Chapter 38 "Why do you look like someone just told you Santa isn't real?" I shove my phone into my back pocket and try to rearrange my face into something resembling normal. "Nothing. Just Kovan texting that he and Luka are spending the night at my place tonight." Waylen stops mid-stride on the Golden Gate Park path, his eyebrows climbing toward his hairline. "Shouldn't the prospect of alone time with your boyfriend make you do a little happy dance? Should it not fill you with joyful, girlish delight?" I punch his arm. "When have you ever seen me do a happy dance? Or do anything girlish at all?" "Fair point." He studies my face with those annoyingly perceptive blue eyes we both inherited from Dad. "Everything okay with you and Count Dracula?" I roll my eyes to hide the worry on my face. "Everything's fine." "Because you've been avoiding his house like it's contaminated with plague." "I've been working double shifts. Jeremy has me on punishment duty, remember? That's all it is. Everything between Kovan and me is fine." "So you and him are, what-madly in love and planning your wedding?" There's something in his tone that makes my stomach clench. "Sure. Madly in love. Obviously." He stops walking again. "You remember our promise, right? The one we made after Dad died? That we'd always be honest with each other?" My heart starts beating faster. "Waylen, if you have something to say⁠-" "I know about you and Kovan." I stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but he just points to the purple bruise decorating his left cheekbone. "Remember how I got this?" "You said it was during training." "It was. It also happened to coincide with a conversation I had with your 'boyfriend.'" He makes air quotes around the word "boyfriend," and that's all I need to know. "He told you?" "He did. Though I would have preferred hearing it from you first." He gestures toward a bench under one of the cypress trees. "Sit with me." "I don't want to sit." "V-" "Don't." I yank my arm away when he reaches for me. "I'm not twelve anymore, Waylen. Stop treating me like I am." "You're being defensive." "Because I know exactly what you're going to say." "No, you don't." I plant my hands on my hips. "T-R-O-U-B-L-E." A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "Okay, maybe you do." "I know what I'm doing." "He's dangerous, Vesper. Very bad news. I did some research on him and⁠-" "Did you stop to think that maybe I know more about him than Google does?" Angry heat surges to the surface of my face. "That maybe your baby sister isn't the empty-headed idiot everyone thinks she is?" Way rolls his eyes. "You're a pediatric surgeon. No one thinks you're empty-headed." "I'm also blonde and young and my father was Thomas Fairfax," I remind him. "Half the medical community thinks I got where I am because of nepotism, not because I earned it." His eyebrows shoot up. "And dating a crime boss is your way of proving that you're brilliant?" I start walking away from him. "If you're going to be a condescending ass, this conversation is over." "V, wait." He catches up in two long strides. "I'm not trying to piss you off. I'm trying to⁠-" "Protect me. I know. That's exactly what's pissing me off." I whirl around to face him. "Like I said, I don't need you to take care of me anymore, Waylen. I can handle myself." He rubs his temples like he's fighting a headache. "I don't need the details of your arrangement. Just promise me one thing." I cross my arms over my chest. "Depends what it is." "Promise me you won't fall in love with him." The words knock the breath out of my lungs. Love. What an insane thing to even suggest. For a moment, I can't speak around the sudden tightness in my throat. "I'm not- God, that's not what this is. We have a plan, Waylen. It's business." "Dad had a plan, too." His voice goes quiet. "And we both know how that worked out." I force myself to meet his eyes, to stay calm and steady. "I am not going to fall in love with Kovan Krayev." He smiles, but it's sad and knowing. "Okay then. Conversation over." He wraps his arm around my shoulders and we keep walking. But the entire time, I can't shake the feeling that I just lied to the one person I've never lied to before. Luka bursts through my apartment door like sunshine breaking through storm clouds. As beautiful a sight as it is, I still find myself craning to see the man who's going to walk through that door after him. When a Krayev man sticks his head around the corner, though, the sinking disappointment in my stomach is undeniable. Because it's the wrong Krayev man. "Hey, Pavel," I say as cheerfully as I can. "Where's Kovan?" Waylen beats me to the question, saving me from the embarrassment of asking it myself. "Work stuff." Pavel shrugs. "I'm supposed to drop off the rug rat and bounce." "Hey!" Luka protests. "I'm not a rat!" Pavel ruffles his hair. "See you tomorrow, kiddo. Actually go to bed when they tell you to, yeah?" Luka gives him the world's least convincing thumbs up. Pavel laughs and retreats back out of the door, leaving us alone. "Can we watch a movie tonight?" Luka looks up at me with puppy dog eyes. "Please?" I cup his cheeks in my hands. "How could I say no to that face?" After Waylen says his goodbyes, I'm setting up the movie when I notice Luka stealing glances at me every few seconds. "Everything okay, sweetheart?" I ask while I fiddle with the remote. He nods, but his whole body goes tense. As we settle onto the couch, he leans against me and reaches for my hand. I almost pull away automatically. Kovan's warnings play in my head like a broken record. Don't get involved. Don't parent him. Don't get attached. Now, Waylen's voice joins the chorus, warning me not to fall in love. I'm so paralyzed by all of it that I don't know how to act around this child anymore. "Vesper?" His voice is small and uncertain. "Yes, baby?" "Are you mad at me?" "Of course not!" I say, turning to face him. "What makes you think that?" His bottom lip trembles. "Because of what happened. Because my mom yelled at you." I slide off the couch and kneel in front of him. "I would never be angry at you for something your mother did. Not ever. I promise." He bites his lip. "But you haven't been around lately. I haven't seen you at all." Guilt crashes over me in waves. "I've been working double shifts, remember? It had nothing to do with you. I didn't even think you'd notice." "Of course I noticed. I really like spending time with you." Waves upon waves, relentless, never-ending, the guilt threatening to drown me. "I'm sorry, Luka. I never meant to make you feel like I was upset with you." "So you're not going away?" The question is a minefield. I know I should be careful, that I should think about Kovan's boundaries. But looking at this scared little boy, I can't bring myself to care. "Where would I even go?" "I don't know." He drops to a whisper. "Somewhere far. Somewhere I couldn't see you or talk to you anymore." His eyes fill with tears. I let him sit and hiccup for a few seconds. "You miss your dad a lot, don't you?" He glances at me nervously, then nods. "My mom hates when I talk about him." "I'm not like your mom." I take his hand and squeeze it. "I think talking about the people we've lost is healthy. You know, I lost my dad, too. A few years ago." His eyes widen. "Was it horrible?" "It was the worst thing I've ever lived through. There were days when I missed him so much, my whole body ached." "That happens to me, too." "Of course it does. It's completely normal." He swallows a sob. "Uncle Kovan says Dad isn't really dead, though. He says Dad's body is gone but his spirit is still out there, in the stars." My heart clenches. That explains Luka's obsession with astronomy. "That's a really beautiful way to think about it." "Do you think your dad is up there in the stars, too?" he presses. "I... It's hard for me to believe in things I can't see," I admit, unwilling to lie to him. "But sometimes, I wish it were true. That he's somewhere, watching over me." "I think he is." Luka grins through glassy eyes. "I think both our dads are. And I have proof." "Really? Tell me." He shrugs as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "They sent us each other." I don't know if I can speak without breaking down. So instead, I pull this fatherless angel into my arms and I hold him as tight as I possibly can. Partly to comfort him. Partly to hide my tears.