Car Confessions We sat quietly in James ' car as he pulled out of the parking lot at the funeral home . Somehow he had snagged a better parking spot than I had . I was just glad that I didn't have to walk far out in my heels . The heel wasn't very tall but my feet were killing me nonetheless . The music from his car stereo was blasting on some rock station and he turned it down quickly , apologizing as he pulled out onto the road . " It's okay , I don't mind . " " It's alright , it was too loud to begin with . Michael f * cks with my sh * t all of the time . " " Where is Michael , anyways ? I thought he came here with you . " " We both left to grab some lunch and he decided to go home afterwards . I came back because if I went home , my mom would probably be pissed . " " Damn . I'm sorry . You didn't have to come back . You could have driven around a little bit until school let out . " " Yeah , well I really came in the first place because I noticed Chloe was at school . I know you and her are practically attached at the hip , so I knew you probably didn't have anyone here . I mean , other than family , so I wanted to ... I don't know . Show up I guess . " I stared at the side profile of his face and felt my heart melt a little bit . He had come just to make me feel better . Even if we barely knew each other . " You didn't have to . I would have been okay . " " I know . But I was there that night and I just kind of felt like I had to see it through to the end . " " You don't have to . I'm not ... You don't owe me anything because of what happened before that . " I felt my cheeks burn at mentioning it , but he had to know that I wasn't going to hold him to anything just because he had s * x with me . I watched as the apples of his cheeks turned pink and felt satisfied knowing that he at least felt something about it too . " I don't feel like I owe you anything , I just ... I don't know . I guess ... how do I put this without sounding bad ? Um ... ་ ་ He rubbed his hand over his forehead and shrugged . " It was a way to see you again ? " He cringed a little and turned to see my reaction . The butterflies in my stomach erupted again and I smiled . " You could have just texted me . I've been looking for excuses to leave my house . It's infested with children five and under right now . " I shuddered dramatically and he laughed . " Well my place is always infested with Starrs . Everyone knows that there's a Starr in every grade level . " " Damn ... I can't imagine having that much people around all of the time . My parents had issues conceiving , so I'm an only child . They also had me a little later in life , so ... no siblings for me . " 1/6 Car Confessions +25 BONUS " It's not so bad . It was when I was younger , but now that I can leave if I get overwhelmed or can lock my door , it's better . " He shrugged and I realized we were close to my home . Being here with him felt like finding an abundant island after being lost at sea . I didn't want to leave him just yet . " Can we maybe ride around for a little bit ? I don't want to go home yet . If that's okay with you ? Or if you have plans , you can drop me off at the park ? " " No , no plans . We can ride around . " We stayed quiet for a little bit as he looped around . I sighed in relief as we passed my house . I knew I should check on my mom , but I just didn't want to be there . Ever since dad died , the house felt empty . I hadn't realized how much of a sunlight he was to our family . I glanced at James and watched his face . He wasn't the most handsome guy around , but there was something about him that made me want to be around him . He filled me with the sunlight I've been missing at home . And I didn't even reay know the guy . I wanted to get to know him , but I felt like we had sort of an awkwardness because of the s * x , so maybe if we talked about it , we could get past it . " Can we talk about the other night ? " He chewed on his lip for a second then nodded slowly , glancing at me . His electric blue eyes held mine for a second and I felt the damn butterflies again . " I didn't go to your house with the intention of sleeping with you or Michael . I just want to put that out there . " " Yeah , I didn't think so . It wasn't like I planned it either . I mean , obviously , I didn't think someone like you ever would have sex with someone like me . " I furrowed my eyebrows . " Someone like me ? What does that mean ? " " C'mon , Kelly . You know . You're popular and f * cking gorgeous . You're way out of my league . If I were to tell anyone what happened between us they would laugh in my face and tell me that I was dreaming . " I didn't like the assessment . Alicia was the ' it ' girl from school with her giant , fake breasts and platinum blonde hair . If anything I was just an underling , doing what I could to survive highschool and still be in Dexter's circle of friends . Did I want that now ? A twinge in my chest told me that I didn't and I wasn't sure if it had to do with Dexter himself or with what James just said . " We'll circle back to that