Chapter 18 If I was a bird, I'd fly into a ceiling fan. -Creole's secret thoughts CREOLE I was expecting a beat-up trailer, not a sprawling double-wide with wraparound porches in the middle of nowhere, Texas. "Wow," I said. "This is beautiful." "Got it for a song," he said. "I bought it from a guy who thought that country living was what he wanted. But he realized he couldn't do the commute every day, so he sold it." "What commute?" I asked. "Honestly, I'm surprised you found this much land this close to the city." We were only about fifteen minutes outside of Plano, which was about ten minutes away from my dad's place. "What are you doing with all those row houses that you bought to build Laney's house?" I wondered. "Rental houses," he said. "There are a few prospects that don't give a shit about space and location, and I'm probably going to rent to them." "So you're going to live here?" I wondered, trailing my fingers over the rough cedar wood that made up part of his huge front porch. "I'd planned on it." He looked at me. "It's a little far from the airport, though." My heart melted. "I can commute...if you happened to want me to stay for a sleepover." His eyes warmed, and I knew that I'd said the right things. "I'd definitely like you to stay the night tonight," he murmured. "I stopped at the store and got Little Debbie powdered donuts." My eyes lit. "Did you get the good stuff to go with it?" "You mean, Borden chocolate milk?" He laughed, and the sound was so hearty it warmed me to my toes. "Obviously," I teased. "What is the point of eating those without the good hit of chocolate milk after?" I'd never met anyone with the knowledge of what pairs best with Borden chocolate milk until I met Audric. "I taught Damon everything I could about that delicacy," I teased. "He was a chocolate milk monster. He could always tell when it wasn't Borden." "Like his mama." He laughed. "You remember that one time Laney tried to pass off Nesquik as Borden? I thought I might die." "I tried that one on Damon." I laughed as I remembered the look he'd given me when he was a toddler. "He never trusted me again after that. He always checked the fridge to make sure that I wasn't poisoning him." Audric's smile was soft. "Laney used to share all those pictures in the group...he was all you, Creole. From his beautiful blue eyes to all that blond hair? It broke Laney's heart when he passed. She was bound and determined that y'all have kids and raise them together." I wiped a tear that slipped past my defenses. "Everything is all messed up, isn't it?" He squeezed my arm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." I smiled. "I like when I remember the good times with him. His time on earth was cut short, but that didn't mean he didn't live the hell out of his life while he was here. And he's with my mom...and now Laney." His hand moved up and down the length of my arm before he said, "Come on. Let me show you around." I reached up and took his hand, then pressed a kiss to his knuckles. Ten minutes later, I declared, "Okay, I've never realized that a double-wide could be this beautiful but..." "It's technically considered a triple-wide because of the front room right there," he jerked his head in that direction. "But the guy completely gutted the place when he got it. He put in a new kitchen with better fixtures and cabinets. All the bathrooms are new. New wood flooring. Hell, I think he even redid the walls. The only thing that I added on my own once I bought it were the porches." "The porches are where it's at," I admitted as I looked out over the sprawling land. "How much land do you have here?" "Thirty-three acres," he answered as he came up beside me, overlooking the pastureland. "That house you can see in the distance?" "Yeah." I nodded. "That's my dad's place. We have about thirty acres separating us, but the guy that owns that land has a verbal agreement with Dad. As soon as he's ready to move, or he passes away, he'll sell to either me or Dad." "Score," I teased, turning to look up at him. "You like it here?" "Love it," he admitted. "I never really wanted to do the whole Dallas thing. Mom and Dad moved here because Mom hated the country. She couldn't fuckin' stand it. So Dad left his job for Kilgore Fire Department, that's about two hours west on Interstate 20, and came here. Mom was happy...until Paisley passed away in that robbery. Then Mom hated it. Wanted to move back. But Dad was already upside down on the mortgage. He'd just been promoted to lieutenant, and he didn't want to leave. That's when Mom..." When his mom tried to kill herself. "Shit," I said as I caught his hand with mine that rested down by our hips. "Sometimes, I wonder if a person can keep withstanding tragedy after tragedy. We've had our fair share, Audi." "Yeah," he agreed quietly. "Creole?" I looked over at him again, my eyes studying the laugh lines around his lips. "Yeah?" "I talked to your dad today," he started, then explained everything, starting with the phone call from Apollo, and ending with my dad giving him permission to date me. "You didn't have to be nervous. I could've told you that my dad wasn't upset with you," I rushed out. He pulled me into his arms, not quite to the point where our bodies were touching, but close enough that I could feel his heat. "I know that now, but..." He hesitated. "I would've wanted the clarification on my end had that happened to my daughter." I pressed in closer, until we really were touching, and pressed my head against his chest. His heart thumped loud and fast, and I wondered if my nearness was affecting him like his was me. As it was, I was feeling parts of my body tingle that hadn't tingled like that in a really long time. I hadn't felt this feeling since I was sixteen and learning what it was like to be a woman. And only one man had ever affected me like this...and now he was mine. I looked up at Audric, and he looked down at me, and just like that, all my fears and hesitation disappeared. I leaned up onto my tiptoes, indicating what I wanted, and he leaned down until our lips brushed. It wasn't