is gross. But Burt's like the big happy uncle you want at every party, so I still buy a pizza every so often." "Lucky bastard." She chuckled. "Seriously though, let me know if you want some company while you unpack." "Thanks, Indie. I will." She hung up, and before she could talk herself out of it, she typed out a text. Three simple words. Indie: Are you okay? She was about to set the phone down when dots popped up. Colt: Yeah, I'm all right. Are you? I'm sorry about this morning. Indie: I'm okay. Confused, but okay. What haven't you told me? Colt: A lot. Her pulse picked up, and she didn't know how to feel about that. She knew she didn't have the right to feel angry, when she hadn't shared everything either. She'd kept every passive-aggressive comment his mother had made over the years from him. She'd kept the hurt to herself. The anxiety at the prospect of seeing her. So how could she be angry that Colt had kept a part of his past hidden? Her phone suddenly rang. She picked it straight up. "Colt-" "He was a drug addict." She closed her eyes and let that information sink in. "I'm sorry." "He would drink and do drugs. And then he'd get mean. Hit my mom. Try to hit me." Pain gripped her heart. It squeezed so tightly that she almost grabbed her chest. "Try?" "My mom would get in front of me, to shield me. I fucking hate those memories." And Colt had seen it all. Sadness and grief and agony swirled inside her. It explained so much. Why Colt never saw the parts of his mother that she saw. Why he never heard the unkindness in her voice. He was forever trying to make up for his childhood. Because not protecting her from his father would have hurt Colt. And more than that, his mother had taken the brunt of his fathers cruelty to protect him. "It took Mom a long time to cut him off. Too long. She put the accounts in her name so he wouldn't have access to any money. She tried to get him help. Instead of accepting that help, he stole drugs and money from the wrong people." Her stomach dropped, because she knew what was coming next. "They broke in. I hid in the library. That's the day she finally kicked him out." Her heart broke for the child version of Colt. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered. "Because I was a coward. It hurts to talk about. To think about. And I hate admitting that his blood runs through my veins. So when I told you my father left, and you accepted it, I took the easy way out and left it at that." "Your past, even if it's painful, is a huge part of what makes you who you are, Colt. My past, with my parents' death and sister leaving, is painful too, but I shared that. You left out this big part of yourself." "I know." Regret weaved into his words. "I'm sorry." She pushed off the kitchen counter and moved to the living room window. "What are you going to do?" "I'm going to find him." "No." The response was instant, and a complete reflection of the panic that flared in her chest. "I need to make him leave town," Colt pushed. "You told him you wanted him gone today. If you have that conversation again, in private, without any witnesses..." She didn't finish her sentence, because she didn't need to. The anger she'd seen in Colt this morning was something she'd never witnessed before. That man had been capable of things that could get him into a lot of trouble. "Indie-" "I don't want you to find him, Colt." "What am I supposed to do then?" "Tell Jesse what you told me. Maybe he or his guys can scare him away. Maybe they can keep an eye on him and catch him doing something he shouldn't." "I can't-" "You can. For me. Please? Promise me you won't go searching for him." Silence. It hung over the line and felt thick and heavy. Her voice lowered. "Colt...please. I can't lose you." No, technically they weren't back together. But he was here. They could find their way back to each other. Colt sighed. "I'll do my best. But if he finds me-" "You call Jesse." Another pause. "You know I'd do anything for you, right?" "Is that you agreeing?" "Yeah, Cricket, that's me agreeing." The relief almost made her light-headed. "Thank you." "Now, can I ask you to do something for me?" Nerves fluttered in her belly. "Sure." "Have dinner at my mom's this weekend." She scrunched her nose. That was the last thing she wanted to do. In fact, she'd rather bathe in a pool of lava than have dinner with Sylvia Reed. A polite "no thank you" was on the tip of her tongue, when she stopped herself. Now that she knew what Sylvia had gone through with Colt's dad, she had new sympathy for the woman. It didn't excuse her behavior, but it explained some of it. "Can I think about it?" "Of course. No rush." "Thank you." "Keep your doors locked for me, okay?" "Always." She hung up, her skin still tingling from hearing his voice. Maybe dinner with Sylvia wouldn't be so bad. Or maybe she'd be her normal self, and Colt would see everything he'd missed for so many years.