because I feel like your assessment of me is wrong , but why wouldn't I have sex with you ? You you're funny and sweet and smart . " " You forgot dorky , dweeby and freakishly tall . " I gave him a look and he grinned , a blush apparent on his face again . " Well that too , but those seem like assets to me . It makes you more desirable . " He shook his head slowly and smiled , " Well , thank you . I'll make sure to put that on my resume . ' Kelly likes that I'm freakishly tall . " " I smiled and shrugged . " I'm sure that there are things on me that are lacking . Like I'm practically flat chested . And I'm so short that I could get a kid's discount at restaurants . And sometimes my feet stink . " He grinned and glanced at me again . " Well I find two of those things very appealing . You don't have to have a Car Confessions +25 BONUS giant chest to be f * cking gorgeous and a discount at a restaurant is a complete win . Now , stinky feet might be a deal breaker . " I giggled and sighed . This felt so good . I felt normal with him . And talking about all of this stuff made everything less awkward . I also couldn't help noting that he didn't mind my lack of chest . " Something I kind of wanted to talk about was ... " I swallowed because I wasn't sure what he would think about me being a virgin before . " My uh ... virginity . " His face turned serious and he glanced at me then nodded slowly . " Yeah , about that , I'm so sorry . I had assumed that you had already , you know , and I didn't mean to hurt you . " " Yeah , I didn't think to tell you because I didn't think that we would be having sex . I'm sorry if that was something that turned you off or if you didn't like it . " I felt nervous . It was stupid , because it had already happened , but I needed to know if he was upset about it . " No ! I was just surprised . If I had known , I probably wouldn't have had sex with you , no offense , but only because I would think that you'd want it to be more special than , you know , me . " I knew where he was coming from . I probably would have done the same thing . Except ... was he a virgin that night too ? Sh * t , I didn't even know . " It was special . I'm glad it was you , but ... what about you ? You've had sex before , right ? " His cheeks were pink and he nodded slowly . " Yeah , once before . " " Braces ? " He laughed and shook his head . " No , but it was a girl from that same camp . It was ... kind of weird , if you want me to be honest . Neither of us knew what we were doing , but we just wanted to get it over with , so yeah . " " I'm sorry if I sucked . I have never really done anything like that . " " That's why I was shocked . I figured you and Dexter ... Well you know . I didn't expect it . But you were great . No complaints from me . " I blushed and frowned . I hated that he assumed I had been with Dexter . Selfish bastard . " Dexter only took what I would let him . I - I don't think I ever wanted to lose my virginity to him , but I did think it would happen . He's just ... selfish . He never reciprocated , if you know what I mean . " " Well , from the way he talked about you , he made it seem like you weren't a virgin . " " Yeah well he's all talk . " I shrugged and felt my blood boil . I knew he was spreading rumors about me . It just pissed me off that even James would believe him . " Yeah , I see that now . Can I ask you a question ? " "Yes . " I glanced at him curiously . " Why me ? I mean , you could have stopped me , and I would have stopped , but you didn't . " Car Confessions +25 BONUS " I don't know . " I told him honestly . I bit my lip and looked down at his hand resting on the shifter of his car . I reached down and took it into my hand . His fingers were long and thin and his hand was warm . I held it in both of my hands on my lap and watched his face . " I think that I felt safe with you . I think that I still do and I like being around you . It's been hard , these last few days , but right now , with you I feel like I can breathe for once . " I cringed at how corny I sounded and shrugged my shoulders . He probably thought I was a nutcase for saying all of this sh * t . Or some clingy , desperate girl . God , that would be worse . " I feel the same way . I was kind of nervous about what you would think of me for showing up today . I didn't want you to think that I was some weirdo stalker , just because we had sex , you know ? " " Yeah . But I didn't . I was glad , am glad , to see you . As long as you don't think I'm being some weird , clingy , freak . " He chuckled and squeezed my hand in his . " Nope . Just the opposite . Are you hungry ? I'm starving . " He pulled into a burger drive thru and glanced at me . I dug through my clutch and pulled out my debit card and handed it to him . " Just fries . It's probably all I can stomach right now . And get whatever you want . I'm paying today since you paid for coffee the other night and you're wasting your gas on me . " " Fine . I'll take it only because I know you won't take no for an answer . " " Aw ... you're such a quick