anything special. Just a light brush of his lips, so chaste that not even a nun could get mad at it. But it was everything to me. All my fears faded away, and I knew that this wouldn't be like the last time with Patty. There would be no fear here. There would be only Audric and me, and everything that I ever wanted it to be. He pulled away, his hand coming up to cup my face. "Okay?" In answer, I pulled away completely, then lifted my shirt off over my head. His breath hitched, and his eyes dilated. "Creole..." "The longer we take to do this, the more nervous I'm going to get," I admitted. "Come on. Let's go." It was my "let's go" that had him jolting forward and pulling me into his arms. He didn't go far with me, though. He carried me to the bath, then reached down and switched the water on. My breath hitched. "Am I dirty, Audi?" I teased. His eyes flicked down to the faucets as he bent forward slightly and tested the heat. "No." He twisted me so that I was once again standing in front of him and he was sitting on the edge of the bath. "But there's lots of natural light in here. It's not a bed. And I want to make sure you feel safe." I melted. But even though I was melting for him, I still shrugged out of my bra, then my pants. The only thing that was left was my panties, and I hesitated to pull those off. "I have a scar," I admitted. He chuckled. "You show me yours, I'll show you mine." My brows shot up. "You have scars?" He snorted and lifted his shirt, showing off a hot, muscular body that had changed so much from the last time I'd seen it. "You've put on a lot of muscle since I've seen you half naked last," I admitted. His eyes came up to meet mine as he reached for my hand. "I'm not a boy anymore, Cree. I'm a man." Yes, yes he was. "You used to have the boniest shoulders." I giggled as I used my free hand to run over the length of his shoulder muscles. "Now, you're so muscular that it's comical. You remember when we used to sit on either side of you and watch the stars?" "You remember how it was always you that I leaned on the most?" No, I hadn't realized he'd leaned on me more than Laney. "You used to always complain about how I was pushing you away. I was never pushing you away. I was leaning your way to get away from Laney." I trailed my fingers up the length of his trap, stopping right under his square jaw. "Now, about these scars," I teased. His hands went to the backs of my knees, and he pulled me forward until I was straddling him. I sat on his lap, my knees going into the cool tile on either side of his hips and didn't miss the very obvious erection that was now pressing against my slit. Three years ago, even this position would've sent me running for the door. But not anymore. And especially not with this man. All my fears and concerns felt nonexistent when it came to him. "One right here," he said as he let one of my hips go to show me his hand. "This happened the night you started hating me." I closed my eyes, and carefully dropped my face down against his neck, his collarbone pressing against my lips. "I'm so sorry, Audi," I breathed. "And this one." He picked up one of my hands and pressed it against his chest, right over his heart. "While not a scar, I got it for you." My head picked up, and I stared at it for a long time before I said, "What? What does it mean?" Then the yellow ribbon started to become more pronounced the longer I looked at his chest. The tattoo I'd seen when he'd first taken his shirt off of an owl's face, with the owl's wing stretched out over his shoulder, was holding a yellow ribbon. A ribbon that signified leukemia. And when I leaned in closer, there was a date. Or, more importantly, a date of birth, and a date of death. My baby's. "Audi..." I breathed. "Got your mom in here, too." He pointed at another ribbon that I hadn't seen. This one in the owl's claws. A bright pink one that I couldn't believe I hadn't seen until now. Shit. I looked up at him, my eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry I was s-so mad at you." He wrapped his arms around me, his hands going so far around that his fingers were pressing against my ribs on the front side. "I think if anyone has a right to be mad, it's you," he whispered against my forehead. "One day, we'll look back at that time, and see it for what it was-a bump in the road. But until then, we're going to fake it 'til we make it." I giggled, pulling back so I could see his face. "I love you, you know." He wiped away my tears with his big, rough, working-man hands. God, he was so damn sexy. "You ready to see my scar now?" I asked, tasting the salt of my tears on my lips. His eyes were on fire, so damn green it hurt, when he said, "You can show me your toe bunion, and I'd be so goddamn happy." I gasped. "That was one time, Audric!" He laughed, his arms tightening around me. I waited until he was finished with his guffawing, then stood up. His hands were reluctant to let me go, and even though I'd moved off his lap, his fingers still lingered at my thighs, ready to touch me again if I moved even an inch. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off my high-rise panties, revealing the ugly scar there. "Whoa," he said as he moved so close his nose was nearly touching my pubic bone. "That's a gnarly scar. I thought they were a lot smaller." "Normally, they are. But there was a complication, and I was a small kid with no birthing hips yet. And Damon was huge. Almost eleven pounds," she breathed. That wasn't surprising. My rapist was a big guy, too. Just another reason to hate the motherfucker. "My survivor." He pressed a kiss to the scar. And damned if I didn't start crying again. That was not how I expected this night to go. Maybe tears of joy, but definitely not tears of sadness. God, how I loved this man. My fingers threaded through his hair. "You need a cut." "On my list," he said. "Maybe if I don't fly to Hawaii with you again next week, I'll get one." I pouted, and he winked. "All you have to do is find me a ticket and I'm there." I'd find him a ticket. I found that I liked having him there. Plus, this next time