Chapter 50 Her breath hitches as we climb. A tiny, panicked sound in the dark. "What are you doing?" "If I tell you, it's not a very good distraction." I reach the top of the stairs and shoulder through into my bedroom. I set her down, though I don't let go of her. Not quite. Not yet. I have a fistful of her scrubs at the waist and it's taking every ounce of willpower I possess not to strip them off of her. But she does the work for me when she wrenches away. I'm holding on so tightly that her motion brings her pants sliding down her thighs into a tangle of maroon fabric around her ankles. She kicks free of the whole mess, panties included, and stumbles backward. "We can't start like this." An eyebrow arches. "Why the fuck not?" "Because we need... First, we need rules. Boundaries. This has to stay casual and practical. Practical most of all." "Practical," I echo. "Yes. We're both adults with needs. This doesn't have to be complicated. It can be simple." I push off from the door and walk toward her slowly. "What makes you think I want to keep it simple?" She takes another step back. "Because that's what this is. It has to be. We're not... We don't have feelings for each other. This is just physical." "Is it?" "Yes." But her answer comes out too fast to tell the whole story. "And I need you to know that I don't usually... I mean, I don't do this kind of thing." "What kind of thing?" "Casual sex. One-night stands." Her cheeks flush. "Do... do you?" I hide my grin. I know exactly what she wants to know, but the tremor, the hope warring with the hopelessness-it's all part of the foreplay in my eyes. It'll make it so much better when I give her everything she never knew she needed. "Do I what?" She stands defiantly. Bottomless, though, which undercuts her fire. I don't mind. The tease is foreplay. The fire is foreplay. The shadows clustered where her thighs meet are foreplay, too. It's all foreplay. It's all been foreplay from the very fucking beginning. "How many women have you been with?" she demands. "Does it matter?" "I'd like to know what I'm getting into." I stop walking, crossing my arms. "I don't keep count." "Ballpark it then." "Too many to remember." She flinches, and I see the hurt flash across her face before she covers it. "Good," she says. "That's perfect. So you understand this is just... meaningless." "Meaningless." "Right. No emotions. No complications." She lifts her chin. "Can you handle that?" I stare at her for a long moment. She's trying so hard to control this, to make it safe. To protect herself from getting hurt. I'm not going to let her. "Take off your shirt." "What?" "You heard me." Her hands flutter to the hem of her scrub top, but she doesn't move. "Maybe we should talk about this more first." "We're done talking." I take another step closer. "Take it off, or I'll do it for you." Her breathing quickens. "Kovan." "Five seconds." "This is supposed to be casual⁠-" "Four." "You can't just order me around⁠-" "Three." Her hands shake as she grabs the bottom of her shirt. "Two." She yanks it over her head and throws it at me. I catch it, letting my eyes roam over her body. She's wearing a plain white bra, nothing fancy, but it doesn't matter. She's perfect. "Kovan, wait⁠-" I cross the distance between us in two strides, backing her against the window. My hands settle on her hips, thumbs stroking over the points of her hips. "You want this to be meaningless?" I lean down, my mouth inches from her ear. "You want me to treat you like all the others?" "Yes." "Liar." I drag the tip of one finger through her wetness. She crumbles against me, sucking in a gasp, her hands scrabbling for my shoulders to keep her from falling over. "I can tell when you're lying to me, Vesper. Your voice gets higher. Your hands shake." I trace a finger along the edge of her bra. "Your nipples get hard." She closes her eyes. "Stop." "Stop what? Stop touching you?" I unhook her bra with one hand, letting it fall to the floor. "Stop making you feel good?" "This isn't what I wanted." "This is exactly what you wanted." I palm her breast, brushing my thumb over her nipple. "You just don't want to admit it." She arches into my touch. A soft moan escapes her lips. "That's it," I murmur. "Stop thinking so fucking much." My mouth finds her neck, and I bite down gently. She whimpers, her nails digging into my shoulders. I start to drag down her body because I think I might fucking explode if I don't taste her right now. But before I get far, she touches my face to stop me. "I don't... I need you to know that I don't really enjoy..." She trails off, embarrassed. "Enjoy what?" "Oral sex. I mean, it's fine, but I don't really... you know." I pull back to look at her. "You don't cum from it." Her face burns red. "It's not a big deal. Not everyone does." "Baby, you've just been with amateurs." Before she can respond, I drop to my knees in front of her. "Kovan, you don't have to⁠-" "Hook your leg over my shoulder." "What?" I grab her thigh and guide it over my shoulder, opening her up to me. "Hold on to something." "I really don't think⁠-" I press my mouth to her, and her words dissolve into a gasp. "Oh, God." I spread her open with my fingers. "Look at you. So fucking perfect." I pass my tongue through her folds, slow and deliberate, and she cries out. "Too much," she gasps. "It's too much." "We're just getting started." I work her with my mouth, my tongue, finding every spot that makes her shake. She's trying to hold back, trying to stay in control, but I won't let her. "Let go," I command against her skin. "Stop fighting it." "I can't... I don't... " I slide two fingers inside her while my mouth focuses on her clit, and she comes apart completely. "Kovan, please⁠-" Her words turn into incoherent sounds as I drive her higher. I can feel her getting close, her body tensing, her breathing ragged. "Come for me," I tell her. "Right now." She shatters, crying out as her orgasm crashes over her. I don't stop, working her through it until she's shaking and sobbing above me. When she finally goes limp, I catch her before she can fall, lifting her into my arms and carrying her to the bed. "Two minutes," I say when I glance at the clock on the nightstand. I settle her against the pillows. "And that was just my mouth." She stares up at me, dazed and breathing hard. "I don't understand." "Understand what?" "How you did that so fast." I lean over her, bracing my hands on either side of her head. "Because I know what I'm doing. And because your body was made for mine." "That's not... It can't- This is supposed to be casual." "There's nothing casual about the way you just came for me." I brush her hair back from her face. "And there's nothing casual about what I'm going to do to you next." Her eyes widen. "Next? You mean⁠-" "Vesper..." I let my voice drop, let her see the hunger in my eyes. "We're nowhere near done."