learner . " I leaned down and unclasped the straps of my heals and kicked them off . He ordered our food and then he drove us to the park near my house . My phone began buzzing every few minutes and I knew that it was either my uncle or Justin calling to see where I was . I turned my phone off and took my fries from the greasy brown bag . I unbuckled my seat belt and turned my body to face him , leaning against the passenger door and tucking a leg underneath me . " Dexter came over the next day after my dad died and saw the hickey you left . " James , mid - chew , raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders . " What did he say . " " He was mad . Asked me who gave it to me and got even madder because I was wearing your sweater . " " Why was he pissed ? Isn't he with Alicia ? " " He broke up with her , according to him , to be with me . " James scowled and he took a sip of his drink . I hadn't gotten one , so I took it from his hand before he put it back in the cup holder and took a drink after him . " And then what happened ? " " Chloe told him about my dad and he kind of backed off , but he's been blowing up my phone ever since , wanting to know who I've been seeing . " 4/6 Car Confessions +25 BONUS " Are you going to tell him ? " I studied his face . I wasn't sure if he wanted me to or not ? I couldn't tell . His face was impassive as he took a bite of his burger . " I don't want him to try to do anything to you if I do . " " You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to . I won't be offended . " I hated that he thought that I wouldn't own up to what I had done with him . Like I was ashamed of sleeping with him . " I told Chloe . I just don't want to tell Dexter because I'm worried about what he will try to do with you . " " I don't care , honestly . We're friends , right ? It's not like we have a relationship or anything . And it's not like you're in the right mind for one either . I can defend myself if you want to tell him anything , but like I said , I won't be offended if you don't . " I frowned . I knew we weren't in a relationship , but it kind of stung coming from him . He was right though . Even if I wanted a relationship , I wouldn't be in the right mind for one . Not with Dexter and not with him . " Have you told Michael ? " " No. He has a big mouth . ' I narrowed my eyes at him . From what I've heard , he wasn't afraid of giving Michael all of the gory details about his little escapades , so why wouldn't he tell him about me ? " Are you ashamed of sleeping with me ? I mean , I know that there are rumors about me being easy , but ... well you know . But is that why you haven't told him ? " " No ! " His eyes widened and he leaned forward and placed his hand on mine . " God no ! Not at all ! F * ck , Kelly , I've already to old you , no one would believe it because you're you ! But that's not why I haven't told Michael . " He swallowed and sighed . " Michael has a giant crush on you . He has for like , ever , and if I told him that I slept with you , he'd be pissed off at me . I am not ashamed at all . It's all I can f * cking think about . " I was flabbergasted . It wasn't what I was expecting . For some reason I felt turned on at his confession and blushed . What the f * ck was wrong with me ? I looked back up at him and he looked worried . " Does it make me a horrible person if I told you that I do too ? " I felt my eyes sting and I looked back down at my hands . Guilt ate at me but it was the honest truth . When I wasn't dealing with the funeral stuff , I was thinking of James and how everything felt and then I would start crying because I felt like I was a horrendous human being for thinking about sex when my dad had just died . " I thought the same thing about me . I didn't want to bring it up to you because I thought that it would be in bad taste, since your dad passed right after . " " I just feel guilty because I can't stop . I'm so mad at myself because I think I'm okay and then I see something on TV or hear someone say something and it reminds me of you and the sex and I feel like a piece of sh * t because I shouldn't be . I feel like some sort of pervert because you're all I can think about when I'm not doing 5/6 Car Confessions +25 BONUS funeral stuff . " He pressed his lips together to keep from smiling and shrugged . " I don't think you're a pervert . Either that or we're both perverts. But ... I don't think you should feel guilty . It would have happened whether we had sex or not , so I think it's okay . " I nodded slowly and smiled . I reached out and caressed his face . Touching him made my heart sing and I instantly felt better . I looked down at his lips and he seemed to have noticed . " But , I do think that we should just keep this , between us , as friends . I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of you being all emotional . " I sighed and nodded . I dropped my hand and gave him a small smile . " So , friends ? " I held my hand out for him to shake and he nodded and shook my hand , enveloping my whole hand in his . " Friends . "