was a weekend, and I wouldn't be flying back until two days later, giving me plenty of time to enjoy my time in paradise with him. That was a later conversation, though. Now was a time for other, more pleasurable things. With my panties now kicked off and littering the floor of his amazing bathroom, I walked back toward him, this time crawling into his lap with my legs dangling over the back ledge of the tub. His cock felt huge against me, and I idly wondered if it was as big as I always thought it was. The boy Audric used to be was obsessed with sweatpants, and as a young, impressionable teenager who was in love with him, I noticed everything about him. Even his penis size. I may not have been able to see it in all its naked glory, but there wasn't much you could hide behind a pair of sweatpants with no underwear on. We'd done enough random swims in the river and the lake in our time that we'd all gone braless or underwearless a time or two. Needless to say, I knew he had a sizable appendage down there, and to my knowledge, they didn't get much bigger past your teen years. His hands cupped my ass as he pulled me in until there wasn't a single inch of space between his body and mine. "Swear to Christ, we move at your speed," he promised me, his eyes boring into mine from so close that I could see all the striations. "We're moving at the speed I'm good with," I said. "I have one small issue, though." His eyebrows rose. "What's that?" "I don't do condoms." I winced. "They freak me way the hell out." After what was done to me, that was the one thing that I remembered so vividly that I tried really hard not to think about it. He ran his thumb along my jaw, his big hand cupping almost half of my face, as he said, "Not that I care about having babies with you but..." "We can do everything but that," I suggested. "I know we're not quite ready for that, yet. With...I was on birth control. It'll take me about a month to be safe with that aspect, because I was just able to get on it last Friday. But until then..." Until then, he could very easily get me pregnant if we weren't careful. But the thought of having Audric's child didn't scare me. Something inside of me had understood what I was saying to Gunner when it came to Lottie. A piece of me would always live in fear that something would happen to another child like it did to Damon, but that wasn't fair to me. I couldn't keep living half a life, hoping that nothing hurtful would ever touch me again. That wasn't how life worked. He shifted us, his arm going around my waist to pull me higher up off of his lap, and the other one went to his underwear, where he shifted them down. His cock bounced free between us, and my gaze went down, taking him in in all his naked glory. "Holy cow," I breathed. "I'll go slow," he promised. I bit my lip and looked back into his eyes. "I would hope so." He chuckled, and that released some of the tension. "Like I said, you are in the driver's seat today." If that was the case... I lifted up off of him using his shoulders for leverage and said, "Inside, Audric." His breath hitched. "Creole..." "In." I pressed my lips to his mouth. "Side." He reached between us and adjusted his cock so that it was at my entrance, and I slowly lowered myself down. When I'd hit a snag and he'd go no further, I'd go back up, repeating this process for long, slow, agonizing minutes until he was buried as far as he would go. "Jesus Christ," he said through gritted teeth. "Tight." Yeah, I was. He was big. I was small. And I hadn't taken anyone there in nearly a year. "Feels good, though," I breathed, swirling my hips around in his lap. He groaned into my hair, his fingers flexing and unflexing on the meat of my ass. "Fuck, baby. Fuck," he growled. Fuck was right. I was barely moving, and it already felt like I was going to tip myself over the edge. It'd never been like this with anyone else. Usually it took a lot of work and a lot of focusing on the sensations to even get close to feeling something. But with Audric...it was like all he had to do was touch me and I was half a second away from coming. "You're gonna make me blow if you keep doing that," he said. "And if you want me to pull out, this is going to be an embarrassment." His chuckle was dry when I kept moving. I was close. He was close. It seemed like a foregone conclusion at this point. "Right there," I hissed as his hands went to my hips to help me move. "Oh, right there." He helped me bump up and down on his cock, his head hitting somewhere deep inside that set my body to tingling. My nerves were fracturing, and my breathing was ragged. His was, too, but I was so focused on mine that I didn't notice his. I pulled my feet up for better leverage and slammed myself down. His hoarse shout wasn't surprising, seeing as I'd felt the same tension swelling inside of me. With three more slams of my ass down into his lap, his cock filling me up so completely, I was screaming. "Yes, Audi. Yes!" I gasped for breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." His growl sent a thrill through me, and I almost cried out in pain when he pulled free of my body and kept working his cock against the sensitive nub of nerves. It set off another orgasm inside of me before I'd even finished coming down from the first, and I lost it. Hot splashes of cum sprayed up between us, a drop hitting my chin and lip before the next spurt covered my tits and belly. His eyes dropped to where his cum still decorated my lip, and he grinned. I swept my tongue out, licking the drop, and his pupils dilated so wide that they took up nearly all the color in his eyes. And I knew, while looking into those green eyes, that this was just the beginning for us. Next was the bed. Then the wall. Then the shower. By the time we fell into bed hours later, I was unable to hold my eyes open a second longer. And when his alarm went off, indicating it was time to get to work, I couldn't manage to even crack open an eye. I felt the kiss he pressed onto my shoulder as he left the bed and smiled, but that was my last coherent thought for a really long time.